Thoughts attic: My Boudoir

As mentioned in my previous entry, I did a Boudoir ('boo-duah'), basically a lingerie or intimate shoot.

Boudoir is not a new concept, even in Singapore. For some reason, I never had the desire to have myself shot in lingerie or naked when young. I came across some photographers' portfolio and did not think that such pictures were tasteful. In fact, many were vulgar and too brass for my liking.

That was until I chanced upon Kelvin's website on Facebook.

Kelvin was my pre-wedding photographer more than a decade ago. He was with Chris Ling, a highly popular wedding photography studio when I was getting married, and his photography style was something to my liking. He was humorous, yet phlegmatic and humble, always with a smile. He would also go the extra mile for his customers.

I knew that he had become a Boudoir photographer about 5 or 6 years ago. I remember telling William that he was doing it alone and William was 'envious' of him, being able to look at naked bodies and being paid for it.

But I did not have the desire to do it. I never imagined myself doing such a photoshoot as I was always under the impression that only well-endowed models and actresses would do it. Moreover, I was not very impressed with the pictures, then.

Some time early this year, I came across Kelvin's Facebook advertisement. I was captivated by the new soft, implied-nude images. Yes, just 'implied', not 'full' nude.

He uses soft fabrics like tulle and silk to complement women's bodies. Very different from the boudoir pictures I have seen elsewhere.

By then, I was way over my prime. My not-so-big busts had further shrunken. My face was saggy. In fact, everywhere was saggy, even my calves.

So I laid off the idea. Forget it lah. Do what do? So old already still want to take that kinda pictures? Laugh die people.

But the beautiful images kept haunting me.

Then, I had a rude awakening: my eye bags.

If I don't do it now, then when? I will never be younger than NOW. Either I do it now or never.

So I signed up a $750 package which promised 5 hard and soft copies of the shoot.

Even then, I procrastinated on taking the pictures.

I booked the session in early May, I procrastinated till I could not do so anymore - I did it on 30th June, the last day my promotional package would expire.

I confirmed the date just a week before. And I started my so-called 'quick slimming programme'. I did sit-ups every night. From just being able to do 10 sit-ups the first night, I improved to 25, the night before the shoot.

I ate little for dinner in the 3 days leading up to the shoot.

On the day of the shoot, I arrived one hour early thinking that it started at 10am.

Kelvin met me at the door. I told him he was my pre-wedding photographer and we chatted till the make-up artiste arrived.

We talked about our changes in jobs, how he evolved to become a boudoir photographer, and the lingerie I purchased for the shoot.

At 11am, the make-up artiste introduced herself as Bobbi from The Makeup Room and proceeded to do the make-up for me.

I informed her that I had fillers done so she was gentle with my cheeks. She was quite unlike most make-up artistes I have been through, not that I have had many experiences with make-up artistes. She asked what my preference for my make-up was and when I sought her opinion, she suggested 'natural'.

When she realised I was not very comfortable with my hair being swept to a particular side, she immediately swept it back instead of insisting on her proposition when she was the professional.

We chatted a little about fillers and she agreed with me that eye creams don't work for eye bags. We went on to chat about my filler experience since she did not seem to have the intention to have any but did not mind listening to enrich her filler knowledge.

The make-up was finished at about 12pm, and the shoot began.

We started with a short dress I had brought. Eventually, we didn't pick any images from the short dress series, but it proved to be a nice warm-up into the shoot.

William came to watch the shoot as he was worried on many counts:

- he did not want me to be touched by the photographer

- he wanted to ensure that I did not show too much skin

- he was worried that I would show my vital parts unwittingly

Quite silly, right? What do you expect when you are doing a shoot like this? After a few hours, William had to leave to pick Baby up.

By 4pm, we did the lingerie shoot. Kelvin said,"It's the last series."

I got a shock. I said,"Huh? But I also want to shoot with those (pointing to the fabrics)."

Kelvin probably thought I only wanted to do a lingerie shoot because I mentioned to him that William was not comfortable with me doing a boudoir and had followed to watch.

But like I said, Kelvin would go the extra mile for his clients.

Subsequently, we did implied-nudes, using different fabrics to shield or cover the vital parts of the body.

I was given a bathrobe to wear each time I was to move to a different backdrop so that I didn't have to walk all over the studio half-naked or naked.

I was surprised Kelvin never did ask me to smile, square my shoulder, suck in my tummy. When I asked, he replied that he was not taking passport photos! We laughed.

Throughout the session, we laughed a lot, talked a lot, like friends.

The shoot seemed to be done fairly quickly, but by the time I checked the time, it was 7pm! How time flies when you are enjoying yourself!

The shoot was actually accompanied with a female assistant who was Kelvin's wife, Elaine. She was the more talkative and sanguine personality compared to Kelvin and she was very adept at making people very comfortable quickly. When any adjustments needed to be made to the props which were in close proximity to my body, she would be the one to do it. The closest Kelvin had ever come to touching me was to position a finger or two and he would ask for my permission to do so. Never presumptuous that the client or friend has become too comfortable with him, like stupid ol' me often do.

I have shown my female friends and cousins my unedited images and they were surprised at my 'courage'.

They asked how I had felt in front of the photographer and my reply was the same,"He was very humble and nice, and made me very comfortable. I did not feel awkward in front of him."

About a week passed before I was informed to shortlist the images.

All the time, I didn't know what I should hope for. Should I hope for many great images? Then I might end up buying many and burning a hole in my pocket. Should I hope for lousy images? Then I would be very disappointed that the shoot didn't work out. In the end, I decided that I should hope for exactly 5 fantastic images because that was how many images my package had included.

When I started viewing the pictures, my breath was taken away. There were so many sides of myself I never saw or knew. It was like how Hermione felt when she saw her own backview in one of the earlier Harry Potter movies,"Does my back look like that?"

Suddenly, I felt empowered. It was a curious feeling. The images were an embodiment of strength in femininity. It sounds silly but it felt like women were created to be women indeed. I find myself trying to be a man in many ways, especially after marriage, ironically, but the images were a strong reminder that I am a woman. And I don't have to prove that I am stronger or better than men, because we are differently created for different purposes.

Because there were too many images I liked, I topped up for a $3200 package that would allow me to possess all images and create an album of 35 pages, including the 5 images I had already paid for.

I know the price tag sounds crazy but I don't think I would do a Boudoir again. Like what someone said,"It would be a documentation of how your body sags if you do it yearly!"