A pregnant maid, Husband from hell

I was upset with William the past few days. Positively upset.

The house was in a mess - untidy, things all over the place, and dirty, food was rotting away in my mother's tupperware. I had asked him to throw away the food for days and every day he gave the same excuses,"Later, later ... tomorrow, later, tomorrow ..."

On Friday night, I came home all exhausted just to find a freaking cockroach running across the dining table as I switched the light on. It must have been attracted by the 'scent' of the rotting food. I picked up William's sandal and gave chase. I slapped it a few times before it finally tumbled and wriggled helplessly on its back on the kitchen floor. I placed the slipper on top of it and went away, totally disgusted by it all.

The next morning, we fought over housework issue, naturally.

When he left, I decided to clean up the house myself.

For four hours, I wiped (note: not 'mopped') the floor in the living room, kitchen and Coco's room. Intermittenly, I ran to the service balcony and alternate between sorting the dirty laundry, putting them batches by batches into the washing machine, and taking them out either to hang dry or dumping them into the dryer. Coco's room was a nightmare. Lots of lizard's droppings on the aircon piping. I had to pick them up one by one and clean them off. And her things! They were all over the floor, her table, her treasure chest, under her slide-bed ...

At the end of 4 hours, I was literally drenched in sweat. And a couple of hours later, I found myself having aching thighs because of the constant squatting and standing up for wiping of floor.

This morning was especially hard. Even sitting down and getting up from the toilet bowl was a challenge. The thighs feel like they are swollen and bruised.

I was very angry with William for being a husband from hell. When I was wiping the floor, I had to keep telling myself that this marriage is my punishment because I chose to marry him when he had behaved irrationally and childishly towards the end of our wedding preparations to make myself feel resigned and 'better' when doing the chores, and to prevent myself to keep breaking down halfway through the chores. I'm pregnant for goodness' sake! And my spotting has just stopped!

Whatever happened to all those nice-sounding beautiful promises of taking good care of me and Coco?!!! He comes back just to tell me how his beastly friend Jack boasts of how good his wife is who does housework religiously with a big tummy. Hey! I haven't even begun to tell you that there're wives out there who receive expensive gifts like dunno-how-many-carat diamond ring from their husbands after they give birth and they are looking forward to another pregnancy because of all the wonderful treatments and luxurious gifts they get! I'm not even expecting you to KNOW ANYTHING about pregnancy because you're just plain lazy and irresponsible. And that's why I never ever wanted to get pregnant! Have you ever even given a thought to why would your wife actually wanted to go for an abortion although you're married? Can you use your pea brain for once at all?

Up till now, my family and friends are still asking me to reconsider having this baby. What kind of a bastard does it take for the rest of the world to ask the wife to abort the baby over and over again? They are frightened for me. And I'm frightened for myself. Very.

It's sad that a pregnant woman hopes that she has a miscarriage. Really sad. She doesn't have the courage nor the heart to abort the baby, but she doesn't want to keep the baby knowing that the husband is a no-good bastard. What kind of advice do you give to such a woman?

I'm thinking of giving up the baby to him and getting a divorce. I really hate myself for not making the decision on a divorce soon enough. Now that there's a baby in the picture, it will be harder than ever.

I keep asking myself, and God: Is this the 'best' that you think I deserve for a husband? Do I really deserve a bastard for a husband? Or bastards for husbands? It's becoming clear to me that both of them are exactly the same. They are both irresponsible and lazy, but think that they are responsible just because they've fulfilled some legal obligations. And they are always ready with excuses for the things they don't do. And they cannot see themselves as a family with me or the child. They are both selfish and think of themselves first. They leave me to fend for myself in critical moments. I'd meant to find someone totally different from him, but I find myself back to square one with a photocopied version of him. It's checkmate for me.