Divorce continues to be on the cards

The longer I spend my time with him, the more I feel that I should leave him.

I feel that I don't have a lot of time left. I don't want to spend the rest of my life living such a wretched life, and listening to endless grumbles and complaints - about work, children and life itself. I think life is supposed to be good. I don't think it's supposed to be about complaints and complaints and complaints and sitting there till you die.

I'm very tired of this marriage. A parasite husband. A complaining husband. A useless husband. A husband who keeps asking money from you. A husband who runs home to complain that his wife doesn't help him. A gambler husband. A loser husband.

I want a divorce.

I know he'll make things difficult. I just know.

I'm getting sick of the Christianity ideologies about divorce. I don't want to care so much about it anymore, and get trapped to an irresponsible husband.

He said that his grandfather is willing to give him $50k to settle his debts. The question I had was: didn't you said it's $30k? But I didn't ask. In any case, he said his grandfather wanted me to go with him to see him, so that he could let me be informed of William's financial situation and possibly help him out or something.

The fact is, I knew of his 'financial situation' 1 year ago. But he's refused to let me manage his financial matters. The only thing he wants from me is my money. I'll reiterate here: I've given him $17k - all of my savings during my studying years - and was left with zero savings for myself or Coco. I had to ask my sisters if I should buy a $10 item. Life was so stressful that I was down with yeast infection for months. I never want to go back to that kinda life again. Not for a worthless worm like him.

I've never heard of a friend giving money to her husband. The only one lent $2000 to her husband, and stopped lending once he defaulted on the repayment. She'll make sure the $2000 is repaid by taking that amount out from the sales of the flat.

I think I've been one of the best and supportive wife around. And I don't think I deserve a jerk as a husband. I'm sick of feeling envious of other women. I really am. I don't want to think about ethics anymore. I hate myself for being so virtuous. At the end of it, what do I get?