Torn between

I have been following the facebook page of Pastor Kong and threads in these forums: asiaone, kiasuparents and hardwarezone.

The more I read the responses to Pastor Kong's tweetered messages and the threads in the forums, the sadder I feel.

I agree that the CAD has a 100% track record in nailing people they charge.

To a large extent, I have to agree with the many observations and criticisms on the threads and his facebook page.

A blogger posted a story about Truth in our heart.

Perhaps it's true that truth will be revealed with time, no matter how much support you have or have not.

For this matter, God knows the truth. And Pastor Kong knows the truth. It is in his heart.

Rev. A. R. Bernard said that there are two sides to a story.

Pastor Kong said that he looked forward to the day when he could tell his side of the story in court.

And it came to my mind something a friend told me when I was just a gullible 19.

We were both at a stage when we were lost in life - didn't fare well in our studies, didn't know what to do, where to go after getting our half-past-six results. He was 26 and had been working in a library but knew that could not be his final destination.

We were discussing about career options and he told me that he did consider a career as a prison officer, citing being well paid as the main reason.

But, he heard from his friend who was a prison officer, that they needed to take criminals who were sentenced to death to the gallow.

The night before the prisoners were brought to the gallow, they would suddenly be very afraid, and plead with the friend,"Please help me! Please tell the judge that I am innocent! I am really innocent! I really didn't commit the crime!"

Naive as I was, I asked,"Oh, did your friend help them?"

My friend answered,"No, because every one of them would say the same thing, that they are innocent. They are just afraid of dying."

Perhaps these criminals have their side of the stories too.

Then it brought to my mind a Hong Kong drama serial which used to air on Sunday mornings.

The male protagonist killed his friend and he felt that he had done the right thing.

In court, when he was cross-examined by the lawyer and subsequently convicted, he shouted,"No! The crux isn't whether I killed him or not! The crux is whether I was right to kill him!"

The judge immediately silenced the court, and proclaimed,"The crux IS whether the accused killed the victim!"


Yes. The crux is whether you committed the crime, not why you did it.

I hope Pastor Kong, in all his wisdom, is not blinded from the fundamental fact that it is whether he did it matters.

I remember how Pastor Kong would tell the congregation,"God has blessed Singapore with an upright government."

Yet, he is now prosecuted by the very judicial system he deemed upright and just.

There can only be one side that is right, and I am very afraid to admit, that side isn't Pastor Kong's.

On one hand, I wish Pastor Kong could own up and admit that he too is a mere man, imperfect and fallible.

On the other, I wish what he has claimed so far is all just and fair, that his integrity is not compromised despite all allegations.

I feel so torn between both sides. I feel heart-broken that this man whom I believe wholeheartedly despite not seeing eye-to-eye with his methods to achieve his vision is being held like a criminal, and in many people's eyes, he is already a criminal because of the CAD's 100% track record.

I feel heart-broken that all incriminating evidence is pointing to him.

I feel heart-broken that I have to accept that Pastor Kong did make a serious mistake, perfect as he was a man in my eyes.

I feel heart-broken that my beloved friends who graciously gave me their friendships when I was desperate for one are on the verge of being forced to accept that their trusted pastors are not as above-reproach as they have been all these years.

I feel heart-broken that my dear friends continue to believe that Pastor Kong did not err when evidence is there. But yet I know, how could they not believe him? They have been with him for just about 20 years!

The fact is: Pastor Kong is only a man.

He was a man after God's heart. Nobody could deny that he was.

But he is also fallible. He is just a man, almost perfect as he was.

I wish I could post something about it on my facebook, yet I couldn't. I don't want to hurt my CHC friends whom I have held dearly in my heart even though we haven't met in years.

I don't want them to think that I have taken the position of an outsider now that things have gone south.

I can only read the links and photos that show support to the pastors my CHC friends share and read the snide remarks made by non-CHC friends on the quiet.