A wish come true ... with a price to pay

I've been feeling extremely tired these few weeks.

I was even late for work three days in a row. Sometimes I woke up and sat by the edge of the bed and felt like not going to work, yet I knew I had to.

I am literally dragging my feet to work.

Some beginning comrades have asked how I managed to stay for so many years when they feel like throwing in the towel 6 months into the job.

I said it's the money. It pays the bills and supports my elder kid and me.

If not for the job and its pay, I don't know where we would be.

But recently, I feel that I am losing out on time spent with the kids.

They need my attention.

But I really don't have the time, or energy.

Like yesterday, I got home at 7pm. I had my quick dinner. Went through my elder kid's Chinese spelling with her, and by the time we reached Dictation, I was sprawled on the bed and was knocked out by 9.30pm, with Baby all naked beside me because she was pestering me to take her for a bath.

Yet I was late for work this morning. I dreamt that I was running late and woke up with a jolt! And true enough, I was late!

I am very tired.

Today, my First Boss shared that there was a position created for mothers who take no-pay leave. They could work on a relief basis, like I had hoped and enquired some months ago! I just felt as if it was a wish come true, and I wonder if this is God's way of telling me that there is a way out.

I won't get paid during the holidays. I will only get paid for the days that I work for. That will mean quite a few things: firstly, I won't get to go on trips naturally; secondly, finances will be tight.

But it also means a few good things: firstly, I won't be ranked during the appraisal; secondly, I won't need to be observed for my lesson; thirdly, I will have more time with my kids; fourthly, I will have time for my photography interest.

Sometimes I feel I am too old to let time pass me by.

Yet sometimes, it's precisely I'm too old that I wonder if I can afford to give up the stable pay.

Time for a decision again.