Yearn for a break

It's been really 'eventful' these few days.

My father rained punches on William when William threatened to divorce me and started to make a call to the lawyer to make an appointment. My parents were indignant when he said I ought to pay for the utility bills. Before he could finished stating the kinda bills he thought I ought to pay for, my father dashed up to him and boxed him in the face!

Subsequently, my mother held onto William so that he couldn't ran away the same way he does every time there is a confrontation. But my father hit him repeatedly as William was held onto.

It was a horrible sight. I screamed and screamed and tried to restrain my father while trying to get my mother to release William at the same time. I was worried that William might retaliate and hit my father back.

He bled from the mouth.

It was really horrible. The whole saga.

Today, we quarrelled again over my teaching resources. I had left my teaching resources at his mother's place two years back as his mother's place was just opposite our school.

As a result, some resources were not found and I had asked him to go look for them again by this week. I need him to return my resources to me by this weekend so that I can start teaching immediately when school reopens.

He raised his voice and started to quarrel with me. I got angry and raised my voice too so that the whole world can hear our fight.

I even got violent and started hitting him in my frustration.

I feel that this marriage has turned me into a monster. It's not me to want to hit him. It's not me to announce to the whole world what we fought about. It's not me to wash dirty linen in public.

It's not me.

I can't help but feel that there doesn't seem to be any way out for this marriage.

I don't know if it's because we haven't put enough effort into making the marriage work, or is it me who haven't, or is it him who hasn't. We're fighting over every little thing. I'm sick and tired of these fights. I married him thinking he's a phlegmatic person. I was tired of the kind of life I led with my elder sister trying so hard to pick a fight with me every day over everything. Now I end up switching a partner to fight over trivialities with!

We are just 1.5 yrs into our marriage and we're constantly fighting. I'm embarrassed by the fights. I always hope that I don't run into any of the neighbours, or hope that they don't know that I am one of the people who was in the fights or quarrels.

I want a break from this marriage.