I had a friend whom I befriended when I became a parent volunteer.
She seemed like a nice and empathetic person.
She would invite me to be a parent volunteer for various events.
She was also on good terms with other parent volunteers. She would text me pictures of her attending gatherings with the rich tai-tais.
Her children were obedient and outstanding. She would tell me how thrifty and hardworking her daughter was and how promising her son was, and how her son's girlfriend was equally or more promising.
I put my guard down when she often talked about God.
I started confiding in her. At first, she listened and was empathetic.
Then she started to change.
She would put me down and say that she was saying all the awful things because she cared for me. The typical "If I don't care about you, I wouldn't have bothered saying all these" line.
Almost everything I said was 'wrong'. She literally said, "You are wrong." in our conversation every time we spoke. She would call me and find out what I was up to and used the opportunities to tell me how bad I was doing or what I was doing wrong.
About Covid vaccination
During the Covid period, she supported Iris Koh's anti-vaccine movement. She would bombard me with links, articles. images and videos of how harmful the Covid vaccines were and how they were steps to getting the digital identification implanted in us.
Although I had my own reservations about the vaccination, part of me was influenced by her anti-vaccination ideas, thinking that she and her family also did not take any vaccination.
Over time, I suspected that she had received her vaccination. I asked her a few times but she was evasive. She ignored my question each time I asked if she had gone for the jab. Eventually, when it was made known that all school-going children had to take the jab, I asked her which vaccine did her child take. She said that she and her child took the Non-MRN vaccine.
So much for being anti-vaccine.
About my motherhood
She often criticised me for 'preferring to work'.
She would praise herself for being willing to sacrifice and be a stay-home mother to her children. The result was children who loved her and were obedient to her.
I tried to let her know that it is a privilege to be a stay-home mother and not every woman is so lucky to have a supportive husband who is able to bring home enough bacon for the family.
But no. She insisted that it was a lifestyle choice and I wanted to have a better lifestyle.
I would tell her that she was lucky to be able to be a housewife only because she met a good man who had a normal idea of a family.
She was not convinced. She tried to tell me that her husband was not perfect either but she was very good at managing the household, that's why her marriage was such a blissful one.
About my income
She had always tried to find out how much I was earning.
Knowing her intention, I did not let her know.
She would assume that I was struggling and keep telling me I should earn more.
She kept saying that her friend who had returned to be an FAJT (Flexi-Adjunct Teacher) was earning $7000. If you are able to catch her drift, she was basically saying that I was earning a lot less than that amount.
After a few consecutive days that she said that, to shut her up, I told her that $7000 was actually not a lot, meaning "I earn more than that, ok!"
She really shut up about my income from then on.
About my job
After the episode about my income, she criticised that I was in my job for the money and not passion.
But soon after, her son who was still an undergrad was offered an assistant-lecturer job. She was raving over how well-paid he was 'just by sitting there'.
I was sarcastic, "Then your son is not in the job for the passion. He's only in it for the money."
Funnily enough, she did not see the elephant in the room. She did not think that it was a problem.
About my ex-husband
To suggest that I was not a fantastic person, she mentioned that 'many people think that he is a good father'.
Well, by 'a good father', she meant that he was seen picking Baby up after school.
Remembering what Pastor Prince said (When people say 'many people'/'everybody', they mean they themselves, their wife and their dog!), I called her bluff, "I know J was the one who said that because she often talked to him when she met him while waiting to pick up her daughter."
True enough,. That shut her up.
So basically, her 'many people' referred to herself and one other person.
About my disobedience
She was constantly telling me that she had a relationship with God, and that she was so blessed because she was obedient and did God's will. She told me one day God would question me why I never listen to Him when he had sent her to send His messages.
About my flat
During my renovation, she would criticise everything I bought or did.
In fact, she criticised the flat I bought. She said that she already bought the same kind of flat when she first got married. In case I did not believe her, she showed me a picture of her children in the flat.
Then she said how unsuitable the flat was for me and my mother.
About Coco
Of course. Everybody has an opinion about how lousy a mother I am to Coco. How could she miss that?
One moment, she criticised how permissive I was in Coco's upbringing; another moment, she criticised how controlling I was of Coco, resulting in how Coco had turned out.
Of course, she did not forget to juxtapose her daughter of the same age, but incredibly amazing, with Coco.
About the ID
When I had doubts about the ID I was deliberating over, she dismissed my worries and told me that I was being paranoid and overly suspicious. "He is just trying to do your business" "He is not a scammer". When things turned out to be what I had suspected ie. the ID being a scammer, she immediately changed her tune, "I told you to stop hiring him already."
When I reminded her that she was the one who asked me to hire him, she retorted ludicrously, "Now you are blaming me?"
About my renovation
When I said that I was going to install various smart or electrical devices, she warned me that my electrical bill was going to be "very high". I became worried, so I went online to ask fellow homeowners if that was true.
One of the homeowners commented, "I think your friend is jealous of you."
That jolted me into thinking why she had been saying all the awful things and finding every opportunity to belittle me.
About my problems
When I told her I broke down due to the renovation, she actually said, "You are a mess." and "You are too weak."
I decided that this person could not be the friend that she claimed she was. A friend does not hit you down when you are down. I also felt that she could not be of God. God is love. This person pretended to love but turned it into a sword to assassinate you when you were not looking.
I started to put up my guard and I was ready to block her on my phone.
I also started to retort her. I would also use "You are wrong" to let her have a taste of her own medicine.
But I got tired of being nasty. I decided to block her.
As I am typing this, I realised that the words to describe her was 'a hypocrite'.
I am glad I shut her out of my life.
