4th Lesson Already

I had completed 4 swimming lessons.

When others had learnt how to kick in water and started swimming within the first or second lesson, I was still learning how to stand in a 1m deep pool.

At the third lesson, I almost drowned. Everytime, after floating in the water, and letting go of the pool side in an attempt to curl my legs forward in order to stand, I would be terrified of the lack of control and support. And I would fall into the pool and unable to balance myself or set myself upright.

Most of the time, the coach would be in front of or beside me, and I would grab his hand like a drowning woman. And I would be safe.

However, he was a few steps away from me and back-facing me to teach the other ladies for that instance when I floated away from the pool edge.

I could not even shout for help as I had panicked and took in water as I opened my mouth. I struggled like mad and grabbed the air as my last resort.

Fortunately, for some reason, I managed to struggle to the pool side and grabbed the edge.

I was so frightened I actually cried. My right thigh suffered a cramp that lasted for a couple of days due to the intense panicky kicking.

The helpless and I-am-going-to-drown feeling felt so similar to the time when I fell into the water thirty years ago.

The difference was: the coach that I had as a child asked me to sit by the pool and not do anything anymore; this coach made me go back into the water almost immediately and got me to walk around the pool till the fear was not so intense. He pulled my hands as I walked so that I would feel safe.

Towards the end of the third lesson, I finally learnt how to stand in the pool. It actually requires your head to tilt down into the water as your legs cave in to the body in preparation to stand. Previously, I could not do that as curling up in the water is something inconceivable to me.

At the fourth lesson, I finally could move my hands to 'draw a circle' without moving my legs. I had problems making my legs still when I moved my hands and I often lost my balance the moment I started to move my hands.

For someone with an intense fear of water, I could move a little - and I mean, 'little', in the water now.

I did have thoughts of giving up after the embarrassing third lesson. My father, sister, mother and Coco laughed when I told them I almost drowned. They already know that it was a 1-m pool. It is incomprehensible to them how anyone could attempt to drown herself in such shallow water.

I am glad I didn't. Now I look forward to the next lesson.