Blogging

After blogging for close to a year, I've come to realise that blogging is indeed very different from making entries into a personal diary.
For a diary, you can be highly honest (not completely though, still) with yourself. But for a blog, you are sometimes obliged to write in a certain manner that doesn't make you look TOO bad, in anticipation that someone else might be reading your blog and forming an opinion about you. I'm not sure what some celebrity bloggers are thinking about when they wrote some of the stuff they did. I'm not sure it's for the sake of sounding cool that they come across as being really candid in their entries ie. giving the handicaps a virtual dressing-down, slamming their critics and justifying their unconventional views and beliefs in undiplomatic ways while highlighting that it's purely their own personal choice.

There are always many reasons why I do something, well, almost always. I starting blogging because I think it's interesting to pen down thoughts and feelings. It allows me to reflect and helps me to think over things. It does not necessarily mean that I would come to a sensible decision, like the piano matter, but it does have some therapeutic effect. Some people call it 'escapism' though. Come to think of it, my pastimes are usually related to escapism from reality. I used to do tons of cross-stitches. James called that 'escapism'. I used to spend hours, easily eight or nine hours, in front of the radio listening to FM93.3 because the songs, like what Bel said, make you fantasise. As far as I'm concerned, the songs did bring me to another space. I liked to imagine that my boyfriend was as sentimental and emotional as those portrayed in the pops.

Back to reasons I blog. I like writing. Or rather, I like the art of languages. I used to write diaries in Chinese, but I've stopped for the longest time. It's hard not to write depressing stuff, and it reminds me of alot of unhappy memories. English is quite a different language from Chinese. It's not so emotionally loaded. For Chinese, one character is already loaded with meaning/s. Even the look of a character means so much. Pardon my biasness but it's definitely a far more interesting language than English.

I like to record thoughts and feelings about events that take place, people I meet, fears I experience. But for this blog, I've taken the effort to not taint it with really nasty, and I mean, REALLY nasty, people. There are some memories you would rather do without.

I like to go back and see how I've felt for certain things that had taken place. Ever since my ex, I've trained myself to be forgetful. It doesn't pay to have too good a memory. But the price that comes with it is a short-term memory. I find myself forgetting stuff that I would like to remember well too. I'm not sure if this is our clever body system at work - that in my subconsciousness, I do not want to remember certain things and I don't know that, like how good William used to be to me. I've learnt from very painful lessons that you shouldn't cling onto good memories too much because people really do change. What you remember of him is often not what he is now.

It's so silly that oftentimes I try to 'conclude' my entries - too much of GP. I often have to remind myself that this is an informal blog and that I don't have to be so serious and be so hard on myself to do a conclusion so that the entry ties up nicely. I think blogging is really interesting and quite fun. There are lots of things to learn, unlearn and relearn. I can take my time to explore them all and not to worry that someone else might find me too slow or too stupid.