Baby at 26th week

Actually I've lost track of the exact week of the pregnancy due to my busy work schedule. I can only try to make a close guess at it.

She's weighing at 992 g. Dr Ang said that she's on the big side and advised me to cut down on the carbo intake. I was quite shocked because my tummy is still quite small compared to other pregnant women.

He said that she's in an 'oblique' position, in which her head is on my tummy's upper right side, the body in the centre of my tummy and her legs at my tummy's bottoom left. 'Slanted' I call it.

She's very active. I can feel her kicks on a daily basis, and sometimes, she kicks on my bladder I think, which makes me feel as if my urine could come out.

I feel very guilty towards this baby. Up till now, I haven't got a name for her. And my job entails screaming at the kids and getting upset and angry very often. I know it's not good for the baby, but who can help it?

This pregnancy is certainly quite different from my experience with Coco. I continue to feel very tired - but it could also be due to the demanding nature of my job. I often have shoulder aches, and recently, I got backaches. Just last night, William and I quarrelled over the need to massage my back. He was very impatient and rubbed very hard on my back and shoulders. I got angry with him and screamed at him, accusing him of trying to make me suffer a miscarriage.

When I woke up this morning, I saw that the house is in a mess. Mess everywhere. Dining table, coffee table, platform, bedroom, Coco's bedroom, kitchen sink, even the basin where we brush our teeth - there was a worm swimming in some remaining water.

I know that it's not easy on William these few months. It's especially challenging to wake up at 5am every day without fail to prepare Coco for school. I myself can't do it. I was already struggling when William and I alternated on the days we get up early to prep her.

I packed some parts of the house, especially things that belong to Coco, and abit of mine. William is right in that the things that make the house messy are actually ours, not his. Sometimes I wonder if I've been too hard on William. He's never done a day of housework in his life before marriage. He's been trying, although the standard is still very far from my expectations. Perhaps I should be more forgiving towards his ineptness at doing housework. Or maybe I'm just finding an outlet to vent my frustrations at his debts. The debts are still there. His grandfather didn't manage to clear them for him. I'm very stressed up over his debts and his gambling habits.

Sometimes I wonder if all's been worth it to marry him so early to let Coco enter his alma mater. But Coco's everything to me. I remember promising myself to give her the best the moment I set my eyes on her 8 years ago. I haven't let this down. What is more important than giving her the best school she can go? I have wasted my youth on a jerk. It is of secondary importance to me that I'm going to spend another 10 years with another jerk. I'm just worried about the financial load he might bring on me, and Coco.