Great Expectations

I had been having some brown discharge.

It didn't occur to me that I could be pregnant because divorce has been on the card for weeks ever since CNY.

Yesterday, a colleague was telling me that the stress level of our job may cause a change in the ovulation pattern, and that I should get it checked out - to determine if it's pregnancy or infection. And if it's infection, I can seek treatment early.

I went to get a pregnancy kit that requires the shortest wait-time for the result to be revealed. I couldn't stand having to endure the torment of waiting for 5 mins.

And the kit indicated 2 lines, which meant I was pregnant.

I went to a gynae today. He confirmed that the foetus was 6 weeks old.

William and I quarrelled over the baby issue last night. I had thoughts about not keeping the baby, although I'm sure I'm not able to deal with taking a life. But the thought of using a baby to sustain the marriage shuddered me. And if I really abort the baby, I would be 'released' from the marriage.

William insisted, as usual, that we keep the baby. I was agitated and asked him,"What's the use of keeping the baby? Why do you need the baby?"

He got even more agitated,"What do you mean 'what's the use'? What can I do with a baby? How can a baby be useful to me? Why do I want to keep Coco? How do I need her? I want the baby because it belongs to us."

So that sort of decided on the keeping or not issue.

I haven't been able to eat well. I find alot of food very greasy and oily. Sometimes my stomach growls and I don't have the appetite.

Just tonight, we were at the coffeeshop downstairs. I asked for a bowl of minced meat noodles after thinking over what I wanted to eat. But the first bite into the noodles and I felt that it was too salty, which William agreed. And when William's food came, I saw the broccoli and cauliflowers, and I wanted to eat them instead. In the end, I had a bowl of plain porridge with the veggie.

I get the feeling that it's going to be a girl, because the symptoms are similar to what I went through when I had Coco.