While we celebrate ...

The wait is finally over. Coco got 252 for her T-score.

William had asked Coco to let him look at her result first, even before she did. So she took her result slip, walked out of the classroom and obediently handed it to William.

William opened it carefully. With a frown and a hint of smile, he closed it, and opened it again before he gave it to us.

When I saw the score '252', the only word I could utter was Coco's name. Almost immediately, tears welled up in my eyes - for all the time and effort we had put in, for all the expectations and dreams we had for her, for all the frustrations, fears and stress that we had gone through, for all the months of salary that I had given up, for all the sleepless nights and nightmares that I had for the past one year. I cried. And cried. I didn't care if other parents saw me cry. My hands holding the result slip went numb. For the first time, I understood why Miss Universe always cry when they win the title. For the first time, I understood what people mean when they say 'it feels so surreal'.

Gratitudes overwhelmed me.

I don't care what the rest of the world get. Coco's class average T-score is 250. Her school has more than 30 students who got 270 and above. I only needed her to get 248 + Merit for Higher Chinese. And she got 252 + Merit.

I am grateful.

I am grateful to my principal who granted me no-pay leave at very short notice because I was stressed out by the guilt of not being there for Coco when she needed me most.

I am grateful to the mothers on kiasuparents who had generously shared their strategies for various subjects, especially the one on composition-writing. For all the years of teacher that I was, I could not break composition-writing down as well as she did. And she is not a teacher!

I am grateful to Coco's teachers who continuously set high standards for the children and paved the way for the children to achieve such results. Who says that brand-name schools are only about 'brands'? Who says that top schools push all the teachings to the tuition centres and private tutors? I can see for myself that the teachers had worked very hard at leveraging on the children's ability. They churned out worksheets tailored to the children's ability. The worksheets given were of good quality. The sample compositions given were almost-full-marks quality to show how the children should write at PSLE.

The teachers communicated honestly their feedback with the parents. When the Science teacher saw that Coco was consistently in the B range for Science, he told me that he was 'very worried' for her and that the school expected at least an A from her class. The English teacher told Coco that she was a 'potential A-star' pupil for English, making no promises that she definitely would be. The Chinese teacher said that Coco could get an A-star for Chinese if she continued to put in effort and improved along the way. The only teacher I did not get enough feedback from was her Maths teacher but I knew that Coco was a borderline-A for Maths.

I am grateful that William had put in alot of time and effort to coach Coco for Maths and Science. He probably worked harder than I did because he taught her the subjects consistently for ten months every Saturday and Sunday. He even found a studious girl to study together with her so that Coco could be motivated by a more hardworking girl.

Above all, I am grateful that prayer really changes things. We prayed alot over Coco's PSLE. Before she went for the exams, I prayed for peace of mind, intelligence and ability to remember whatever she had learnt or memorised. During the exams, I prayed at home that she could finish her papers and could recall what she had learnt and apply them accordingly. After the exams, I prayed that she would get lenient or enlightened markers who could see things her way. Even before the release of the results, I prayed and fasted for them. I still believed that God is a God of miracles even if the results had been printed.

We had not been faithful in going to church. In fact, we skipped church for almost the whole year because Coco had her tuition with William on Sundays. But God is faithful even when we are faithless.


Coco's PSLE results mean alot to us.

1) We are teachers by training. Even though both of us did not verbalise it, we know within ourselves that we need recognition that our teaching works, and her results are a reflection of our teaching.

She didn't receive Chinese tuition at all. Although I had always been a distinction student for Chinese, I was not sure if the way I taught her could work. So if she had done badly or even get an A for Chinese, I would have doubts with my own Chinese standard. By getting an A* for it, she affirms me that I did the right thing with her.

Although she goes for English enrichment, it hadn't really had an evident impact on her English result since P4. Her composition writing was still languishing in the 20s. With the enrichment centre's resources and the kiasuparents forum's mother's formula of teaching writing, I managed to get her to write in the way her teacher wanted and she was just reaching 30 or 31 out of 40, but I was hoping that it would be sufficient to hit at least a mid-30 at PSLE, and I guess it did, to bag her an A* for English as well.

The only tuition she received for Maths and Science was from William. It meant alot to William that she did well in them. He would receive sneers and jeers if Coco had got a B for either of them. I am sure he was hoping for an A* for the subjects but we are just glad that whatever her grades, her score was a good one.

2) We have invested alot of time, effort and money on Coco's PSLE.

I have taken no-pay leave and given up my pay and bonuses for her PSLE. William could have used the time he coached Coco to have a few more classes and earned more money. For this PSLE, we have sacrificed tangibly and intangibly.

We would have been sorely disappointed if she did not do well enough to get into a good girls' school.

We may say that how others look at us does not matter, but we did have this fear that we would be laughed at - by colleagues who might think that my no-pay leave had not been worth it, by my parents and sisters who had advised me not to take no-pay leave as a student's attitude is the determining factor in her studies, by friends and people we know who said that travelling so far to a brand-name school is silly and in vain. And we know that the laughing-at would last for a long time.


For all the vile effects and impacts I have listed, there are many parents out there experiencing them because their child did not do well.

PSLE is such a high-stake exam. Not just for the next milestone in a child's academic journey, but the comments and the looks that others give you which probably mean more.

It breaks my heart to see a crushed child being half-carried away by his brow-knitted father out of the school quickly upon receiving the results. The father was protecting his child from the happy crowd which was celebrating their children's good results, literally, emotionally, spritually. I was too selfish and wicked to show my emotions when I saw Coco's score.

The mothers on kiasuparents forum shared how crushed they felt when their children did not do well. They cried in their own room while their children cried in theirs. They doubt themselves, doubt their methods of training their children for PSLE. They have to think up alternative schools for their children. They think about how to appeal to their school of choice.

It's not easy. PSLE is so high-stake that, I dare say, every parent who is academically-aware treats it as a be-all-and-end-all, no matter what the Prime Minister says on his facebook.

Just like what William told Coco the night before the results were released,"It's not the end of the world if you don't do well. Study hard when you get into secondary school."

Coco asked,"Then why did you tell me it's the end of the world if I don't do well (before PSLE)?"

They are only twelve.

We know and we know that this is 'only' one exam in their life, but the system has made it such that this 'one exam' is an all-important one, such that it either paves the way for your future or makes the course ahead more challenging.

If I never had a child, I certainly would factor PSLE in as a consideration before I get pregnant. Up till now, I deem it as the most stressful thing in parenting.