Damn Me!

I really hate myself lately. Ever since Coco goes to that school, pride has sneaked up on me, formed on me, developed and grown into this huge tumour on my face and I didn't even realise:

1) I started to tell my closer friends, excessively, about the school, about how small and inferior I feel when compared to the tai-tai mothers in Coco's school - with, I suspect, a tinge of pride in Coco's going to the 'school for the rich-and-famous';
2) I almost wanted to tell my friend that the school she thought is very good isn't as good as she'd imagined, and 'creating awareness' that her dream school cannot be on par with Coco's;
3) I was surprised that a friend didn't know that that school is a 'good' school.

I mean, how cruel can I get? How elitist can my attitude get? How proud and even arrogant can I get? I really have to stop all these behaviours. If not, I'll just lose my friends.

I'm just thinking about how successful people can remain humble despite their achievements or how a widely travelled person could have his mouth sealed while listening to another's limited travel experience, not that mine can be compared to all these. I'm just thinking about how they do it, their literal behaviour. Do they say something? Being someone not apt at talking, the best thing I can do for myself and people around me is probably to keep my mouth shut. I have my own family to talk to anyway, and they know when I tell them about Coco's antics in school, it's not about bragging or being proud about that school.

I didn't realise that the word was 'elitist' until Huiling describes some school as "elite schools". Imagine primary schools being elite schools. It didn't come across to me that way. I thought 'elite' is a word applied to secondary schools onward as getting into a 'good' primary school is not by merit of academic success, but by the virtue of your parents being an old boy/old girl.

I'll just have to stop talking about Coco. God knows how hard it is for a mother to stop talking about her angel-daughter, and she really is an angel short of having a halo and a pair of 'rainbow wings'. But it's hard not to talk about the school when you talk about your kid, right? Especially when she's in Primary One. It's a significant milestone in a child's life. I simply adore her. What have I done to deserve a daughter so perfect? I often have this sense of unworthiness when it comes to Coco. Some other mothers would be a better mother than I.