What ruins a marriage?

He shouted at me at 1.30am to stop chatting, else he would divorce me.

Sad to say, I'm used to his screaming and shouting in the middle of the night. My reaction was stoic.

He says that chatting ruins a marriage. And I do agree that it does.

I go into a chatroom because I feel that our marriage is beyond hope. It's not as if I've never tried to talk to him about clearing his debts and giving up soccer betting. It's not as if I didn't help him, concretely. But he doesn't want to talk about them. I do not believe that a marriage has lies in it. I do not believe that a marriage consists of secrets. I do not believe that spouses should hide things - anything - from each other. Apparently, he has different convictions about a marriage. I don't work this way. If I can't talk about something with my partner, I feel that I can't talk about pertinent things with him either. And I hate this feeling. It's a feeling of mistrust. This is not my belief of what a marriage is.

I don't know if this is the same as giving up on the marriage. I don't know what else there is for us to talk about if we can't talk about pertinent issues in a marriage. I thought that when two persons decide to come together and be with each other for the rest of their lives, transparency is a natural call. I don't believe in I-hide-some-things-from-you-and-you-hide-some-things-from-me kind of marriage. I can't. I despise, abhor this kinda marriage. I hate to keep secrets, given that I'm a painfully honest person. I find keeping secrets a pain. Perhaps one of the reasons I started a blog is so that I have an avenue to release my secret thoughts. Who else can I talk to about my marriage? Everyone else asks me to divorce or suggests that I find a way out for myself. I know too well what they would say to me, and I don't need more advice. I just want someone who is truthful to me, and I to him. I don't know why it is so difficult for William. Why did he marry me then? So that he can have sex every day? A marriage is more than sex. Is it too difficult to understand this? A marriage is more than marrying a woman who acts as your mother by day and whom you fuck by night. You promised to take care of me when you married me. Are all those promises a pack of lies?

He said he would divorce me if I continue to chat. I am waiting.