To do or not to do ...

Recently, I've been having thoughts about going for a Master.

It all started when Joyce, my friend-cum-colleague, asked me if I was interested to go to a Master degree briefing at NIE. She told me that the Master was obtainable via coursework alone. I was keen because I prefer doing coursework than research. However, I was daunted by the timeframe: 3 years. By the time I get my Master, Coco would have been in Pri 5. I would have missed out on most of her primary school life.

I went to NIE website and realised that there are two other routes to obtain a Master: evening scheme and research based. I was intrigued with the research based one because the timeframe could be as short as 1 year, which is highly enticing (but I later learnt from Amjad that it's very tight for research). However, I'm very worried about the presentation seminar and the need to pass a confirmation test. On top of all these, I'm not a research person. But I thought this programme is more 'exclusive' because the entry requirement is quite stringent - applicants need to have at least a Second Class Upper for the basic degree.

I'm not sure what I should do. Personally, I've always done badly in school until my NIE days. I really would like to see how far I can go if I aim high. It's not for the qualifications. It's more for personal achievements and accomplishments. Since young, my family had always labelled me as 'stupid'. It has adverse effects on me. It was my personal belief that I was stupid and unteachable. I never dared to aim high for fear that if I worked hard and yet failed, I would really be a living proof that I'm stupid. Until now, I do believe that I'm never clever, but I do work hard.

Now that I'm given opportunities to study, I cherish them more than the average person. I would like to see how far I can go despite my stupidity. But I've Coco to think about. I'll be short-tempered and unavailable most of the time if I go for the programme. William will definitely not be supportive. He doesn't like his wife to hold higher qualifications. Ridiculous as it may sound, he's worried that I may look down on him next time.

I suppose whatever my decision is, my priority needs to be Coco. She's a gift I brought to this world. I can't sacrifice her for my want or need.