The Exhausted Me

I have been unwell. 'Unwell' because I do not know what is wrong with myself.

For about 2 weeks, poor appetite is the story of my life.

At first, I was quite pleased. Pleased, because I got to tip the scale at the lighter end. I would go without food from morning to late afternoon. And I would be too full for dinner. So I would go to sleep without dinner.

Then I realised that I didn't even want to eat my favourite chicken rice anymore. I tried to think about the food I love, and I realised I didn't even feel hungry for them.

Then I feel exhausted every day.

I could not wake up to take Baby to school this week. I felt extremely tired even after I had woken up. Thankfully, William seemed to be understanding towards my exhaustion and took Baby to school on his own accord.

I went to see a doctor last Friday. I told him I had been exhausted, and had headache on some days. He immediately said that it sounded like I was stressed.

I was a little surprised as I didn't think I was stressed. Although lesson observation and book-checking are coming up, I have never considered them as stress-inducers.

So I went on to describe what I had felt: shortness of breath and not feeling hungry even when I went without food for two meals.

He was sure it was stress.

I was not convinced, but had to make do with his diagnosis.

A week later, I still feel exhausted and not excited about food. And worse, I have difficulty in breathing when I lie down flat. I googled it and read that it was a common symptom of heart failure!

So I went to see my very trusted doctor who had been accurate in administering the right medicines so far.

Unfortunately, he appeared to have the same diagnosis: I am stressed.

I told him these are physical sensations, not anything mental. And he said,"Yes, I know you are FEELING it."

I felt so helpless and exasperated that the doctor did not believe me.

Although he diagnosed that I have inflammation of small intestines, leading to my feeling sian, and thus exhaustion, I am still not convinced that I am under stress.

When I got home at 10.30am, I fell asleep immediately, only to be waken up by a call 45 minutes later.

At 3.50pm, I fell asleep again and woke up less than an hour later, again.

I can only hope that the exhaustion leaves me real soon.