Death Exonerates

My friend's mother passed away yesterday.

She died quite a painful death, and had led quite a painful life.

She brought up her three daughters all on her own by working 2 or 3 jobs a day and sleeping for 4 hours every day.

Her useless husband left her to fend for herself and the kids.

My friend had to start earning her own pocket money and school fees when she was in Poly.

When she first told me that, I stupidly wondered why she had to do that. The poverty fact hadn't sunk into me yet then. Compared to her, I was like a frail plant in the nursery.

When the daughters are all grown up, and well-educated, ready to make a living, the useless husband-cum-father returned to ask for money from the children.

She finally divorced him in her fifties, just a year plus ago. Sold the flat to split the money (when that bastard hadn't contributed a cent). All ready to start life anew in the new flat.

Then she went into a coma. Diagnosis: breast cancer cells spread to the brain.

Brain had a tumour that needed to be removed, but could not be removed 100%. The doc removed 80% of it, and said that she had haemorrhage. Brain damaged.

From then on, she lie in bed all day, could only make audible but senseless sounds. My friend felt that her future was bleak and grim and was depressed that she had a mother she had to tend to for at least 8 hours a day, to clean the private parts, bathe her and change her diapers.

They spent $100, 000 on her first hospitalisation.

The second time she went into a coma was half a year later.

She couldn't breathe on her own anymore. They had to get an oxygen concentrator for her.

The moment my friend went to the reception, she was $5000 poorer.

She looked relieved and happy when I met her at the wake.

I understand. Chinese have a saying,'久病床前无孝子' ('there is no filial son when you are sickly for too long a time'). My favourite authoress mentioned that the love for the parent would have been thoroughly drained during the time when the child looked after the parent.

There was only resentment.

She wished to go shopping and be around town almost immediately.

I understand. Some people may feel that she is unfilial, but I can sympathise with how she feels.

Her mother's death has exonerated herself and her daughters.

Rest in peace, Aunty.