Cheapskate Man. Cheapskate Marriage.

My sisters have been checking with me if I have received the free 10-pack ART (antigen rapid test) kit given out by the MOH (Ministry of Health).

I said I have been checking the mailbox but didn't get it.

I paid $44 for a 5-pack ART kit from Guardian Pharmacy and used a free one from my sister's household.

However, I realised my $44 5-pack ART kit is missing from my bag after I brought it home.

These incidents occur to me how cheapskate a 'man' can be when everything to him in life is measured by monetary worth. 

Even during my last mediation, part of me was still thinking of him not having enough housing fund. He thought I was giving in to his threat and lies. I know I ought to be ruthless like him. He has zero ounce of kinship in him and is just thinking of how to milk the most out of me.

I just want to get away from him ASAP, even at the cost of $70, 000 or more.

I will earn that back in time.

I take it as a costly lesson, literally, to have made the wrong choice, to have believed his lies to marry him.

These costs are nothing compared to the lives of my daughters that he has destroyed.

I had two students whose parents were divorced. The father is footing the bills of the boys. The mother updated the father on their enrichment and tuition classes and the father paid everything.

The mother was living in a condo unit just 15 minutes' walk away from the father's in a prime area and she drove a Mercedes.

I wouldn't have a doubt that the man paid his ex-wife some form of alimony.

Because there was love.

It was probably that past marriage that made me rethink about my own marriage.

If a relationship could still be so cordial and the ex-husband was so responsible towards the woman and her kids, and yet it ended up in divorce, then what am I waiting for? William was not even cordial and responsible in a marriage. Deep within my heart, I knew he didn't love me.

I just didn't expect that he NEVER loved me.

Before marriage, I made it clear to him that I was a single mother. The next man would have to be a Christian and loved my kid as his own.

Oh how he demonstrated that he was the right man then!

He attended church with me, went through water baptism, said his vow at the altar and moved everybody with his speech.

But the second day after marriage, I noticed a change in him.

He was highly communicative before marriage, highly sensitive to my needs and eager to please.

After marriage, he stopped talking. He said I shouldn't expect him to be the same before and after marriage.

Then the money-borrowing episodes started happening.

Then he started stealing from me and the kid/s.

Within half a year, I knew he was a different man. In fact, we quarrelled within 3 days of our marriage but he stopped me from going back to my parents' place, saying it's wrong to do that.

If you think women are entitled to any alimony in Singapore, let me tell you that women do not receive any alimony from men in Singapore. The only women who get alimony from their ex-spouse are those whose ex-husbands have a conscience even if all love is lost.

Yes, very few husbands fight over the care and control for the child. The only ones who fight are those who are trying to use the kids as chips to bargain for a bigger share of the flat (let's just say that no man who's able to afford a condo would do that lah).

Very few husbands would ask the wife to pay for child maintenance.

He tells the lawyer and judge that he has no legal responsibilities towards Coco, the child he promised to love as his own, since he never legally adopted her. Oh, so you had tricked me for 16 years.

Many years ago, I suspected that my marriage was a sham.

16 years on, he's telling me it is.

Ladies, learn from my lesson:

Do not marry a man who asks you to pay for a thing for your wedding.

Do not marry a man who lies to you for the slightest thing even if it seems innocuous or you think it's probably different upbringing or culture.

At the first lie, run.

If a man keeps badgering you not to break up with him, all the more you should. Please do not make the same mistake as me thinking that it's out of love that he can't let you go and he truly loves you. The fact that you want to leave him and he does not allow you to is the first sign of being disrespectful to your wish. And this lack of respect will only grow exponentially after marriage.

Have high expectations for your future husband. Very very high. Don't marry so that you won't be left on the shelf. Don't marry so that you won't be alone.

Because when you are in such a marriage, you would wish you were alone - from the start.