The Greatest Evil

On Red Note (小红书）, under posts that ask the question: What, in your opinion, is the greatest kind of evil?

This phrase"人性最大的恶就是在自己最小的权力范围内最大限度地为难别人" would often be posted in the Comments section. AI translates it as:

The greatest evil of human nature is to make things difficult for others within the smallest scope of one's power.

Think of the condo security guard who threatens to call the police on you just because you follow the residents who open the gate into the compound .

Instead of using his power to grant convenience, such people use their power to belittle others to make themselves feel superior while they still can.

That was how I felt about my sister during the Spain trip. 

It gives me a shock I cannot get over, even after 3 months.

I cannot believe that this is the sister I thought I knew for 40 years. 

After William, I realised that I should believe people when they show me their true colours, their worst colours.

I did not believe that William was the selfish, hypocritical thief and gambler that he showed himself to be. I chose to believe his 'clarifications' and his blaming of me for his wrongdoings.

It took me 16 years to know that it was his fault all along. He was a thief all along. He was a gambler all along. He was abusive all along.

I was taught, since young, not to look at the 'small' things. I was chided for being a perfectionist whenever I looked at the small things. I was told that I was petty and narrow-minded to be so finicky. I was taught to accept others' faults and not point fingers at others. I was taught to accept inferior quality for what I paid. I was taught to speak in a lowly way to people I paid in case they would not deliver acceptable service or goods to me.

In short, I was taught since young that I do not deserve good things in life.

My upbringing suited William well.

Whenever I voiced out my doubts and objections about his mistreatment of me, he dismissed them and said that I was too perfectionistic and expected too much of him. 

Until a friend's pastor pointed out that what he had been doing was 'abuse'. It was something new to me. I was abused and I did not know, just because I did not get beaten up.

That pastor whom I don't know taught me that abuse may not take the form of physical bruises.

These few months, I feel very traumatised over the Spain trip. It was after the trip that I heard from my elder sister that my younger sister had asked her if she could take her place to go on the trip.

So she did not want to go in the first place, but she forced herself to go, which was why she was reluctant to pay her share.

I told her I hoped to have someone to help with the trip. I sent her the itinerary to let her take a look to make changes if necessary. Apparently, she didn't look except questioned me why I didn't schedule mealtimes into the itinerary. I asked her to insert the places she wanted to eat at in the itinerary. But she didn't do anything.

Then she got angry with me on the trip for not planning for meals.

At the last hotel, I got a rude shock when the reception lady told me that I had paid for two days of stay when I only needed to stay for one. I turned and looked at my sister because I thought she had helped me check. She just looked back at me and shrugged.

Because she was prepared not to pay, that's why she didn't bother to check.

When I proposed to stay at BNB (Bed and Breakfast) or apartments instead of hotels which were more expensive, she insisted that it had to be hotels for better service. 

Under normal circumstances, would someone have insisted on a more expensive accommodation if she knows that she is not paying? 

When I saw that she wasn't forthcoming in booking train tickets and hotels, I showed her her share of attraction tickets, train tickets and hotel stay that she should pay. After that, she became the awful person I never knew. However, whenever she talked to strangers, she was all smiles and polite. 

For two weeks, I had to tread on eggshells in case I offended her. I had to take great care that I must not say things that might make her angry, or switch on lights when she's asleep, or make noise when she's asleep, or ask her to throw a piece of paper, or take up space on the hotel floor that she might need, or go to the bathroom when she needed it ... She might not get angry with everything but I really did not know what might get her angry. I never felt so miserably careful on a trip my whole life. And it was an expensive trip. Oh how I regretted asking her to come on the trip!

I am so shocked that till now, I haven't communicated with her after we came back from the trip. Previously, I would text her about what happened on my job, or funny texts or things that happened almost every day.

I felt that she had shown me her true colours on the trip. William taught me that the worst behaviour of a person is how the person is truly like.

I want to protect myself from someone who abuses my kindness.

The Other Side of the Sister I Never Knew

Since young, I always imagined my youngest sister to be a generous and kind person. This trip changes everything I thought about her.

I never knew she was such a petty person who takes things personally. 

She asked me for the train ticket details. I specifically told her and my mother that it was Carriage 25. However, when she saw me getting into Carriage 25, she led my mother to the earlier carriage. Under normal circumstances, one would have followed her family member, or informed the family member that she had gone in the wrong carriage (if she thinks that family members had gotten into the wrong carriage. 

Instead, she silently took my mother to Carriage 23. They were going further and further from me so I shouted for them to come back. She explained that she thought it was Carriage 24. I told her,”But you were going to Carriage 23.” She insisted she didn’t but I knew she did because after getting up at Carriage 25, which was behind me, I found myself in Carriage 24 trying to catch up with them. And they were backfacing me and walking towards the Carriage before 24. 

When she came to her seat, she was upset that I said I saw her going to Carriage 23. She said,”Ya! You know everything!” I replied,”Ya, because I saw it happening.” 

Then out of the blue, she gave me a luggage lock and told me to go lock our luggage. The lock is hers. The idea of locking luggage together is hers. She has the number combi. Why would she ask me to go lock it? 

I told her I don’t know how to do it. She ignored what I said and left it with me. Of course. I will give her the benefit of the doubt and take it that she didn’t hear it. But you know people do things deliberately to find fault with you, right?

So after some time, she asked me if I had locked the luggage, just so that she could use “Wah lau eh” to ridicule me for being useless.

Well, I am not the one who went to ITE. I am not the one who gets upset about paying for my own trip. 

Throughout the trip, she keeps trying to turn my mother against me, complaining about the trip all the time, asking my mother if she was tired and if she needed breaks. Then return to tell me that my trip is too rushed and should have breaks. In short, she thinks we should spend at least half the day in the hotel to sleep.

Well, I really wouldn’t mind that if someone else is paying for my trip. But then again, I believe I am more appreciative of someone else’s effort, time and money than the average person. I wouldn’t take these for granted.

She also keeps saying “Mother and I do not want to do this.” “Mother and I feel (this way and that way)””Mother and I are not going to do this. If you want, you do it yourself.”

Are we not family? Why are you dividing our mother and me? Why is there a need to form an alliance and turn our mother against me?

When someone was in the toilet and couldn’t open the door, and my mother needed to use the toilet, she accused me of being a useless daughter.

I was the one who planned four full pages of itinerary and whose plan got dismissed as being brainless and inconsiderate.

The trip makes me see how ugly, selfish, rude, inconsiderate and insensitive she is. Nice and friendly to strangers but nasty to a sister who does not lose her temper. 

I hate to say this but we are able to gauge a person’s character and values by his educational level to a large extent. 

At the planning stage, she was avoiding work by deliberately leaving in advance when she knew I was looking for her to firm up plans or ask for her opinions. She refused to book anything when it was agreed that she would book first while I pay her back, since she doesn’t have an active income. 

Only someone who has planned an itinerary before would know how much thought and effort had gone into it.

The amount of nastiness and meanness that I have been receiving from her within these few days is enough for me to unfriend her on Facebook, together with her ITE friends. For the ingratitude that she’s so freely exhibited, I’ll probably stop teaching her son as well. 

I never thought it would come to this. I thought she was the only one who would not take advantage of my kindness. Looks like the Chinese proverb has its wisdom: 人善被人欺. No exception about it. Even your family do it. 

The Other Side of a Sister

I am in our Barcelona hotel right now with my youngest sister and mother.

You’d have thought that I am having a good time. Like all other holidays, something would mar the experience.

After two hurried and stressful tour group experiences, I didn’t want to take my mother on a tour group holiday again.

However, with my mother’s old age, I didn’t want to shoulder the responsibility of caring for my mother in a foreign land all alone so I asked my youngest sister to come with me, explaining how awful it would be to be targeted by pickpockets and crooks due to our aged-mother-and-lone-scrawny-Asian-woman status.

After some consideration, she agreed to do it. I asked if her husband would give her money to go on the tour. She didn’t say much but since she agreed, I thought everything would work out.

What I didn’t expect was that she was expecting me to pay for her share as well.

There were signs as we were preparing for the trip. I told her it would be better if she paid with her card so that I could pay her back in cash. She agreed. However, she would wait for me to book just about everything. 

Sign 2: She would not be involved in the planning. Whenever I asked her to plan with me, she would find excuses to leave or not turn up knowing I had set aside time to plan. She kept saying she’s ok with everything.

Today, I felt that I should be very clear about it. I showed her the tabulated sums of money that were her share to bear.

After that, things changed.

She would be unhappy over trivial things. 

Then towards the end of the day, she exploded, “Do you know you are very inconsiderate? I have to come for a trip that I have to fork out money for. I have to put up with your nonsense. Do you know how much I have been tolerating?”

Imagine how incredulous I felt. For this whole trip, the one planning and stressing out is me. After planning, you refuse to follow my plan and cancel what I have planned. Aren’t you the inconsiderate one? Shouldn’t I be the one who should feel indignant?”

I reminded her before the trip, I did ask her if her husband would be paying for her. She rolled her eyes. Then she said she wouldn’t mind spending two weeks in Spain but just going to Sagrada Familia!

I told her this is not Phuket or Bali where you just rest and relax. You have come so far and you say you just want to take things easy. I said, “Why didn’t you mention that when I discussed with you?”

She said she did tell me she wanted to start every day late, waking up at 10am or 11am and there’s no need to go to so many places

but I insisted that these things have to be done early and all those places have to be visited.

I said all these are points of interest. How can you go to a place without visiting its place of interest? Then you go there for what?

She continued to explode at me, accusing me of sleeping for at least 8 hours on the plane for the first leg - when the first leg was a 7-hour flight. I said I haven’t slept for 8 hours for a long time. I worked 15 hours a day. How do I get 8 hours of sleep?

She said,”Ha! Ha! Ha!” sarcastically and made contradictory statements, that I was disturbing her sleep by moving my arms constantly. 

Well, the one who sleeps for 10 hours every day is not me. 

Then she complained that I go to too many places. I said I wanted to hit 3 Casas (Casa Vicen, Casa Mila and Casa Balto), but since she wanted just one, we did one today. She started rambling over other places.

She said she wanted to return to the hotel to sleep from 2.30pm but I forced her to go out at 3.30pm. I said,” I was prepared that you didn’t want to go out. I even had my selfie stick with me.” She again gave a sarcastic smirk. 

She said she didn’t want to come, but I kept saying I was scared scared scared, that’s why she came. But she didn’t want to go to any of these places.

Of course I know she’s a housewife and doesn’t have an income. If I had a better person to ask, would I have resorted to asking her?

This is a side of my sister I had never known.

When she refused to plan for the itinerary, I told my third sister that I was worried that she would complain about the planning later. My third sister even assured me that she was a very relaxed person and would go with what I had planned. Now my third sister would say that even a relaxed person like my youngest sister couldn’t stand me. 

I am always at fault in the family. Always the faulty one. 

It’s only our first day of our 14-day trip. Imagine how awful the situation is.

I went to Casa Balto at 9.30pm when it started to turn dark to take some light-up pictures of the building. Really pretty.

Les Miserables in Singapore

The last time Les Miserables was in Singapore was 30 years ago. 

Musicals were not a big thing and I was too young and poor to afford a decent ticket for one. 

I bought a $90 ticket for Phantom of the Opera and the seat was so far that we were given a pair disposable binoculars each to watch the musical. It wasn’t a fantastic experience so after that, I didn’t bother to pay for tickets of big-name musicals. 

That said, I did go for local plays and inexpensive likes to fulfil that literary wants within.

It was late April when I found out that Les Miserables World Tour was going to end in May, I underwent a brief struggle before I decided that Coco should have a go at it. If not now, then when? I finally booked two tickets on 8 May, 8pm.

Seats were limited and prices were exorbitant. I paid $280 per ticket for it and the seats were 16 seats away from the stage. Fortunately, we didn’t have someone super tall sitting right in front of us and the seats were quite central. It was a good experience this time.

Les Miserables is a special musical for me. The memory of watching its cartoon, in Mandarin no less, sticks with me since a child. For some reason, I remember the Chinese version of the name Cosette very well. It inspired me to give Coco the name when I had her. I felt that Coco should have a chance to watch the musical, live, from which her name came from. 

A French friend had told me it’s not a good name to give but I thought it a lovely name. 

 

Everybody was taking pictures at the entrance and posters so we did as the Romans do.

Coco wowed and took a surround video at the theatre at the entry which was quickly stopped by a security crew.

Those mussel-like things were the theatre lights. They kept fascinating me throughout the performance. “When did this come down? When did that happen? When did they install the bridge?”

The orchestra was a level above the stage. I really like that as I often wondered how it looked like at the orchestra pit when the orchestra was below the stage.

Everybody was taking videos and pictures at the ending so I did likewise.

Coco refused to buy any souvenirs. She said the $50 t-shirt was a poor print. She could do a better job herself. I ended up buying a $25 mug.

Walking out of the Sands theatre at 11.15pm.

I had come half-prepared to be disappointed for the price-point I had paid. It’s not THE original Les Miserables musical after all. There are a few Asian faces in a musical with French setting, which I thought would not be authentic. 

My fifth sister who had watched it earlier said she couldn’t understand half the musical. Her husband who had watched it with her had his experience marred by the guy seated in front of him sporting a cockatoo hairstyle. I had also read reviews that seemed to try too hard to glorify it. 

After the musical, I was very glad to have come. The ‘Asian faces’ I had discriminated against had powerful and theatrical vocals that rendered their ethnicity obsolete. In fact, I couldn’t decide who was the best performer. Every time I think,”Wow, this guy/lady is good!”, the next performer sang better, if not equally well. There wasn’t an inferior performer.

When I asked Coco for her opinion, she felt that the best performer had to be the guy who cast as Valjean. 

Coco described the musical as ‘spectacular’. She had watched the movie version starring Anne Hathaway and she knew exactly where to watch at every scene but for the musical, she felt that there were so many things going on at the same time that she didn’t know where to look. She said she didn’t imagine that a musical could be so much fun. 

When asked if she would watch musicals in future, she said she would only watch them if she is rich. She felt that musicals are not for the average person. She even took note of a girl ‘who was easily ten years younger than’ her who was wearing a Chanel scarf, carrying a Hermes bag and wearing a pair of Van Cleef earrings.

Coco kept asking me why I had not given her the name Eponine instead. She felt that Cosette is a ‘flat’ or ‘2D’ character while Eponine is more interesting and is multi-faceted. 

I replied her frankly that I didn’t know about Eponine. Even if I did, I wouldn’t have given her the name. It doesn’t sound pretty and she’s the product of two money-minded and wicked hearted innkeepers. Now that I had watched the musical, all the more I wouldn’t have given the name to my child. She’s not loved by someone she loved. 

My idea of the character Cosette was that she was well-loved by everyone and I hoped that my baby would also enjoy the same kindness and love. 

Coco asked,”What’s so great about being loved by a fugitive, a prostitute and a rebel?”

That made me do a bit of reflection. To a certain extent, I also prostituted myself for my daughter. I remarried thinking it would give her a better life. While the character, Fantine, died, for many years, I died within, living like  zombie.

The discussion of the musical transported me back to my A level literature class, critiquing the performance and doing character analysis and that was only possible because the person I watched it with was Coco. She provided insights and perspectives about the musical and characters that I never thought about.

It was a worthy night. 

Fixing Replica Eames Chairs

I bought two separate Eames replicas recently.

To my surprise, they came unassembled. Well, I knew they were cheap but the listings didn’t state that I needed to assemble them myself. 

I decided to try anyway.

It looked daunting but I searched for a video on assembling an Eames chair:

https://share.google/ZuCvcXW1kVGY0ItdT

It took me 2 hours for the first chair (the blue one) as I had a lot of figuring out to do. The subsequent chairs were much easier.

My sister said she paid more than $100 for her assembled chair.

I guess $14 to $18 per chair is worth it.

But the cheaper chair is noticeably smaller and had a softer seat. It bends slightly when I lean back. 

This is what you call “you get what you pay for” and I have no problem with that.

A Schoolmate’s Demise

This morning when I woke up, I thought of a schoolmate during my pre-uni days. 

I searched on Facebook for her and found that she was not on the social media platform anymore.

I thought it strange so I tried googling for her.

An obituary came up on Death Kopitiam Singapore, a Facebook page putting out obituaries of Singaporeans who have passed away. At first, I thought it was a joke.

I read the comments and knew it was for real. She passed away in March last year.

“Oh my god” filled my mind. 

We were in the same school. Many people felt we looked similar although I didn’t think so. Our similarities were limited to us having long hair, being petite and had similar-sounding abbreviated names. 

I was in the Arts class while she was in Commerce. However, I was more inclined to hang out with her class as our frequency was closer, compared to my classmates who had superior English. 

She was a popular and outgoing girl. A guy who had a crush on me told me he met her at a pub with eight guys. He sounded very impressed with how popular she was among guys.

She had always been interested in modelling and being an actress. She spent $400 to have her modelling pictures taken professionally. Natural looking and nicely taken indeed. She was a contestant in a Channel 5 talent scout show whose name I can’t recall. She was on The Pyramid Game as a contestant as well. 

After A levels, she went to Australia for further studies.

The next time I saw her was on a Chinese evening paper, among interviewees who auditioned for some roles. The report made her qualifications sound impressive and the reporter thought she was Diane Ser’s lookalike. 

I thought it sounded promising. 

Eventually, she landed some calefare roles  on Channel 5 and 8.

Then her father passed away in the Nicoll Highway incident. She was filmed grieving at the site and throwing a bouquet of flowers into the site where her father was supposed to be on the national TV.

Some celebrities were filmed visiting her to give her emotional support.

I knew it was not easy but I thought she should do fine.

On and off, I would check out her Facebook and other social media platform/s that she was on, to see how the girl whom I was once associated with was getting on. 

Once, I found her taking selfies with exaggerated smiles with a male companion, presumably her husband, and sporting an unflattering short, permed hairdo which aged her.

Another time, she took selfies in a sparsely furnished flat. 

I was quite surprised that she would post those selfies as she used to be highly image-conscious. 

I still remember all her glamour shots. Even a simple home shot would constitute a nice hairdo and complete set of dress-up, down to stylish high-cut boots, and a confident pose. I didn’t know what to make of her strange selfies. 

Perhaps they were signals for help, but no one recognised them. 

I never contacted her as a guy friend had once told me that she didn’t think kindly about me. I didn’t want her to think that I was cozying up to her due to her celebrity status. 

Now I wonder if I could have made a difference if I had linked up with her.

I googled more about her and found more information about her on other platforms. She was also known as The Big Hair Lady.

I never knew she had gone viral with that ridiculous wig. It never came up on any of my social media accounts. 

Someone had asked her what’s with the hair and she said it was an artistic expression. There were videos clips and images of her strolling in a mall and taking MRT rides in that wig.

Comments speculated that she had been depressed due to her father’s passing. It’s been more than 20 years but the loss of your loved ones can never be healed by time.

Her belated news of passing makes me wonder if most of us are carrying great, untold pain while continuing to live. I always thought it’s only me who is living with so much pain within, trying to live as normally as I could. 

20 years of pain she carried with her, and no one knew until she too passed. 

Did she feel utterly alone in the world? Did she have someone to talk to? 

I am only left with questions without answers.

Prettying Up My Flower Rack

After my first attempt at keeping a flowering plant alive - an orchid that I bought from an NTUC - failed, I left my Taobao-bought flower rack unattended for a long time.

Someone enlightened me that flowering plants are hard to maintain (“Phew! So it’s not me!”) so I bought a leafy potted plant to try and keep alive.

To my pleasant surprise, it really didn’t die within 3 weeks. However, I like colours and didn’t feel motivated to get more leafy plants after that one miserable plant.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at Jewel when I came across an NTUC which sold plants better looking than the average NTUC.  so I bought a few pretty plants, which included a tiny pot of fern, a red-leaf plant and a plant with multi shades of green. 

A few days ago, I saw a plant with tiny purple flowers at Cheers. It was $3.90. I decided to get it even if it’s for a few days. Subsequently, I bought another small pot of pink flowers at NTUC. 

When I opened the door to go out, it felt uplifting to see pretty plants and flowers greeting you. 

Perhaps there’s some truth in the lyrics of Edelweiss,

“Edelweiss, Edelweiss 

Every morning you greet me”

Today I was at Bishan and found my way to the stretch of nurseries at Thomson Road.

I bought a pot of pink flowers at Far East Flora and towards the closing time at 7.10pm, I discovered this nursery Candy Florist which sold hydrangeas! My mother loved them and I found a pot that was light enough for me to carry home. It was $26 but I thought it was really pretty and worth it.

I have also ordered watering cans from Taobao which will arrive next week.

Can’t wait to use them on my pretty flowers!