Give thanks

It's been more than a week since results are out.

I'm happy (for a lack of better words to describe how I feel) the way things have turned out. Lots of people are disgruntled about their honours grading.

It's a huge relief not to be one of them, really. I've had my share of grouse during my Dip Ed days, and still have - if not for that si ang moh (in Huiyi's words, haha ...) supervisor and that stupid cooperating teacher whom I can't even remember her name, I would have been able to cross over and got my degree 2 years earlier, and need not fork out 12k cold hard cash just for the school fees alone. I'm confident that I would still have been able to get the honours I got today, two years ago, if not even better. Now, I don't even get to be considered for First Class because my darn practicum only had 'pass'. The comfort lies in me getting the same pay as a First Class although First Class obviously enjoys higher prestige. I need to remind myself that the pay bracket was my ultimate aim, not the prestige, now that I've gotten it. I wouldn't want God to take away something He has given because I've grown haughty.

It's with trepidation that I reopened the portal services to retrieve my final exam results. I'm so afraid that what I had seen earlier could be a mistake. I'm so worried that someone might call me up and tell me that there's been a mistake. I get really paranoid. I kept thinking if there's anything I could have missed out to verify that it's my result slip - the name, the number I punched in to gain access to the results etc. Up till now, I'm still worried that there might be a mistake.

In any case, I've laid my hand on what many would be envious of. I ought to feel grateful that I get to snag a degree in my lifetime, by the virtue of NIE.

There're quite a few 'shock' cases in which friends or people whom we deem 'good' or 'intelligent' or 'lots of As one' do not get a better honours. Sometimes it just makes you wonder how the system works ie. why people who get vastly different results get the same kinda grading.

But I'm really glad that this time, there's justice (although many would vehemently disagree). And my hard work paid off, finally.

I sent a few thank-you emails to a few tutors. I've always wanted to thank them but didn't do it during the term time because I didn't want to feel like I was buttering them up even though my conscience is clear. I'm really thankful to these tutors who had help me got this far in the ways they could. Actually, it's been my wish to thank those interviewers who granted me the job. If not, I would still have been stuck in my 'A' level position, drawing $1.3k gross per month, doing some reception duties, admin or clerical job. I wouldn't have been able to get Coco into the school she is in now either.

I'm really grateful. For the things that God has done in my life. For the events - bad and good - that took place to get me here. For the nice people who were there for me when I needed help. I can't ask for more.

Butterflies in my stomach

Results are slated to be out next week. Rumours have it that they will be out on Monday instead of the official Friday.

I feel quite jittery lately. Had prayed that I will accept whatever that's given. Through all the things I've experienced in life, I've started to believe that many things are 'destined'. If not because of certain things or events that took place, I would not behave in a certain way or end up at a certain place. I think it's all amazing. I believe that even if I don't get the second class upper honours that I so desire, I am sure that it's because there're other things instored for me in future.
Read a friend's blog. She was talking about whether to get a Masters as many of her colleagues are doing it. She's sure that she will not do it unless she's really interested in a subject of study.

For me, I know I will not. Not for the time being when my marriage is facing bouts of challenges, when Coco needs me in her physiological and psychological developments. I want to learn a variety of dishes to make her chubbier and healthier-looking. I want to be there for her when her friend laughs at her for not being as rich as the rest of her friends. I want to coach her in her studies to help her excel academically.

Like my friend, I have learnt my lesson too well that unless I do something that I like, I will not feel good or do well in it.

The last call

I'm finishing my CCS 403 assignment, due on Monday. It's the last assignment of the semester as well as of my stay in NIE. A little melancholic - not about finishing the assignment, but it marks the end of my campus life and the start of teaching.
It's supposed to be a 4500 word report. I've already exceeded it by a few hundred and I'm not done yet. It's just typical of me - always exceeding the word count.

Dream of a degree

I've always thought it impossible for me to get a Bachelor degree.
I'm actually grateful that I'm going to get one real soon becos NIE allowed me into teaching. It's been a wonderful experience going back to study, and the friends I've made here have been really kind to me.

If as Jufri had said, the GPA system has been accurate although we are not on that system, I should snag a second upper at the end of the program. I'm contented to have a second upper, knowing that I'm not the smartest person around. I've been hardworking tho, bcos I'm grateful I get the chance to study again, in a government-recognised institution at that. A second upper would bring in more money too. I need the money, in case anything happens to my marriage.