My nursey Coco

Last night, as I was reading Psalm 23 to Coco, she flipped the page and it cut my finger. I shook my finger vigorously to relieve the pain and was howling in pain. She ran to get me a plaster and came back to the bed. While she was peeling off the plaster, William looked at her and said,"I'm also in pain." Without a glance at him, Coco continued peeling the plaster and dismissed it with a nonchalant "Don't bluff." William and I laughed.

Coco brought home her first Chinese test paper in which she got 29.5 out of 30. The half mark was due to her carelessness in placing the pitch mark. She could have even copied from a hanyu pinyin listed in the paper but I guess she just overlooked it.
She had told me that she 'checked' her paper after completing it. I'm very impressed I must say. Most children do not know what it means to 'check your paper' even at Primary 3 and she already understood the meaning of checking her paper. I think she's really intelligent - compared to, and definitely more so than, her mummy.

I was, actually, it's 'am', starting to worry about whether she can get into GEP.
I'm quite sure she's fine with English. She's already reading books that are beyond P1 and can read words like 'astonishment'. So I've no worries about her English vocabulary.

I'm worried about her Maths though. She's not a Maths person and I think it's fairly clear even at this stage. Although she's not weak in it, but she doesn't exhibit the similar level of intelligence she has for English in Maths.

I really hope she can get into a GEP class because I want her to get into the Special stream at secondary level. Do I sound like I'm mad or obsessed with academic performance? She's only started her Primary One and I'm thinking about secondary education. Well, I think it's really important how one fares at the foundation level because it has an impact on one's future.

I'm also worried about the school actually. I've heard so much about how elite or top schools load children with homework, but it's quite the opposite for her school. There's extremely little homework! And I think the standard, say for the Chinese test, and the worksheets given to them in class, do not even match the standard of the assessment books I bought. How can I not worry? Even neighbourhood schools have tons of homework. And it's on a daily basis. But her school doesn't give homework frequently. At most one or two-page worksheets once or twice a week. I find that very strange!

I hope the school knows what it's doing. More than forty percent of their PSLE students go to Special Stream. It's just about the highest percentage among the top schools. Although they don't produce the top scholar for PSLE, they have at least ten students who get more than 260 every year without fail. So I'm really hoping that the school is on the right track. (Still worried)

Miss Coco

I miss Coco.

My father took her back to his place. In any case, I needed time and space to study for my exams.

When she's not around, I drink bandung to make me feel like she's with me.

It's only two days that I haven't seen her, but I miss her.

My Visual DNA

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Here's Coco with her beloved friends on her birthday in class.

Why I want As

Perhaps to some people, I may come across as being hard-up for As. But I seriously don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as I get them through my own effort.
I want As becos I want a second upper. And I want a second upper becos I have a child to support. I've learnt that I can't depend on men, no matter what they promised you, no matter how rosy a picture they paint you. This is my child. If I don't support her, or if I don't have enough money to support her, I can't count on William to do it. I need the money that comes with second upper honours. I seriously need it.
There're some modules I don't mind not having As, but some people seem to think that I want As even when I don't deserve it. Like the Language Testing module, I'm not looking at an A bcos I got a B for my first assignment which makes up 30%. I've already given up hope on it. I'm happy with a B+ for the second assignment, but my friends seem to think that I'm disappointed with it. I'm also happy with the grade bcos the good ones in the class also got this grade. I knew that I can't do too well in the module becos the exam only constitutes 40%. I tend to do better in examinable modules that has a large percentage based in exam. 40% won't change much. And most important of all, I am quite lost in this module. I don't understand the concepts. It's not only applicative, but alot of memorisation and thinking-on-the-spot.
I'll give priority to my Written Discourse since that one is more likely to get an A-, and I prefer this module. It's memorisation based which suits me fine. :)
I'm stressed tho. Language Testing mainly. I hope to manage a B+ for the final grade. A B- or C would pull my overall grade down alot.
I need to get about 2 or 3 more As to kind of secure a second upper. Even if I don't get a second upper, I would be at peace with myself for the grades I've gotten. At least this time round, I can tell others that I've given my best. And this is my best. I've always been a lousy student, always aiming for a pass. I remember how I aimed for C6s at O level and Es at A level. It was a miracle that I had a C6 for Maths becos I thought I would fail it - I've flunk Maths since Sec Two. I had to count my blessings that I got Es for History and Econs. If not, I wouldn't even have been able to enter NIE. I've scraped through exams after exams, aiming for just a pass. I don't want to waste my life continuing to ask and try for the minimum. Most important of all, I got a child. I need her to be proud of her mother.

An email that was never sent

It occurred to me that I could write an email to him yesterday. I started typing. I felt that I had said everything on my mind I wanted him to know. But just about I was going to wrap up the email, it rained, thundered several times and the power tripped! Couldn't believe it! The whole email was wiped out!
There was no way I could retrieve it. I didn't save it as a draft. When I tried typing in a word document, I realised I couldn't go beyond the first line. It was a very emotionally loaded email and I just couldn't go thro the same ordeal as I typed the email again.
Like what one of the chatters said, perhaps it's a sign for me not to send the email.
I wish we could talk without having him getting all emotional and flared up, but it's like it's not going to happen. I just feel that I can't talk to him about money matters anymore. Perhaps in time to come, he'll see that I'm serious about saving up for Coco.

The last call

I'm finishing my CCS 403 assignment, due on Monday. It's the last assignment of the semester as well as of my stay in NIE. A little melancholic - not about finishing the assignment, but it marks the end of my campus life and the start of teaching.
It's supposed to be a 4500 word report. I've already exceeded it by a few hundred and I'm not done yet. It's just typical of me - always exceeding the word count.