Not too tough a decision

I have decided to stop Coco's piano lessons, after she took her Grade 3 practical exam a couple of weeks ago.

Reason? I often screamed at her over piano practices. I think instead of character-building, the learning of piano has become somewhat character-tearing-down. During those screaming sessions, I said things I should not be saying. I had wanted piano-learning to inculcate some form of discipline in her. I thought that by learning something that she liked, she would be motivated to want to practise to perfect piano pieces. But thus far, it had not been so. She was reluctant to go to the piano. She was interested in playing the piano - even her piano tutor said so, but she did not like to practise it, just like ballet.

It had proven to be highly stressful for me, and her. I was just short of dragging her physically to the piano each time I 'needed' her to practise it. The stress worsened during her CA2 period when her piano exam coincided with her school tests.

On top of all these, next year is a crucial year for her, so I made the decision to stop her piano lessons. If she does well for her PSLE, and would like to pick up piano again, she could.

The piano - how? I paid $8.6k for it after all.

Baby seems to be musically inclined. She can always be the next successor to her sister. : )

Result for Grade One Exam

I was pleasantly informed by the piano school that Coco managed a Merit for her Grade One piano, although like all mothers, I had hoped that she could clinch a Distinction.

The conversation went like this:
Receptionist,"你的女儿考得很好嘞！" (Your daughter did very well for her piano exam!)
Me," ... ... (Is it a Distinction?)"
Receptionist,"她考到Merit." (She got a Merit.)
Me," ... ... (Huh ... like that is 'very well' ah?)"

But I have to give Coco the credit for indeed doing very well for her first piano exam, considering the limited time she had - she started learning her exam pieces way too late, compared to most people who had the luxury of spending just about a year to learn them.

Well done, Coco!

Review on Music Schools versus Private Piano tutors

Coco went through different tutors before we finally settled for her present Music School.

An unorthodox music school

The first school she went to adopted a Canadian methodology which only allowed children to take their Grade One exam 3 years later. They used their own music book and composed their own music, some of which we felt the melodies were unusual. Although I understood where they were coming from when they insisted parental involvement in the music class, I felt that it was an extra mental burden for me. William and I didn't enjoy the lessons in fact. Come to think of it, if we as adults didn't enjoy them, how could I expect Coco to enjoy them?

Full-time private tutor

I sourced for a private tutor from the forums and found a very patient full-time piano tutor who unfortunately lived in the far eastern part of Singapore. She taught well, I thought, and never raised her voice at Coco. I was impressed.

But due to my pregnancy at that time, the distance proved to be too challenging for me. We had to travel as she does not come to your place unless you "live in Bukit Timah and have cousins" who learn from her as well. There were times I dozed off as I sat on the couch in the room with the tutor and Coco. I decided that it wasn't a permanent solution to engage someone so far away.

I almost engaged another private tutor whose name was 'announced' on a forum for cheating - she collected the fees but made excuses when it was time for her to teach. Fortunately, we felt that she wasn't able to engage Coco and spark her interest in piano, and so we let her go although we liked the fact that she was 'cheap' and could come to our place.

Part-time private tutor

I thought I was lucky when I found a part-time tutor who lived just a few blocks away. In fact, she was our competitor in Home Survivor. Recommended by one of the forummers, I thought she shouldn't be too bad and I had no issue with her being my ex-competitor on a gameshow.

I sat in for the first lesson which was the only sat-in allowed, and learned that there was a great difference between piano tutors. I had the misconception that all piano tutors were gracious and patient, from the previous experience. But this tutor's English wasn't great, and wasn't exactly very patient,"You huh! Sit properly! See how this girl sit!"

I wasn't keen to engage her as a tutor but Coco didn't mind it, probably because she wanted to learn playing the piano. So the lessons commenced.

After some time, Coco complained that "piano is difficult" and was reluctant to practise. I thought she was in one of those giving-up moods and refused to give in.

I stopped the lessons for about a month during my confinement as no one was available to take Coco to my mother's place to practise her piano (I had moved the piano there when the banks issued the letters to seize goods and property) and the tutor said it was fine.

But when I wanted the lessons to continue from where she had left off, the tutor said,"Oh, I didn't know if you still wanted the slot so I gave it to another child already." I thought about it for a while and asked for a refund of the $50 which was meant for the remaining lessons, intending to withdraw. But the tutor said,"If you go to music school, you also cannot get refund. I am already very kind not to charge you for the lessons you skipped. If you want, I can finish up the two lessons, but I cannot refund you the money. It's integrity issue."

What the hell?!!

My money is with you and you claim that it's 'integrity' issue. Indeed. It's an integrity issue - it shows me the lack of integrity in you!

It was under the verbal agreement that she would not charge for lessons skipped that I engaged her as a tutor, but now she insinuated that it was out of good will and kindness that she didn't charge me for the missed lessons.

Her name is Fanny. And she wouldn't show me her 'qualifications' (if she had any) or even let me know her surname.

I could smack myself on the head for engaging her even though I had doubts about her integrity - her flat was shown as having very minimal furniture in Home Survivor at the time of filming. The caption when showing her place was literally '(pieces of furniture) so pathetic ... (少得可怜)' as they only displayed a set of sofa at the time of filming.

When I sent Coco to her place for piano, I realised that the flat was congested with furniture. Although I was a little uncomfortable at my first instinct, I told myself that for the sake of winning the contest, I could not fault them for being dishonest. They were simply 'smarter'. By doing that, a huge contrast would be obvious after the makeover.

However, I did not expect that this dishonesty would manifest itself in a greater form ie. as a lack of integrity even in something so small as being a part-time piano tutor.

At the commencement of the lessons, I had conveyed my wish to her that I would like Coco to take her Grade One exam the following year. That would give her one year to prepare Coco for the exam. With some piano foundation, I didn't think it would be a problem, and Fanny said she could. However, towards the end of the lessons, she said that Coco was 'not ready'.

I have good reasons to believe that she wilfully terminated Coco's lessons because she knew she lacked the competency to prepare Coco for her exam, because Coco took just about 9 months to prepare for her exam at the music school, and she started learning the exam pieces only 2 months away from the exam.

Oh, she suggested I let Coco learn piano 'for leisure, don't have to take exam'. I have no issue about letting kids learning for leisure if the kid is really not keen on piano, but before she tells me she freaks out at the thought of exam, I don't see any reason not preparing my kid for piano exam for grading purposes. Now, I wonder if Fanny herself would refrain her kids from taking piano exams and just learn for leisure.

This episode taught me a lesson: never engage a part-time tutor.

And for me on another level: not to engage a private part-time tutor

Present music school

I wouldn't say I am completely happy with it. However, I do appreciate the school's honesty to put on record the lessons Coco misses and make up for them as and when the schedule permits. There are times when I forget that Coco still had a few paid lessons that were skipped and the receptionist would kindly give her a slot and call to inform me to go down to the school to complete the lesson.

Coco started her lessons with the school since last November. We have had a change of 3 tutors due to the change in Coco's CCA schedule. These 3 tutors are very patient teachers. The current tutor Coco is under is young (only 20) but the fact that she underwent the same system and exam helps. She has realistic expectations and seeks to get Coco to improve each time she teaches.

My only grouse about the school is its late preparation for Coco's exam. Otherwise, I am quite happy with it in terms of its teaching method and the tutors.

Verdict

I feel that it is always safer to go to music schools as we are able to seek recourse in the event the tutors are not professional in their dealings with you. Most importantly, there is no ambiguity, especially when it comes to the fees and number of lessons.

I like this present music school as it allows you to sit in to observe the lessons so that you can help your own child with the practices at home. Another reason I had doubts about the private part-timer's ability was because she didn't allow parents to sit in.

Tutors at music schools are accountable to the schools so the likelihood of them teaching the wrong things is low, compared to private tutors. Like what I mentioned in the private part-time tutor segment, Coco complained that 'piano is difficult'. I didn't understand why until she was learning at the present music school - the private tutor had jumped from Skill Level One to Level Three! The bridging level (Level Two) was ignored and thus Coco found it a struggle to cope with a more advanced level. From what I heard from Coco, the tutor didn't do a good job of teaching her to read notes. She simply told her that this note is say, A. So whenever you see this note, press this key. Such an islolated, rote memorising method didn't work well for Coco. She ended up memorising when she should press this and that key, which could not apply to the next piano piece.

I used to think that a disadvantage about music schools is that we cannot skip lessons, even if we have valid reasons. The present music school has dispelled my misconception. So far, it has made consensus for the missed lessons and never fails to make up for them. With such a system, I haven't got enough reasons to turn to private tutors, what with the risks that come with them.

The Day

Today marks a significant milestone in Coco's piano-learning: she took her Grade 1 Exam this morning.

She has been taking piano lessons since primary one from different tutors ie. the Canadian-methodology school, a patient full-time piano tutor, a part-time cheat, and now this music school.

It has always been my deep wish to let her take Grade One exam so that she may start embarking on this journey of music.

I felt the pressure when Coco was only given her exam pieces in June, when she was due to take her exam in August! She was expected to play 3 pieces in all and she was only taught how to play the third piece 'Trudging' only 3 weeks before! I guess I can't expect a distinction from her since she was taught so last minute, but I must admit I was worried that she would fail after so many years of learning piano.

The school called me yesterday to inform me of the dress code: formal.

1) Long skirt - must be over the knees
2) Covered shoes

I actually bought the skirt and shoes without Coco last night.

I was pleasantly surprised to see her match the skirt so well with a nice blouse. She is a natural fashionista.

When she came out of the exam room, she was holding her exam pieces book with two hands, looking a little worried, and calling,"Ma ..." with some hesitation.

I was shocked when I saw her out of the room after a mere ten minutes. Crazy thoughts flashed across my mind: The examiner told her that she was not ready and should go home; she should come out to get the scales book from me since she could not recall anything, and could not play the piano.

It was only when she said,"It's over." and the registrar for the exam concurred with her that I believed that it was indeed over.

All the preps for a mere ten minutes. Whoa ...

What's inside a piano?

The interior of the piano never fails to amaze me. Every time the tuner comes in for the half-yearly tuning, I would stand by to stare at him doing his job. A piano looks so sleek and simple, yet the interior is so complex. I read that a piano is made up of ... 100 parts?

Surprisingly, a white key looks like this - the whole chunk of it. I always imagined that it's just the white portion.

Enrichment Classes

I had the chills yesterday and it lasted from morning till late evening.

I slept at 9 pm and woke up at 2 am. Can't get to sleep after that. The backache that I got from the after-effect of epidural bothered me quite abit, so in the end I woke up to do some online chatting, surf net and eventually blog here.

I realised it hasn't been easy to get Coco to like Chinese to the extent of getting her to write Chinese characters through her own initiative. It bothers me because I find it difficult to understand what's there not to like about Chinese. And it dawns on me that it could have been a grave mistake to alienate Coco from Chinese since her babyhood. Now she is not able to recognise characters in her textbooks although technically, she should have already learnt them.

I'm starting to source for enrichment centres. For someone who doesn't believe in paying others to tutor the kid, I'm adopting the 'If you can't beat them, join them' mentality.

I'm left with little choice because it's hard going getting Coco to do Chinese stuff. It never occurs to me that she would dislike Chinese or find it a challenge to cope with. I always thought it part of our nature to like and be interested in anything Chinese ie. words and stories.

I'm starting to be afraid that it might be too late to start her on Chinese. I hope I'm wrong.

I've faxed over to The Learning Lab on English enrichment. Let's see how it turns out.

I've also enrolled Coco in the piano course conducted by Asia Music School. The Chinese-national teacher seems friendly and kind. She doesn't force Coco to do things that she resists and teaches her patiently. I hope that this time round, Coco can at least take her Grade One exam some time next year. It has been unpleasant dealing with private piano tutors, especially the last one. Private ones tend to take advantage of the fact that you're relying on them for everything from lessons to taking exams. In short, they are not as professional as the ones teaching in schools. And part-time tutors are dubious and fly-by-night. Some have been known to cheat money from parents. Even the last piano tutor I had, by the name of Fanny (yeah, she didn't even give me her surname), cheated me of $50. She was incapable of sending Coco to the Grade One exam and had the gall to say that my slot had been given up to another child, which in my opinion was dubious, and thus could not continue with the lessons. To say that I was disgusted is an understatement. It makes me seriously doubt the integrity of musical instrument learners and that was one of the reasons I wanted to stop Coco from learning piano. I didn't want her to be like these people.

Eventually, I felt that it's more the upbringing and inculcation of values that matter more rather than what you learn. Besides, she seems more interested in learning piano this time round. When I sat in the last lesson, it was clear to me that she was paying attention and asking pertinent questions whenever she was not clear about what the teacher was teaching. I asked her what made her so interested this time round. She replied that 2 of her classmates played beautiful piano pieces in class and they had Grade Five. She said the whole class was only this quiet when their teacher threatened to get the one who talked to wash the toilet.

I only realised that the previous tutors had been making the mistake of getting Coco to do a Level Three piano book when she hadn't done Level Two. It made the task of playing the pieces highly challenging as she hadn't picked up the skills at Level Two yet. I myself was put off by the difficulty level of the pieces. It was only when this current teacher showed us the Level Two book that I realised what we've been missing out. Level Two is a bridging of the skills learnt at One and Three. And the private tutors had not been able to notice that! It speaks alot of the integrity and capability of private piano tutors.

I'll see how it goes with this music school. So far, I quite like the teacher, although she is a Chinese national. A piano tutor must be able to inculcate the love and interest for playing piano, which I thought was lacking in the private tutors. Surprisingly, I found it in this piano teacher from a music school. Most people would think that private instructors and tutors are better since they are able to get business by their own virtue. However, I beg to differ for piano tutors, at least for the time being.

Piano world forum

I was just logging onto the computer when I felt like it's a long time since I last checked the piano world forum out.

It's a great forum, especially the thread on Singapore piano lovers. It was very helpful when I was on the lookout for a piano for Coco, although it was a painful struggle to decide which piano to get on my end. But I'm glad I bought U1 in the end, although it's a big sum of money to me. At least I don't have to wonder if a brand new piano would sound different or if I'm shortchanging Coco on the training of the ear.

Of course the money that I could have saved from buying a second-hand piano would have been substantial. Up till now I'm still repaying my education loan from the CPF in fact. If not for this piano, I would have been free from the loan repayment more than six months ago. But I would never shortchange my Coco.

One of the forummers listed out the places that sell pianos - new and used. It makes me reminisce about the times when my elder sister drove me around on weekends and even weekdays right after my work to look at used pianos at different piano shops. We must have been to more than 12 of those shops. Wow! It was alot of effort and time definitely. We are all laymen to pianos, not knowing what to look out for although the forum had listed the key things down because we never learn how to play a piano. Whatever do you mean by 'bright sound'? Or 'light or heavy to the touch'? They are supposed to be quite simple language to a layman, but we still didn't understand. Having been to more than 12 used piano shops didn't help much although we could try to speculate if this and that was what those forummers meant. But at least we'd done our best.

Enrichments - Are they too much?

Time really flies when you are maintaining a blog.

It's been 6 days since my last post. I'd meant to upload a pic of the piano which had arrived last Saturday, but I haven't got round to doing it because I've been busy - I received the piano on Saturday late morning, went out in the afternoon till 11pm for the school's anniversary dinner; went to church and my cousin's wedding on Sunday and only came home at 12.40am; went to piano tutor's place for piano lesson and visited the doc for Coco's asthmatic cough on Monday; and today, I'm back in school for some meeting that never seems to be taking place. And that's why I'm here updating my blog.

It's only been a few days since the piano arrived, but I'm beginning to feel the tension - the monthly instalments I'm going to pay to my sister for the next five months, the need to hound after Coco to do her theory homework and practise on the piano. I'm really worried because she doesn't seem to be very enthusiastic in playing the piano. Perhaps it's the starting stage and she hasn't learnt any song yet. It probably seems boring and monotonous to her that she needs to do the finger drills and trying to familiarise herself with the notes.

I was already asking her which one she would like to give up in the event she needs to give one up: piano or ballet. I foresee that she will not be able to cope with the demands of both, on top of swimming which is supposed to be good for her health, as well as her academics. However, I really would like her to do well in all these, for personal developments.

Deep within my heart, I know that her passion is painting. However, being someone who used to like painting, I refuse to let her learn painting from any tom, dick and harry. The only qualified art school, it seems to me, is NAFA. I find the distance quite out of the way though. But William reminded me that her piano lesson takes place at the other end of the island, which is a huge irony that I'm thinking of not letting her go for the art lesson over proximity reasons.

On her part, Coco would like to join the robotics club in her school. I don't want her to be overloaded with all the enrichment activities that she doesn't even have time for her studies. That would be wrong prioritisation.

I'm worried that I'm imposing my own wish on little Coco. It's always been my wish that my daughter plays piano: my daughter MUST play piano.

But now, as a mother, I want to, and I need to, respect my daughter's wish. The piano is bought, but her wish is more important than mine.