Passing of a Childhood Friend

A couple of nights ago, as I was thinking about my life, a childhood friend came to mind. 'Childhood' perhaps isn't the most accurate word to describe that period of my life. I knew him when I was 15 or 16. That would be my growing-up years when I spent the bulk of my time in church, cell group, prayer meetings and church-related activities.

We had a very small cell group then which made up of only 1 cell group leader and 4 of us, 3 girls and 2 boys. The cell group leader was a 18-year-old boy while the rest of us were 15 to 17.

The friend in question was a very nice guy, bespectacled and sensitive, humorous and positive.

We spent a lot of time chatting and laughing together talking about our crushes in church and our aspirations.

Many years ago when I searched for him on Facebook, he looked like he was wearing a long wig and a bandana scarf, looking happy. 

When I searched for him again, a page titled 'In loving memory of K (my friend's name)' lay starkly below his Facebook name.

I clicked and it stated that he had passed away in 2018.

I couldn't believe it. He's only one year older than I. 'Cancer' came to mind.

I did my searches. Couldn't remember what I did - could be google, could be links from the different pages - but I finally found the link in a Taiwan paper which stated that a Singaporean primary school teacher who taught in a Taiwanese local school had plunged 15 floors to his death, December 2018.

I just googled again and found that the incident was also reported in our local paper. In case the link ever disappears, I attach the articles here as images:

For anyone (if there's anyone at all) who's reading, it states that a student displayed poor attitude resulting in K man-handling him, pulling his shirt, causing his neck to leave telling marks. The student's parents threatened to sue and the school would dismiss K.

The Taiwanese paper suspected that he could not take the double blow and committed suicide.

Before he jumped, he sent a message to his wife who was deep in slumber in the same house: 

老婆，我爱你一生一世。

(Meaning 'I love you forever')

I thought about him and how lonely he must have felt.

I thought about the time when I received a parental complaint and all attention was on me, a small fry teacher.

As much as it's commonly known that teachers invariably receive complaints from parents and parents are difficult, over-protective, particular or just plain fussy, it's actually very disturbing for a teacher to receive complaints especially at the school management or MOE level. My last boss told me nowadays parents just shoot emails directly to the Director of MOE.

For a long-time teacher who has always prided himself/herself in being a dedicated and committed teacher, a parental complaint like this is extremely traumatic.

I informed my close friend who was in the same cell group and was also close to K that K had passed away. She thought it a pity that a warm and nice person had passed.

She said if he had loved his wife so much, he should not have committed suicide.

I replied that when a person reaches that stage, he would not be thinking 'I love my family so I am going to carry on no matter how difficult it is'. Rather, it would be 'I am sorry. I love you all but I can't take this anymore'.

She said it's just a job. He could find another.

I said it's not so easy for a teacher.

Firstly, once you have a bad record in one school, that record follows you wherever you go. Your next potential principal will definitely give a call to your previous school to find out how you are as a teacher. In fact, teachers in Singapore has a file which follows them throughout their career. Whichever school they are posted to, the file will reach the school so that the principal could make reference to it. 

So once you have a bad record, there's no way you can teach in another school.

Secondly, if you are talking about a job-switch, after teaching for close to 20 years, and in your mid 40s, you are just about deskilled from other types of jobs by then. And the probability of getting hired in your 40s for a comparable wage is very low unless you are seeking management-level positions. For teachers who leave their job, they can't be applying at management level in other fields.

She said then just go into private tuition.

Yes, if you are ready to take a huge pay-cut and accept the unstable income.

These are also the reasons why many teachers feel trapped in their job. 

When I google further using K's Chinese name, I realised that he was an author for books on how to improve English for Taiwanese children. He also had videos on similar subjects.

To be honest, I couldn't tell it's him if I go by his accent. He's been acclimatised to and adopted Taiwanese accent.

My close friend confirmed that it's him. She said she remembered his powerful Mandarin which I didn't give so much credit to.

For the next few days, I continued to click on links in his related Facebook pages and web pages. He's buried in Taiwan where his wife is living while his mother set up a tablet for him in a temple in Singapore.

He was a Christian.

When Jesus is coming back so soon, it pains me that my friend who was so on fire for Him passed away without Him and is remembered as a non-believer.

I wondered what would have happened if I had initiated contact with him when I first searched for him on Facebook.

Perhaps nothing would have changed, but perhaps he would not have felt so lonely in his own experience after he listened to my story.

I am going through a very difficult time in my life right now. I am more than grateful for friends whom I have not seen in years or even decades to reach out to me via Facebook Messenger. I feel supported and it gives me ounces of strength to go on.

Perhaps we should send simple messages to friends whom we think are surrounded by fans. They may well be the people who need the support most.