But recently, I found a good book at the recommendation of a fellow October mummy:
The author is a veteran educator and has a daughter whom she named 圆圆 in the book.
I have been reading the book, not because I want to groom Coco or Baby into another 圆圆, but I think most, if not all, of her values are in line with mine, but worded more vividly, more accurately and more consistently practised.
Parenting is a learning journey. As a mother, I find myself struggling with many sets of dilemma, inconsistencies and the like. Sometimes I feel that certain things ought to be done in certain ways, but I have no concrete reasons or logic to support what I believe in or what I do. This book gives a very good structure to many of my beliefs as a mother.
Eg 1: I always thought that a child should always be with her mother, no matter how busy I am. I don't think that leaving the child with his grandmother or caregiver for a few days in a week is the right thing to do. But the trend in this society today is such that it is a norm to do just that. The author writes about the innerworld of the child ie. how the child feels and the effect such an arrangement has on the child and his development. She gives examples of children who are raised under such arrangements and how they cause the child to behave in certain manner.
Eg 2: Although Coco reads obsessively, I didn't think it was a big issue until William and my family members start to be critical of her reading habit - she abandons her schoolwork, sleep and food just to read. Likewise, I felt that reading has become a bad habit and wanted to stop her from reading further. I wanted her to read just textbooks, and study just textbooks. It sounds crazy, but you would understand if you were a mother.
The author feels that it is alright for children to underachieve a bit in primary schools, but the wide and vast reading will reap its benefits in the long run, for the child's rest of his life. And that as long as a child loves to read, he won't have any problems in writing compositions. 读破万卷书，下笔如有神。
The book is like a wake-up call ie. 当头棒喝. This was how I developed a love for writing (in Chinese), yet I was trying to stifle my own child from developing herself in the literacy area in a different language. And I am constantly grumbling that she isn't as competent a writer as I had hoped after all the books she had greedily devoured. Isn't that the greatest irony ever?
Eg 3: I once showed a colleague the video of a fellow October mummy who got her 18-month-old toddler to read. Instead of being amazed, the colleague expressed slight disgust at the attempts. She declared,"I don't believe in making your children read when they are so young! They should enjoy their childhood. Reading can wait!"
I was shocked at her proclamation. I always thought being able to read is the greatest gift ever and reading is always a pleasure, except for exam purposes. I reckoned that my colleague probably doesn't like reading herself.
The author said the same thing: that parents who feel that reading robs children of their childhood are the same parents who find reading a chore.
There are many other examples which are similar in that: I have the same beliefs, but do not have the author's amount of conviction to practise them consistently, and fully.
I think this book is one of the greatest parenting books ever.
The author has a blog. One of these days, I ought to write to her to thank her for sharing her gathered wisdom in this fine book of hers.
Of course, she is just a human being. Her views are not all perfect. There is at least one occasion I do not agree with her, like the chapter in which she talks about washing the feet of mothers.
Her child came home with the assignment of 'Washing my mother's feet'. She was required to wash the mother's feet and pen her feelings about the process, possibly to reflect about what the mother has done for her and express gratitude to her mother. This gesture is probably taken from the Bible in which Jesus washed the feet of his disciples as an expression of humility and love.
Apparently, the author is not a Christian and does not understand the implications of washing one's feet. She criticised the assignment as not meaningful and even modified the assignment by asking the child to take a stroll with her instead and from there, write about the stroll. She reduced the washing of feet to a mere chore and questioned the need to wash mothers' feet if they are not blue-collar workers whose work involves a lot of walking.
Despite her ignorance about Christianity, she makes a great mother and educator, from the look of the book. I feel that her values are mostly correct and her instructions to impart the values are actually easy to follow, unless you yourself find it difficult to restrain yourself from doing the wrong things eg. watching TV obsessively but asking children not to watch TV.
Every family ought to have this book. It is not merely a good read. It educates parents as well.
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