Quiet Frustration

I must admit that I feel frustrated.

It frustrates me when I see pictures of a loving husband, taken together with his family, a happy and loved wife, beaming children.

I am not sure if that's jealousy. I have no liking for the man in the pictures, but it makes me angry, quietly.

I don't understand why a good man for me is difficult or impossible to come by.

I yearn to have a beautiful family picture like those women do. A picture that tells of family warmth and love. But I cannot have it. Because I only have bastards for husbands.

I had a dream this morning. I dreamt that a young Coco crying for a father on a bus.

It broke my heart. When I woke up, it troubled me.

I ask myself when such days will end.

I will divorce one of these days.

I don't know when, but I will.

I don't want to live like this forever.

To hell with all the Christian doctrines that say that divorces are not God's will.

To hell with all the longsuffering talks about how a virtuous wife should be.

I just want to live like a human being.