My Boudoir

As mentioned in my previous entry, I did a Boudoir ('boo-duah'), basically a lingerie or intimate shoot.

Boudoir is not a new concept, even in Singapore. For some reason, I never had the desire to have myself shot in lingerie or naked when young. I came across some photographers' portfolio and did not think that such pictures were tasteful. In fact, many were vulgar and too brass for my liking.

That was until I chanced upon Kelvin's website on Facebook. 

Kelvin was my pre-wedding photographer more than a decade ago. He was with Chris Ling, a highly popular wedding photography studio when I was getting married, and his photography style was something to my liking. He was humorous, yet phlegmatic and humble, always with a smile. He would also go the extra mile for his customers.

I knew that he had become a Boudoir photographer about 5 or 6 years ago. I remember telling William that he was doing it alone and William was 'envious' of him, being able to look at naked bodies and being paid for it.

But I did not have the desire to do it. I never imagined myself doing such a photoshoot as I was always under the impression that only well-endowed models and actresses would do it. Moreover, I was not very impressed with the pictures, then.                               

Some time early this year, I came across Kelvin's Facebook advertisement. I was captivated by the new soft, implied-nude images. Yes, just 'implied', not 'full' nude. 

He uses soft fabrics like tulle and silk to complement women's bodies. Very different from the boudoir pictures I have seen elsewhere.

By then, I was way over my prime. My not-so-big busts had further shrunken. My face was saggy. In fact, everywhere was saggy, even my calves.

So I laid off the idea. Forget it lah. Do what do? So old already still want to take that kinda pictures? Laugh die people.

But the beautiful images kept haunting me.

Then, I had a rude awakening: my eye bags.

If I don't do it now, then when? I will never be younger than NOW. Either I do it now or never.

So I signed up a $750 package which promised 5 hard and soft copies of the shoot.

Even then, I procrastinated on taking the pictures. 

I booked the session in early May, I procrastinated till I could not do so anymore - I did it on 30th June, the last day my promotional package would expire.

I confirmed the date just a week before. And I started my so-called 'quick slimming programme'. I did sit-ups every night. From just being able to do 10 sit-ups the first night, I improved to 25, the night before the shoot.

I ate little for dinner in the 3 days leading up to the shoot.

On the day of the shoot, I arrived one hour early thinking that it started at 10am. 

Kelvin met me at the door. I told him he was my pre-wedding photographer and we chatted till the make-up artiste arrived. 

We talked about our changes in jobs, how he evolved to become a boudoir photographer, and the lingerie I purchased for the shoot. 

At 11am, the make-up artiste introduced herself as Bobbi from The Makeup Room and proceeded to do the make-up for me.

I informed her that I had fillers done so she was gentle with my cheeks. She was quite unlike most make-up artistes I have been through, not that I have had many experiences with make-up artistes. She asked what my preference for my make-up was and when I sought her opinion, she suggested 'natural'.

When she realised I was not very comfortable with my hair being swept to a particular side, she immediately swept it back instead of insisting on her proposition when she was the professional.

We chatted a little about fillers and she agreed with me that eye creams don't work for eye bags. We went on to chat about my filler experience since she did not seem to have the intention to have any but did not mind listening to enrich her filler knowledge.

The make-up was finished at about 12pm, and the shoot began.

We started with a short dress I had brought. Eventually, we didn't pick any images from the short dress series, but it proved to be a nice warm-up into the shoot.

William came to watch the shoot as he was worried on many counts: 

- he did not want me to be touched by the photographer

- he wanted to ensure that I did not show too much skin

- he was worried that I would show my vital parts unwittingly

Quite silly, right? What do you expect when you are doing a shoot like this? After a few hours, William had to leave to pick Baby up.

By 4pm, we did the lingerie shoot. Kelvin said,"It's the last series."

I got a shock. I said,"Huh? But I also want to shoot with those (pointing to the fabrics)."

Kelvin probably thought I only wanted to do a lingerie shoot because I mentioned to him that William was not comfortable with me doing a boudoir and had followed to watch.

But like I said, Kelvin would go the extra mile for his clients. 

Subsequently, we did implied-nudes, using different fabrics to shield or cover the vital parts of the body.

I was given a bathrobe to wear each time I was to move to a different backdrop so that I didn't have to walk all over the studio half-naked or naked.

I was surprised Kelvin never did ask me to smile, square my shoulder, suck in my tummy. When I asked, he replied that he was not taking passport photos! We laughed.

Throughout the session, we laughed a lot, talked a lot, like friends.

The shoot seemed to be done fairly quickly, but by the time I checked the time, it was 7pm! How time flies when you are enjoying yourself!

The shoot was actually accompanied with a female assistant who was Kelvin's wife, Elaine. She was the more talkative and sanguine personality compared to Kelvin and she was very adept at making people very comfortable quickly. When any adjustments needed to be made to the props which were in close proximity to my body, she would be the one to do it. The closest Kelvin had ever come to touching me was to position a finger or two and he would ask for my permission to do so. Never presumptuous that the client or friend has become too comfortable with him, like stupid ol' me often do.

I have shown my female friends and cousins my unedited images and they were surprised at my 'courage'.

They asked how I had felt in front of the photographer and my reply was the same,"He was very humble and nice, and made me very comfortable. I did not feel awkward in front of him."

About a week passed before I was informed to shortlist the images.

All the time, I didn't know what I should hope for. Should I hope for many great images? Then I might end up buying many and burning a hole in my pocket. Should I hope for lousy images? Then I would be very disappointed that the shoot didn't work out. In the end, I decided that I should hope for exactly 5 fantastic images because that was how many images my package had included.

When I started viewing the pictures, my breath was taken away. There were so many sides of myself I never saw or knew. It was like how Hermione felt when she saw her own backview in one of the earlier Harry Potter movies,"Does my back look like that?"

Suddenly, I felt empowered. It was a curious feeling. The images were an embodiment of strength in femininity. It sounds silly but it felt like women were created to be women indeed. I find myself trying to be a man in many ways, especially after marriage, ironically, but the images were a strong reminder that I am a woman. And I don't have to prove that I am stronger or better than men, because we are differently created for different purposes.

Because there were too many images I liked, I topped up for a $3200 package that would allow me to possess all images and create an album of 35 pages, including the 5 images I had already paid for.

I know the price tag sounds crazy but I don't think I would do a Boudoir again. Like what someone said,"It would be a documentation of how your body sags if you do it yearly!"

I am a happy customer of Kelvin, so do check out his website if you are interested: https://kelvinlim.com.sg/

My Filler Job at Radium Medical Aesthetics

In my circle, nobody I know has gone for facial augmentations for aesthetic reasons. In fact, any form of adjustments to what Nature has given is considered a plastic surgery. It surprised the few I divulged about my trip to the aesthetic clinic, Radium Medical Aesthetics.

The first question they asked was,"What made you do it?"

I thought hard about it.

To be honest, I surprised even myself. It's not me to decide on something so major on the spot.

Perhaps my weeks of depression over my tear troughs and my then-upcoming Boudoir shoot were strong pushes for me to take the leap.

Dr Siew Tuck Wah was the third doctor I visited.

I felt at ease with him. For a high-anxiety person, chemistry with people, especially a doctor performing treatments on me, is very important.

"Chemistry" here would probably translate to how I feel the doctor views me, and how confident he is of solving my problems for me.

The Consultation

I was first attended to by Seow Wei at the reception counter when I stepped into the clinic. She entered the consultation room with me and stood by the side while the doctor examined and advised me on my best options.

Like the other two doctors, Dr Siew suggested fillers for my hollow undereyes and cheeks. He didn't have Sygmalift at his clinic although he had the older alternatives ie. HIFU and Ulthera. However, like Dr Wong at Kowayo Clinic, he said that machine-lifting is not as effective as injections.

While injecting filler was a brand new idea to me at Kowayo Clinic, I had got used to the idea by the time I reached Radium Medical. 

I asked about his threadlift method that I had read about on one of the blogs and he candidly stated that I would not be happy with the results of threadlift or HIFU/Ultera if I had done them without fillers.

He also confidently said that he was the only doctor in Singapore who had every single brand of fillers and assured me that they managed pain very well.

After going through the risks of filler-injections, Dr Siew left me to consult on the charges with Seow Wei and gave me time and space to consider if I wanted the treatment.

It was about 1.30pm. Seow Wei showed me the types of fillers available and gave me a quick education on them. Dissolvable ones such as Restylane and Belotero are good for 1 to 1.5 years while undissolvable Ellanse will last for 2 to 4 years. Dr Siew recommended dissolvable fillers for first-timers like me as I would not have room for regrets if I had opted for Ellanse. Whether I liked it or not, I would have to stick with the look for at least 2 years.

Seow Wei told me that she had a fresh filler, Radiesse, done and asked if I wanted to touch her one-week-old cheek filler to have a feel at how fillers was like. I was a little taken aback and declined the offer.

As I was asking Seow Wei about the differences in prices and lasting powers of Ellanse and other fillers, one of the reception ladies walked over and said, coolly,"Doctor is going for lunch now. He said can numb her face now if she wants to do, and he will do filler for her when he comes back half an hour later."

It took me a few seconds before I realised the 'her' and 'she' in her speech referred to me!

I panicked a little inside. What? They are talking about plastic surgeries as if they are as normal and common as having lunch!

I said I had an appointment right after that and had to leave soon. Seow Wei fixed my filler appointment at 4.30pm so that I could have the treatment on the same day.

The Procedure

When I returned at 4.30pm, I was given some biscuits and Milo to take together with some pills that would help with the bruising and swelling after the procedure.

I was led to a room where my face was cleansed and applied with numbing cream.

My sensitive face became very red. The lady immediately used an ice-roller to roll over my face repeatedly to calm it. 

After that, I waited for another ten minutes before she returned and took my 'Before' pictures.

I was then led to another room where the doctor began the procedure. Seow Wei gave me two stress balls so that I could squeeze them when I was nervous. The numbing lady assisted the doctor by applying pressure on the injected spots to stop the bleeding. She also used a small black device to press against my face so that it vibrated to distract me whenever the doctor injected on my cheeks.

Before the procedure started, Dr Siew showed me a small bowl of 5 syringes and told me that he would be using different types of Restylane fillers for different parts of the face.

They had mentioned that it would be a 20-minute procedure but I was sure it took at least 40 minutes. Dr Siew took his time to examine the spots that needed to be filled. He also noticed that I bled more than most people each time he injected into me so he wanted to take it slowly.

He saw that my left cheek was more sunken than the right, so he injected more filler there. However, he was puzzled that it still looked more sunken even after the extra jab. He seemed to deliberate over it for a while before he said it decidedly,"I'll put in more on the left side."

He ended up giving me 3.5 units of Restylane instead of the original 3 units he had intended, and charged me as 3 units as agreed on earlier.

The injections were not as traumatic as I had imagined them to be. For someone with a low threshold for pain, while most of the injections were not the most comfortable things to go through in the whole world, I would not call them 'painful'. There were one or two jabs that were like an ant's bite but they were manageable. 

Upon closer examination after the procedure, there were about 6 tiny jab-holes on my face, 3 on each side: 2 were under each of my eyes to fill up the hollowness under the tear troughs and one nearer to the laughline to plump or fill the line up.

I was given some pills to take for the next few days to help with the swelling.

The cheeks felt hard - not rock-hard, but still 'hard', and numbed. Dr Siew mentioned that my cheeks were about '10% swollen' and the swelling would subside after 3 or 4 days.

However, nobody asked me a thing when I went to my parents' place after the procedure.

A day before the filler job

Under the lighting, my eyebags are not obvious here but they do exist

The night after my filler job

Smiling was not natural. Face felt stiff.

2 days after the filler

On the 9th day, I returned to the doctor's for a review, at which he pressed and 'molded' my face so that the fillers moved to the areas he still deemed sunken.

On the 10th day, my left cheek was still a little swollen but it was not obvious.

I must say I am quite happy with the results. It doesn't turn me into a 25-year-old or even 30-year-old but I am just glad I don't have to be depressed over my eyebags for the next one year or so.

People have told me that once you start on this pursuit-of-beauty journey, there is no turning back. I do think that perhaps I might go for Ellanse injection when my filler wears off. I just might.