A Two-Decade-Old Apology

I was 13 and was a fervent church-goer.

He was a Roman Catholic who had a lot of philosophies in his head.

As typically foolish, obstinate young teenagers, we often insisted on our own beliefs and had debates about Christianity to no end.

He didn't attend any church so I invited him to mine.

He was convinced immediately by the charismatic pastor and converted to being a Protestant.

He became a zealous Christian who went to church a few times a week attending prayer meetings, cell group meeting, Sunday service and other ad hoc meetings.

The parents were unhappy that he was spending so much time in church. They demanded that he made a choice between going to church and going to school.

He chose church-going.

His parents withdrew him from school at a young age of 14.

I felt that I had to bear part of the responsibility since I was the one who introduced him to the church.

But I did not have the chance, nor did I have the courage, to speak to him.

Ten years ago, I met him near my parents' place. I was too surprised for words. Besides calling him by his name, which he acknowledged by nodding his head, I did not know what else to say. We walked past each other. I confided in William who was then with me, about what had happened and told him about the guilt I felt. He comforted me that the guy's life might not have turned out as bad as I had imagined and I had received my retribution for the rough times in my life.

But meeting him that day had always been something that hovered in my mind.

Today, I met him on a bus.

I asked if he was him and he nodded, as usual.

I took my seat beside him and asked if he lived around the area. He replied me that he had been living there since 2004. He also mentioned that he was working in an electronic factory near the area.

I asked if he did continue to pursue his studies after he was withdrawn from school. He said he did complete his secondary school education 'from outside'.

I continued to ask if he was married and he said yes, and he was on his way to pick his children, 7 and 12, up.

We were quiet for a while.

Then I spoke,"I have always wanted to apologise to you ..."

And a tear appeared out of nowhere and landed on the side of my nose. I had not meant to be dramatic or had predicted that tears would stream down. It was something that had passed and I did not think it would still strike a sensitive vein in me.

He looked surprised and quickly said,"No, no. You think too much. It had nothing to do with you."

I continued with tears welling up in my eyes,"If I had not taken you to church ..."

He interrupted,"No. They were family problems and personal problems. My family members took things to the extreme. It was a personal problem. You think too much."

Then he had to alight. Before he did, he continued to assure me that it had nothing to do with me.

It was a guilt that did not go away for close to three decades. After what happened to him, I did not try to invite any friend to church again. I had felt responsible for ruining a peer's future. Most of the time, I was able to forget about the matter but occasionally, the guilt would creep up to remind me of the crime I had committed and it would leave me wondering the whereabouts of the guy and of course, the usual cliff hanger 'if only I had not taken him to church ...'

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to say my sorry to someone I felt I had done wrong to. A burden that had weighed on my heart for so long. Today, I finally lay it down.