Infuriating, Women-Objectifying NUS Sexualised Games

The New Paper ran an article about NUS students running camps with atrociously 'sexualised games' yesterday.

 

Incidentally, quite recently, Coco shared with me about how the boys in some of her social WhatsApp chat groups post pictures of their private parts on the chat.

I was outraged, naturally, "It's wrong! You should leave the chat group."

Unfortunately, Coco refused. She claimed that anyone who leaves the chat groups would be ostracised and she did not want to be left with no friends or social circles.

She went further than that,"Mum, my friends and I think there's nothing wrong with being prostitutes."

When I put up a feeble defense along the line of "Prostitution is wrong", she dismissed it with "Mum, that's YOUR generation. This is the way MY generation thinks now".

To me, "prostitution is wrong" is something that is as clear as day. I am not someone who is brilliant at laying out line-by-line arguments or even specific, logical arguments. I just know that something is not right without knowing how to defend my position. It's like "It's wrong to lie/gamble/steal/kill." I know they are wrong but I don't think of eloquent ways to word why they are wrong. Wrong means wrong lah! I find it even ridiculous I need to justify why they are wrong. But my inability to justify why prostitution is wrong was a stumbling block at that moment.

For all he's worth, William stepped into the living room to hear our debate on whether prostitution is right. He told Coco a story about how a friend who often flies overseas for work and some female fresh graduates who work for the company would offer to go overseas with him. He always turns them down (whether it's true, I do not know) as his stand is such that "if you can sell your own body, what else can't you sell?" He thinks such girls may even sell company secrets to their rivals.

That did conclude the topic for the night but I doubt the pursed-lips teenager was fully convinced.

William was also agitated when he heard that trying to leave the obnoxious WhatsApp chat groups could lead to Coco being put out of school. He shouted,"Which friend is that? I'll make sure he's expelled from school!" Coco ran back to her room!

Looks like peer pressure to be in social circles is very real among teenagers still. Some things never change, whether it's YOUR generation or MY generation.

Back to the NUS's disgusting camps, what I find even more infuriating is those creeps' idiotic self-righteous 'confessions' on NUS Whispers Facebook page:

 

The cheek of them to call those who dare to stand up for their beliefs and values 'brats'!

I totally agree with comments that stated those who organised the sexualised camps must be porn addicts who see nothing wrong or perverted with playing these 'games'. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. I am sure such perverted ideas do not bore out of nowhere. I shudder to think what the seniors who planned and organised these demeaning 'games' have been surfing, watching, looking at or doing to even think that these are simply 'games'. Very warped values they have!

 

 

I also agree that these confessors need to grow up and get their moral values right. These self-righteous pricks are bullies without a brain. It's scary that for all the knowledge they have in their pea brain, they know nuts about something as basic as invisible peer pressure. Don't they study General Paper these days? 

I am shocked the undergraduates who posted the above are unable to spare a thought for others, especially those who were coerced to join in under duress ("A group of us girls wanted to leave, but the orientation group leader stopped us and told us to finish playing the game."). The fault does not lie with the villain. The victim is to be blamed for not standing up to the villain. I am almost convinced the General Paper is not taught in the way I was. 

And there are those who actually have the cheek to say that such nonsense is a 'tradition' in the campus:

 

 

*face-palmed*

This kind of tradition, you can do without, kids! And self-righteous pricks calling others self-righteous, wow!

I think someone needs to tell this sex-deprived joker that adulthood is not all about sex:

"Such camps are meant for you to grow up". News flash: Your seniors all grew up a lot better than you without such camps, dude! 

The more I read the confessions on NUS Whispers, the more disheartened I am about our undergraduates today. It used to be that undergraduates were the smart learners, eloquent speakers and know their values right too. What has manifested from the camp activities is the lack of moral values in our youths today. They also come across as being crass, vulgar and childish. What I read totally inverted my impression of an NUS undergraduate. A VAST difference from the undergraduates of yesteryear. 

Another shocker is the institute where the 'games' are 'played': NUS (yes, I read the caption under the push-up picture that it's from SIM, but the paper was running a report on NUS no less).

The staff are actually aware of these lewd activities being run in the school compound for the last ten years and nothing has been done about it! Doesn't that mean the university consent to or approve of the activities? Does it mean that NUS share the same backward thinking as the the seniors who came up with the sickening activities that objectify girls? Is Singapore still a third-world nation in terms of its gender treatment or mentality since students at the higher education institution behave like animals? Shocking!

Above all, must social media be activated before something is done? Is there something wrong with our society? Do we do the right thing only when there's a big hoo-haa?

The New Scoring System

The new PSLE scoring system is on the tongue of just about every parent whether his or her children are going to be affected by it.

As an individual, I welcome the changes although I do not think the system is perfect:

- I do think that AL 6 is too big a band for marks ranging from 45 to 64.

- I prefer the current system's placement of school choice in which you don't have to worry too much about the order of the schools as long as they are somewhat realistic.

- I think raw scores can be used as an intervention tool where there is a tie. Balloting has too much uncertainties and gives people unnecessary stress no matter how small the percentage of students need to go through balloting. Balloting should end at P1 registration!

I have always felt that the T-score system contributes to the rise of elitism and the creation of elite schools. The more refined a system is, the more it sharpens the elitist elements in the system.

The T-score system tosses out the average children and tells them they don't matter. In fact, a teacher-friend shared that she wanted to emigrate because our education system is extremely unforgiving to the average children, and her own children are "average children in an average neighbourhood school".

My gut feel about the new system is it is more inclusive to a wider circle of children.

I did a quick search on the Internet and it seems to suggest that the T-score system was first introduced in the 1980s, but as far as I remember, the PSLE scores during my era in the late 1980s were never called 'T-scores'. They were formally known as 'aggregate scores' and everybody called them "the PSLE scores", and no one ever said that our scores were benchmarked against the whole cohort's performance. However, with the introduction of T-scores, schools started to educate parents about how it is computated, and how the average marks and standard deviation have a bearing on their children's T-score.

I like to think that during my time, our aggregate scores were the raw scores rather than T-scores.

I don't remember parents being so crazy about getting their children to squeeze into the Big Four: Raffles Institution, Hwa Chong Institute, Raffles Girls' Secondary and Nanyang Girls High. Rather, there was a good spread of top students going to a variety of top schools such as River Valley, Anglican High, Victoria Secondary, Dunman High, Catholic High, St Nicholas Girls', Cedar Girls', Methodist Girls' etc. I don't remember people drawing the line so thinly between the top schools ie. "These few are the Tier 1 schools. Those are the Tier 2, Tier 3 schools. And this one is just a 'good' school." What I remember was people saying "This is a good school. That is also a good school."

I hope by having a good spread of top scorers among the good schools, we will stop mentally rank and group the schools in such an unhealthy manner.

With the refining of T-score system down to the last digit for the sake of ranking the first children to the last 50, 000th, competition started to stiffen, to the point where every single mark matters.

I detest this horribly competitive culture. I heard about all sorts of things the children did to their friends to gain an edge over them. The lies they told, the stories they made up,  the bad luck they wished upon their friends, the 'prophecy' they spoke over their friend's composition marks ... and there are probably others that I don't know.

I feel that our education system has reached a sad state where children become vicious or vindictive at such a young age for the sake of a score.

It is good to be competitive trying to outdo your opponent by sharpening your skills but it's a different story when you stab someone to cripple him so that you could do better.

To me, T-scores serve the pick-out-the-elite system well. You easily identify the top students by their 3-digits on a piece of paper and you send them all to the Big Four to further sieve the diamonds from the shuff. However, the new system allows many top students to be distributed to the different top schools and nobody will be none the wiser who exactly is the real 'top'.

Under the new system, I honestly do not think that there will be that many AL 4-pointers that can't squeeze into the Big Four. In fact, I think the Big Four would have some 5-, 6- and 7-pointers as well. Even under the T-score system, how many 4A* scorers do we have? And A* may not necessarily be 90 marks and above. 

And why should all 4-pointers go to the Big Four? The way I see it, we should have many 4- to 8-pointers and the scores are not too far apart from one another actually, and since not all top scorers could get into these coveted schools, many such scorers would be distributed to the good schools elsewhere. These top scorers would give the good schools in different parts of Singapore a better distribution of talents, like what we used to have, rather than crowding themselves in only certain areas like now.

Being someone who has worked with children from disadvantaged backgrounds, my heart aches for these forsaken and forgotten children. Not only are they let down by their parents, they are also abandoned by our education system which is more interested in finding geniuses or top brains.

My heart often pains for the average students in neighbourhood schools who have not heard of RI and Hwa Chong, whose dream schools are average schools in their poor neighbourhoods. I rarely criticise something as 'unfair' but there are many times in my heart that I believe the T-score system is unfair to the students in neighbourhood schools.

The new scoring system is not fantastic for those bordering on the 'brilliant' category but it should help bridge the gap between the above-average and average students. I believe under the new scoring system, the divide between these two groups of students would not be as glaring as the cold, hard three-digit T-scores.

That said, it will not be a perfect system or even a fairer system. But I hope it is a better system.

Putting in the 6 Choices for Secondary School Selection

Every year after PSLE, parents would be seeking advice on how to put in their 6 choices on their Secondary School Selection Form.

At first, I was perplexed.

Coco's primary school principal was very detailed in informing the parents how they could fill in the 6 choices on the day PSLE results were released. I had assumed that what she did was the directive given by MOE, until my own boss did her talk with the students' parents.

So, I will share what Coco's principal had shared with the parents two years ago, with what's left in my memory.

Example: Child's T-score is 240

1st and 2nd choices: Child's dream schools eg. Raffles Institution (259) and Hwa Chong Institution (256)

3rd and 4th choices: Schools with slightly higher cut-off points eg. Nan Chiau High School (242) and Chung Cheng High School (Main) (241)

5th and 6th choices: School that Child meets cut-off points eg. Swiss Cottage Secondary School (239) and Commonwealth Secondary School (238)

Placement of students in secondary schools is by MERIT, NOT BY CHOICE.

As long as you meet the cut-off point, you will be accepted into the school, no matter where you place the school. If another child's first choice is Chung Cheng High School (Main) and he scores 239, the child who scores 240 and placed it as the 4th or even 6th choice would get in first.

The above example is given without considering home-school distance, so home distance to secondary schools will play a big role in the selection.

Many will think that the first two choices given by Coco's principal is unrealistic. I think what she was trying to say is that since the selection is by merit, it doesn't hurt to put the dream schools down as the first two choices. Personally, I would not have done that. Instead, I would select two schools with cut-off points in the range of 242 and 245.

Appeal Intended
Then there are parents who have their children's dream schools in mind and their children's T-scores are just one point below the cut-off points. For these parents, they may put the dream school as the first choice, and put in an appeal to the school. For appeal cases, you need to put the school as the first choice. Most schools do not entertain your appeal if they are not your first choice.

Lower versus Higher Cut-off Points
Some parents make the mistake of putting schools of lower cut-off points above schools of higher cut-off points. That is what I call 'wasting the choice'. If you can't get in the school with a lower cut-off point at the first two choices, what is the chance you can get in the school with a higher cut-off point at the third or fourth choice?

IP versus O level
Generally, IP schools have higher cut-off points than O-level track schools, so it doesn't make sense to put O-level track schools ahead of IP schools. Even within schools that offer both IP and O level programmes, the Integrated Programme has a higher cut-off point than O level Programme. So don't make the mistake of placing O level programme before IP. And schools that offer both programmes have different codes for the two programmes. You do not get considered for O level programme in the same school automatically if you had only put in the IP code.

Affiliation Matters
For secondary schools affiliated with primary schools, you must put the affiliated secondary school as the first choice to qualify for the affiliation, if you meet the affiliation cut-off points. If you put the affiliated school as any other choice, you will be considered for entry on equal footing as students from any other school and your T-score will have to meet the non-affiliated cut-off point.

My list on how to put in the 6 choices is not exhaustive, and different children have different T-scores and needs that require different placement of the choices, so nobody is obligated to follow what I say as  THE rule.

Just sharing what I have learnt and observed.

If you feel you have failed: for the PSLE parents

At one of my lowest points in parenting, I came across this letter by the writer Darci on Facebook.

It is for the parent who feels he or she has failed.

In the event you feel you have failed as parent, especially after you have received your child's PSLE results, please read the letter. It is for you.

A love letter to parents

Dear moms and dads and caregivers out there: I have said this before, but I am feeling the need to say it again - This is a love letter to you.

Time and time again while talking to parents, I hear about the intense guilt and fear that we feel in our parenting. We worry that we are doing something wrong, that we don't love our kids enough, or in the right way, or in the same way that our friends love their kids. We worry that we did the wrong thing or said the wrong thing or that we have somehow missed the boat with our children.

We worry that our kids are eating too much or not eating enough. We worry that our kids aren't getting enough sleep or reading enough books or learning the right things. We worry that our instincts are wrong or that we chose the wrong parenting book to follow or that we are pushing too hard or not pushing hard enough.

Every day I talk to parents who are doing their best and striving to do better. Parents who are reading and thinking and changing and growing along with their children. Parents who are contemplating their own practices and interactions with their children and challenging themselves to go deeper into this world of parenting than ever before.

And I think it is amazing.

And I think you are amazing.

And I think we are all human. Destined to be less than perfect much of the time. It is easy to find countless things to worry about and regret and struggle over. It is easy to find things that don't make sense or that we did differently from others. It is easy to get lost in those things and lose sight of what is in our hearts. And when we do that, it is almost impossible to trust ourselves, our instincts and our own inner wisdom about what is right for our families. And that is when we get lost, feel alone and judged and scared and overwhelmed. It's easy to go there.

But instead, let's be gentle with ourselves and realize some simple truths:

1) There is no perfect parent.
Parenting is not about perfection. It is about supporting another human along this path called life, with all its twists and turns and bumps. There is no perfect path, only amazing journeys. When we stop judging ourselves on how imperfect we are according to others, we can start truly being present in the path we are on.

2) We will mess up.
If there is a parent out there that hasn't lost their cool, said something they regret, done something they wished they hadn't, I would like to meet them. Most of us will have moments, days, weeks that don't look like we want them to look. The question is not whether or not that will happen, but what we do about it. How do we pull ourselves back together? How do we process it with our children? How do we get help when we need it?

3) It is never too late to change course.
So often I hear parents say,"It's too late, I did X when I should have done Y and now my child will never ..." It's never too late; that's the beauty of being mindful and aware of our parenting. If we are aware, we can be flexible. If we are gentle with ourselves, we can understand that something isn't working and try something new. If we are open, we can become aware of changes in our children, ourselves and our environment that call for a change of course. That's life. It doesn't mean we did something wrong.

Parenting is a journey. The path is rocky. We will probably trip and fall sometimes, and it's never too late to change direction. When we realise that we are walking this path with our children, rather than for them, the journey becomes so much more enjoyable. When we spend our time looking back at all the things we stumbled on, we miss the connection to our child in the moment, we miss the scenery we are currently passing by and, maybe most importantly, we miss the road signs that are up ahead. Our child, our families, our hearts may be trying to tell us something and we just can't hear it because we are too busy feeling like bad parents.

So, this is my love letter to all of you, all the moms and dads and caregivers who are thinking about parenting so deeply. Instead of focusing on guilt, let's focus on what we are doing right. If we are leading with our hearts and doing what we feel is best for our child, we can and should trust our own path. If we are listening to our families and exploring our own patterns and becoming aware of our own mistakes, then we are leaps and bounds ahead of the game. If we are guiding our children with love and respect, they will feel it. Even if we mess up. Which we will. And if we treat our children like people in their own right, they will live up to the task. Even if they mess up. Which they will. And together, our messiness becomes life. A life worth living.

Sleepless on the Eve of PSLE Result Release

Tomorrow is THE day. Technically, it is 'Today' as it's past midnight, but since it is 1am of 21 November, and I haven't slept yet, I will call it 'Tomorrow'.

The day when PSLE results are released.

Strangely, ever since Coco sat for her PSLE and received her results two years ago, I have developed a 'habit' of losing sleep over PSLE result release, even if I don't have anyone in the family who sat for PSLE that year, like this year.

I am not sure what the feeling is called. It can't be 'excited' because PSLE results can be unpredictable. I am not rooting for a top scholar in the country. There is no expectation of any sort for anyone. Or perhaps, there is. I happened to tutor a motivated boy for a few sessions about two or three weeks just before PSLE. He has been placed on the waiting list for a top boys' school through DSA, and it's no secret that the waiting list offer will be converted to Confirmed Offer (Then why go through the hassle of offering a wait-list?). He didn't need to do any better than he already was. He just wanted to get a better score. I was moved by the boy's intrinsic desire to do well. Two or three weeks was too short a time to do anything substantial, but I was willing to give it a shot if the boy was that motivated.

However, I don't really have anything huge to look forward to. The mother understood that time was a constraint and she didn't expect too much of me. She was happy that the boy managed to learn something new within a short span of time. To claim that I could push up his score by a large margin would be too optimistic. We hope for the best though.

Back to why I lose sleep over PSLE result release, it can't be 'anxious' since I have no one close to me straddling between 'pass' and 'fail' or 'express' and 'normal'.

I am not a Primary 6 teacher who looks forward to receiving her report card, as indicated by the performance of her students, tomorrow.

Maybe I am just a kaypoh.

Or maybe I am indeed 'excited'. I learn more about judgement of standards with each PSLE result release. I learn how to gauge possible T-scores of different students.

Maybe I hope to be surprised.

Whatever it is, I hope that no parent will show his or her disappointment should the child's T-score falls below parents' expectation.

That is the least we can do for our children we claim to love.

Love for the Alma Mater

A friend who is teaching in Nan Hua Primary School has enrolled her child in her alma mater, St Margaret's.

Prior to the P1 registration exercise, everybody had thought she would enrol her child in the top school. It was a no-brainer to everybody else.

Nan Hua was so 'top' that it even beat Nanyang Primary School last year at its PSLE scores, in terms of the percentage of children who achieved T-scores of 250 and above. If I remember correctly, Nanyang only had 38% of its cohort achieving that feat, while Nan Hua had 48% or thereabout.

However, to my friend, what she did was a 'no-brainer' as she had 6 years of her fondest memories at her alma mater.

I feel that what my friend did is truly a demonstration of her love for her alma mater. As a staff of the school, she qualified for the priority phase, 2A2, for the registration exercise. Although the phase did require the applicants to go through balloting due to over-subscription, she stood a good chance no less.

Above all, she lives in the far west of Singapore. It would have been a natural choice to pick the nearer school, other than the convenient access consideration, rather than the other one in the centre of the island.

Love for the alma mater is something so intangible, yet at the same time, so tangible it affects important decisions for someone you love with all your life. It can be so irrational it makes you send your child across half the island to attend school.

I can't help but draw a comparison with those who advocate distance priority for the P1 registration exercise. For all the 'distance must/should come first' slogan they had shouted, many change their tune when their children are selected for the gifted programme. Suddenly, people living in different parts of Singapore are all eyeing Nanyang Primary for the gifted programme. Didn't they say distance was important? Didn't they say the long journey would tire children out? Suddenly, all these don't matter anymore. Of course, there is still a minority who adopts the 'nearest school' approach, but from what I read on the forum, it seems Nanyang is the preferred choice, even if one lives in Jurong.

Perhaps, having a child getting selected for the gifted programme is the litmus test of whether a person truly embraces or advocates distance as the priority for school selection. I know someone would then say that the same could be said of the love for one's alma mater. Perhaps, but it does seem to me that there are more parents who choose to have their children stay put at their alma maters when the children are selected for the gifted programme than parents who advocate distance priority.

Why Primary One Registration is Similar to PSLE

As Baby's birth date is 8 years apart from Coco's, I didn't have the privilege of enrolling Baby at Phase 1, the phase that allows those who have existing siblings in the school to enrol without worries, at Primary One registration exercise this year.

For both girls, I had to register them at Phase 2A2, the alumni phase for alumni who didn't join the alumni association.

So after 8 years, I had to go through the tormenting and stressful exercise again.

I recall following the statistics on the school website (the school would update the P1 enrolment statistics on a daily basis like what Nanhua Primary School did this year) closely. Every day, I would try to calculate in vain the chance of Coco being enrolled in William's alma mater. Although during that time, there was no cap on the number of applicants for 2A2, I was very worried as it was a baby-boom year. The numbers at Phases 1 and 2A1 doubled those of previous years'. If the number at 2A2 also doubled, the school would go into balloting.

Every day, I would tell William that I was worried that we had to ballot. He would dismiss my worry saying that there hadn't been any balloting done at 2A2 in the history of P1 registration.

Thankfully, much to my relief, the number of enrolment at 2A2 remained similar to the previous years' and Coco got in the school without any drama.

This year, most of us were caught by surprise what the Prime Minister announced at last year's National Day Speech Rally in August, that 40 seats would be reserved for Phases 2B and 2C. As the deadline for alumni to join the alumni association, and 'upgrade' themselves to 2A1, was 30 June, those who did not join the association could not join it in time. Talk about unfairness!

But thankfully, Baby was enrolled in Coco's and William's alma mater without any drama as well.

When I look back at the whole episode, I feel that there are a few similarities between P1 registration and PSLE, something that I am not too foreign with:

1) People withhold information from one another.

I am quite certain that some people were privy to the information about the 40-seat reservation policy for Phases 2B and 2C before the Prime Minister had announced it. For some reason, this year, we saw the number of applicants at 2A1 shoot up. Historically, Coco's alma mater always had more applicants at 2A2 for the last 7 or 8 years as reflected on its website. However, this year, 2A1 had about 14 applicants more than 2A2. It was most unusual!

Then a forummer revealed that actually his alumni association had told them that there would be changes to P1 registration and he would only stand to benefit if he joined the association.

Such withholding of information reminds me of PSLE preparation when parents or children do not want to share their resources or tutors' contacts.

2) People discourage others from doing more so as to eliminate competition.

A few years ago, a mother on my Facebook asked for opinion on whether she should be a parent volunteer as a highly sought-after school in terms of the number of applicants.

Just about every single contribution asked her not to, citing different reasons. One of the reasons that stood out was: you should go for a school that is more holistic. Academic-driven ones only focus on one aspect, the academic.

It is quite similar to how others telling one that certain tuition centres are no good during PSLE preparation, and so should not go for tuition at those centres, or those who professed 'I never study at home' who happen to do very well in tests and exams.

Then, this year, it surprised me that many mothers enrolled their P1-going children at top schools or very good schools!

The poor mother who had asked for opinion could not get a place for her child at the school she had given up her parent-volunteer opportunity at. In the end, she had to register her child at Phase 2C Supplementary, a phase for those who didn't manage to get in their preferred at earlier phases, whether it was based on connection or distance. It meant that she would have lost out on schools that were generally more popular with parents. It also meant that her choice of schools would be limited.

This is similar to PSLE preparation where children who believe that their friends who 'never study' could really end up not studying, or not studying as hard as they should. In the end, these children realised that their friends had not been telling the truth all along when results were released, but it's all too late.

3) People would do anything and everything to increase their chance to do better than their competitor.

At P1 registration, I was surprised to hear from a colleague that at her husband's school, which happened to be Coco's alma mater, more than 20 teachers have children who are due to register for P1 in 4 years' time, which is the dragon year.

More often than not, newly transferred teachers at this school have young children waiting to enter a primary school.

It gives me insight on what even teachers would do to up their chance at P1 registration.

When I was intensely worried about Baby's P1 registration, the same colleague told me that her husband had mentioned that the principal at his school was very busy those few days. She was busy meeting parents. Parents were walking in and out of the principal's office and asking a favour from the principal ie. to make their children's entry to the school certain.

The principal was kept so busy that she decided to put a stop to it. She sent an email to the whole school asking the staff not to entertain parents' request to meet the principal!

At PSLE, we see the ugly faces of parents and students when they suddenly become oral or composition experts, foretelling what their friends say or write would warrant a 'fail', so that it could affect their friends' morale during PSLE.

4) People feel that the process is 'unfair' to them.

I do not need to say more about P1 registration. Parents in phases 2B and 2C feel that it is unfair that the alumni applicants are not capped at a number while they are left with the remaining 'unwanted' seats. A lot of reasons and arguments are shouted out by the 2B and 2C parents to rationalise why the alumni should get lost from their alma maters, whether they are self-serving or selfish does not matter.

At PSLE, parents feel that it is unfair when oral topics are easier for the earlier or latter group of students. The mainstream students' parents feel that it is unfair that GEP students only need to hit 250 as T-score to qualify for the EESIS award while the mainstream students had to meet the higher T-score of  more than 260. The mainstream students' parents also feel that it is unfair that the GEP students are more sought-after by top schools during the DSA (Direct School Admission) than the mainstream students.

5) People get jealous of others who get a better school or result.

It is especially blatant or obvious when you visit a P1 registration thread on kiasuparents forum. The sense of jealousy is emitted strongly when those 2B and 2C parents do not want co-existence with the 2A (alumni) parents. They want elimination of Phase 2A so that they have the popular schools for themselves.

A mother who was a parent-volunteer on my Facebook used words like 'disgusted' to describe the alumni, knowing that I placed my child in a popular school at the alumni phase. It turned out that she was having a hard time during P1 registration. It sounded like jealousy to me.

Jealousy over better T-scores at PSLE, and subsequently enrolment at better schools need no elaboration. A mother whose child got into a good girls' school insisted that her child's school was on the same footing as the top girls' school, and constantly compared the two girls' schools and concluding that both were similar in their academic achievements also tells me the mother was jealous of my child getting into a better school despite being better in her T-score than her daughter's by fewer than 10 points.



It was not a conscious effort to type out a list of similarities between P1 registration and PSLE. Perhaps it is because I had gone through PSLE 1.5 years ago. Coupled with the intense P1 registration I went through this year, I have fairly strong feelings about both processes. The list just came out like that as I typed, one point after another.

Both are high-stake processes which parents who bother about their children's studies would be very concerned with. My wish for these processes would be that there could be more sharing and genuine opinion to be given when asked, the way you hope someone else would share with you or give you when you solicit for help or opinion. Both processes are stressful on their own. We really don't need to create enemies or competitors out of our acquaintances or friends while going through them. But judging from the fact that most of us can't be happy for another when another does better or have a better situation, I think we have a long way to go.

Secondary Schools Dilemma

William was telling me that a student's parent was constantly doing comparison between her daughter's school and Coco's school.

She said that her daughter's school also has students scoring more than 250 at PSLE, so the two schools are similar.

I brushed it off, adopting the if-you-know-you-are-better-there-is-nothing-to-fight-over attitude towards the silly comparison.

She persisted and argued with him over smses and watsapp. Her argument included an example: her daughter was doing better than Coco's primary school classmate who scored 258 and in her daughter's class, so similarly, an O level track school may not lose out to an IP school.

I adopted the all-schools-are-different-what's-there-to-compare attitude, especially when one is an O level track school whilst the other is an IP school.

She continued her silly battle. At the end of last year, she said her daughter's neighbourhood primary school is the same as, if not better than, a top school because her daughter was in the top 3 in class at sec one while Coco's primary school classmate failed 2 or 3 subjects.

It got a little irritating. I wish I have something intelligent to say to her as rebuttal.

At the same time, I sympathise with Coco's primary school classmate.

For a girl who scored 258 at PSLE and has gone to an O level track school, she ought to excel in the school.

It is puzzling to know that she becomes a totally different person when she goes to secondary school.

In Coco's primary school, she was the vice head-prefect who excelled academically.

When she goes to the O level track school, she doesn't do her homework but copies from her classmates when she reaches school the next morning.

She steals her classmates' books or belongings and hides them in another classmate's locker/s, possibly just for fun.

And she fails "2 or 3 subjects" at the end of sec one.

I once read, on a forum, about a girl who did well enough to get into good schools but she enrolled herself into a neighbourhood school for fear of stress.

She ended up playing truant and hiding school letters from her mother.

Eventually, she admitted to her mother that school had been boring for her.

Other parents on the forum encouraged the parent to transfer the daughter to a better school as they felt that it could be because the daughter was not sufficiently challenged in terms of the academics and that was the reason for her boredom.

I am wondering if the same could have happened to Coco's classmate.

She lives in a penthouse in a shopping mall in Orchard area. She doesn't need to steal anything.

She excelled in her studies in primary school. It is illogical that she does badly at a secondary school in which she is likely to be one of those who holds the highest T-score.

She was popular and well-loved in her primary school. A pretty girl with fair skin and Eurasian features. She doesn't need to invite unwanted attention to herself.

I went to her Facebook page (horrible mother-stalker of daughter's friends, I know) and saw that many of her Facebook friends went to top schools or IP schools. She was not active on Facebook.

William reckoned that the girl's parents would have wanted her to receive an overseas education after doing O levels, and that was why she was enrolled into an O level track school, but Coco defended that decision by saying that the girl had, all along, said that that school was her dream school.

It dawns on us that secondary school selection is ever so important. But then again, who would know what would happen? The girl's school is a good O level track girls' school. It is by no means a lousy school, but what has happened in the school or to the girl that such has happened to her? We can probably only make the best decision for our children based on the information available to us there and then.

I hope that things work out for this girl soon. It is really a waste to see an excellent student fading away.

Accept it. Life is unfair.

The big boss of the education department has spoken, that the 5 girls from St Margarets Secondary School need not wear wigs to school.

I think the message sent to the public, at this juncture, would be:

Media and public pressure works.

There are just too many people who have never been an educator telling the educators what to do.

A doctor friend once told me, that doctors hate idiots who tell them what to do.

The same goes for educators.

If you have never been an educator, you don't see the big picture on how letting a few girls go bald 'in the spirit of Hair for Hope' could potentially lead to a balding trend among the hormone-raging, fad-tailing teens.

If you have never been an educator, you don't understand how allowing one child to get what he wants can cause havoc in a classroom of forty.

I am not sure if this is a gesture from the government to show that they do listen to the ground, but I still believe that there are certain things we should stand by, like rules, principles and promises.

I was just wondering, given the extent of the government's willingness to give in to the social media's pressure, would a change in the alumni priority at Primary One registration really take place?

And I was toying with the idea that should it really happen, that even the alumni priority would base on distance, such that only the rich alumni and the rich who can afford a flat or house near the popular schools can send their kids to the popular schools, how would I react?

Would I cry foul like those people on kiasuparents forum?

Would I become one of those ugly people who cry 'Mom, it's unfair!'?

I think I wouldn't.

I would accept what the system dishes out, not because I accept whatever is allocated, but I believe that there must be certain considerations and thought processes behind the system which I as a commoner cannot comprehend or see.

And what is life without a little 'injustice'?

So what, if Baby cannot get into the popular school?

Well, we will send her to one of the neighbourhood schools in our not-so-well-to-do neighbourhood.

And we will make sure we support her well.

I am too grown-up to cry 'unfair' just because I don't get what I want.

And life is unfair.

But mine has been so much fairer than many others who would exchange a leg and an arm for the life that I have.

As a parent, I had often lamented how the saying of 'children are a reflection of the adult' was untrue, but as an educator, it is often very true. If the child is a devil, you can be sure that the parents are even greater devils.

For parents who always cry unfair when they don't get their way, I am sure their children will grow up to be like that too.

My parents did not have exactly smooth-sailing lives, but never have I heard them using the word 'unfair' in my life.

They accept their lots. The only thing my father complains about is his 5 daughters' incapability of marrying rich men and giving him a generous allowance and a car to drive.

He did complain about the government policies in his younger days, which caused him to lose his Malaysian workers and his business thereafter. But never once did he use the word 'unfair'. He could see where the government come from - to give the job opportunities to the locals, but even he could see, as long as 30 years ago, that they were policies that did not work out, as evident from today's influx of foreign 'talents'.

The same group of people who cry unfair now will also cry unfair when people try to cheat using false addresses in order to gain an edge based on the distance priority. Yet they fail to see that this is a potentially larger loop holes that people would try to slip through if what they wish comes true.

Selfish, short-sighted, narrow-minded.

Traits of elitism.

Elitism at its worst

Every year this time, voices on the internet would grow ferociously loud and letters about an all-important issue would find their way onto The Straits Times' forum page.

Yes, it's about the 'imperfect' system of Primary One registration.

But what I find disgusting and intolerable is these voices would screech, repetitively, about how 'unfair' and 'elitist' a particular phase is - yes, you guessed it. It's phase 2A, the alumni phase.

These are the allegations against the phase:

- It is elitist as the children of the alumni get to enter the school through nil merit, and the alumni who had benefitted from the school continue to benefit from it by having their children studying in the same school as themselves.

- It is unfair as the takeup rate at this phase is the greatest and it leaves very few vacancies to the remaining phases.

- It is elitist because those schools are popular schools and incidentally, top schools, and children whose parents without connections to the schools have little chance to enter the schools.

- It is unfair because the majority of the alumni do nothing for the their alma maters for so many years and only turn up during P1 registration to enrol their children into the schools.

- It is elitist as it cuts the majority of the population away from these schools and only the alumni get to enjoy the schools.

- Children who live far away from the schools are the cause of air pollution and do a lot of harm to the environment because most of the alumni live more than 2km outside the schools and parents send their offsprings to schools in - heaven forbid, cars!

- The alumni's children are deprived of sleep because their parents make them wake up at 5am to go to their alma maters.

- It is elitist. Period.

- It is unfair. Full-stop.


In truth, the most elitist people are these people who voice incessantly, untiringly to champion for a change in the system, to oust the alumni who do not live within the schools' radius from the phase.

They sound as if they are championing for the good of the majority. The fact is, they are the minority who seethe with utter jealousy at the juicy grapes that are out of their reach.

Their argument is that distance priority is the most logical and fairest way to allocate seats in a school. But we all know what kind of financial standing it takes for one to buy houses or flats near popular schools. I shudder to think that the seats in popular schools get taken up by just the rich and the very rich simply because they can afford to live near those schools.

By emphasising 'logical' and 'fairest' reasons (read: distance, distance and distance), I can't help but feel that these people are the typical product of the Singapore education system who only look at statistics and logic and nothing else.

They dismiss the values and sentimental reasons quoted by the many alumni. They scoff,"You mean your warm fuzzy feeling at seeing your child going to the same school as you did entitles your child a place at these (popular) schools?"

They don't understand that there are things that can't be bought by money. They have to put a number or monetary value to everything in life. They don't understand what memories can offer you. They think that the whole world revolves around money and anything and everything that doesn't have economic value should go.

I stopped arguing with these people because I realised that these people don't even have principles.

One speaks against the alumni phase when he has the intention of sending his son, if he has any in the future, to his 'very popular alma mater in Bishan', via the alumni phase. The other speaks against the parent volunteer phase when he himself got his children into his school of choice through the very mean he is now against.

I am disgusted.

If you hate this phase's guts, at least have some backbone and don't join in the evildoing (if that's how you perceive it).

And the lame reason such people would give would be,"Well, what can we do? This is how the system works."

Pui!

These will be the same people who will champion for the alumni phase when their grandchildren need it, since their children are now in these popular schools. And they will cook up some cock-and-bull to rationalise why the alumni phase should stay in such a way that it benefits them, like giving the alumni who live within the school radius priority (because they themselves live within the school radius).

These people live in their own world and imagine that the alumni are meek, timid people who allow them to push over. I would like to see if there really is a tweak to the alumni phase, what kind of people would speak up against it. And how many of the alumni would rise up and beat these noise-making machines to a pulp.

However, honestly, I doubt these noise would be taken seriously.  I used to be worried, until I also looked at the statistics: every year, the popular schools produce at least 250 alumni each. You are talking about generations of alumni here. A 70-year-old school would have at least 12, 000 to 17, 500 alumni. And most popular schools have at least 70 years of history.

I haven't even started to rebuttal the points listed in the quest for outright elitism that's perpetuated by distance priority.

Besides, the schools are popular now because of the alumni. It's due to the stellar results of the alumni that these schools become choice schools for the non-alumni. Oh, these people would argue that it is the teachers that make the difference. Yeah, the same teachers teach for 50 years in these schools and continue to produce students who in turn produce stellar results.

What I find ludicrous is: they call the noise they make on a forum 'furore'.

If you look at the ones making the noise, they are the same few people repeating, repackaging, rephrasing their age-old argument of 'distance is the most logical and fairest way to allocate priority' over and over again.

Yes, my child benefitted from the alumni phase. And I dare say that even if she did not, I would still support this phase which does not have a cap on the number of alumni who register, because this phase is just about the only phase that does not look at how much money you have, what kind of flat or house you live in, what job you hold and what social status you have. And it is by the virtue of the alumni that these schools gain country-wide recognition on their excellence. Such history is built up over many years and generations. No amount of money can buy that.

The parents who view the alumni phase as 'unfair', 'unjust', 'elitist' and so on are parents who did parent-volunteer work. Some got in, a few did not.

Apparently, they must have been disgruntled at the fact that they needed to put in 40 hours of free labour even though they live within 1km or 2km of the schools, just so that they could have a chance at getting into the schools, so they wanted revenge.

Just because you have the money to buy expensive flats or houses near those schools entitles your child to have a place in the school?

That's elitism at its worst.

What's up with kindy these days?

I have been busy - busy with what - I am also not sure. But I have been tired. Physically, mentally tired.

I do get to come home much earlier compared to when I was in my previous school, but I would lounge my body on the couch and stare at the box that would never reject me.

I have to admit that I am not as enthusiastic in coaching Baby compared to Coco when she was young, but then again, Coco didn't have 听写or spelling when she was in K1.

I think deep down inside, I am still repulsed by the idea of making 4- and 5-year-olds write so hard and so much. My idea of a pre-school education is one without writing, but lots of story-telling, listening, playing, drawing and basically doing what the kid really likes, which Coco was given ample space and time to.

But Baby has homework that involves writing of multiple-stroke characters like 青草,树木 which come together as one set of worksheets. Not just Chinese. English too. Asking them to write words like 'stump' for penmanship? Hello?

They are just babies really.

They can't even hold a pencil properly and you're making them write characters more complex than what I was writing at primary one and words I only know when I was in secondary school.

I know police wore shorts last time, but how different can the development of motor and cognitive skills of children from different eras be?

I am no child psychologist but instincts tell me that what we are doing now is forcing the young plants to grow by pulling them up to make them look like they have grown a few inches every day. It was still acceptable at Nursery level, but I find it quite overwhelming and disillusioning at K1. I feel like screaming,"My baby is only 4 years old! Stop forcing her to write, write and write!"

When I heard that a PCF kindergarten was getting the kids to learn '葡萄' for Chinese spelling, I already found it ridiculous, incomprehensible,"What are these people thinking?!!" I thought it would never happen to my own baby. But it seems she is on the way to write such words for penmanship.

I don't know what the rush is. I hate to sound like a broken record, but we learnt 人，口，手 at Primary One and we turn out fine - more than fine in fact. And I don't remember so many children hating Chinese. I might hate Chinese too if I were a child today.

I think I am getting disillusioned with pre-school education and that's why the angst. I had enrolled Baby into a church kindergarten so that she could enjoy what her sister enjoyed - learning to sing gospel songs and love God with a simple heart while studying in a not-so-academically-driven kindergarten that focuses more on reading and story-telling.

I get very upset when I realise it is not as what I had imagined.

While I may appear to focus a lot on the academics at primary school level since this is the time to build discipline and expectations, I don't believe that children at 4 and 5 years old should be sitting down for an hour, or even half an hour to do penmanship. That's like a corporal punishment for them. Children that young are made to play, and play they should!

Of course, I understand that this is the trickling-down effect of the primary school education system. Since Primary One demands a rather high level of reading and writing ability, we trickle it down to kindergarten, so that they start to write compositions at K2 (I am not kidding!). Since at K2, they start writing compositions, they have to start writing enough vocabulary at K1.

I know that the effect is irreversible. I just wish something can be done about it.

Give, and receive so much more

Coco and I have benefitted a lot from what the parent volunteers do, both at primary and secondary levels.

I felt grateful to know that Coco was in good hands with a doctor-parent-volunteer when she had to go to the sick bay. At school outings, I could be sure that there would be more than one pair of eyes keeping tab on the children. When she crossed the road outside her school gate, I was relieved to see the parent-volunteer traffic wardens stopping the cars before allowing the children to cross over. And these are just a few of the things I remember specifically.

At secondary school level, they have helped organise quite a few activities such as a dumpling wrapping session and a parenting talk on how to communicate with teenagers. I was impressed that Coco's schools never fail to exceed my expectations of a Talk. They almost always engage well-known vendors or psychologists I have seen on TV. And I don't watch a lot of parenting documentaries on TV.

Being so grateful, I decided to volunteer my time for the school's open house last Saturday.

I didn't know what I could do since I am as much a noob as any new parent. It was merely out of a heart to give back, with no intention to get anything out of it.

But to my surprise, I received so much more:

1. The Parent Support Group (PSG)

The parents were friendly and warm. They are not your regular tai-tais who look atas and smooth-skined and chignoned hair.

They were chatty and helped the introvert me to mingle with the other parent volunteers who have joined their activities more than once.

They shared with me how their girls are like and those with gifted children are humble and nice. When asked how both their children managed to become gifted, they said,"We just encourage them."

2. The school tour

I was tasked to follow the school tour groups led by the student councillors.

I was thoroughly impressed by the councillors. They were confident when speaking to the groups. They were very comfortable leading the parents around the school and introducing and explaining the places as well as their purposes and function.

The tour enlightened me a lot more than the Sec One Parent Orientation.

Halfway through the first tour, when the councillor was explaining why the Biology laboratories were located on the first floor - to be beside the eco pond for their experiments, I suddenly felt very grateful that Coco is part of the school. It dawned on me how privileged Coco is to be a student of the school. Even the architecture and layout of the school is well-thought out.

There's nothing quite like when you yourself truly believe that the school is indeed good. Others can tell you that it is a good school, but it remains as something that you hear from the grapevine until you are convinced, and believe, that the school is 'really good'.

3. The people watching

While waiting for the crowd to come in, I people-watched and observed that the girls who came for the Open House had similar external traits. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I thought the girls looked studious and obedient. They either have short, straight hair below their ears or long hair tied into a ponytail, straight and neatly-combed. Most of them wear glasses as well.

Their mothers were mostly well-groomed too, but I wouldn't say the same for the fathers, who incidentally were not as many.

4. The parents

I learnt something new from one of the parents as I followed the tour.

When I asked which of her girls was to be enrolled into the school next year, the mother said,"Oh no. She (pointing to one of the girls) is in P4."

It never occured to me that people would take their P4 or P5 children to schools' open house. And she is right. Why not? To go to schools' open house at P6 is a tad too late if the child have not been a motivated child. The child is more likely to think he won't have the time to buck up than be very motivated to study hard if he has not been performing well academically. Going to schools' open house at P4 and P5 gives the child ample time to pull up his socks and a target to work towards to.

I am just so wowed by these parents' far-sightedness.

5. The Open House

I was impressed with how well-run and organised the event was.

I haven't been to many schools' open house. I didn't get to go to any last year. The first and only secondary school open house I had been to is St Joseph's Institution. The scout allocated to us for the school tour did not exude the same level of confidence and eloquence although I must commend the scout's courage to lead the tour since it must be a daunting task for a lower secondary student to do what a student councillor at upper secondary does.

The Open House was well-planned and executed. Everything was properly run and done without haste, or at least, haste that was not obvious to me.

The school set up numerous tables for registration and distribution of the goody bags at the main entrance, just outside the auditorium where the principal's talk would be held. And they did not neglect the smaller crowd which entered via the side gate.

The CCA Open House was congregated at the hall as well as the classroom block. And the CCA teachers or vendors and students would come forward to interest you further with their warm and welcoming chit chats if you so looked at the direction of their booth for what most would qualify as an 'interested look'.

I am thoroughly impressed, and as strange as it may sound, I feel proud of the school.

I told William when I got home,"I feel so proud of the school. I feel as if I am a student from the school too!"

He chuckled with a 'poof'.

How holistic do you want your child's education to be?

Sometimes on Facebook and forums, I read posts about parents trying to decide if they should place their child in an above-average neighbourhood school or if they should become a parent volunteer to up their chance at P1 registration.

Then many others would respond to the posts, citing negative examples of what happens in top schools, and that it is more important to have a happy and 'holistic' child than to emphasise on results.

Then the poster would say something about her dropping the idea of enrolling the child in the school, as she wants her child to be happy and to be able to get a holistic education rather than one that emphasises on academic results.

And the respondents would be happy that the poster has reached a 'wise' decision.

I always refrain from responding to such posts. And if I do, I delete my response after typing it in.

Because my response would not be a popular one.

In truth, the top schools are actually better at giving students a holistic education.

Let's define 'holistic'. The term is so overly-used that sometimes I don't even know what people are referring to anymore.

'Holistic education' in short, is the education of the whole child. In Singapore's context, it probably means to provide an education that does not just emphasise on the academics. Co-Curricular Activities (CCA) is one of such means.

However, if you go to the MOE website, nowhere does it mention that our education system aims to provide a 'holistic education'. What it does have is a set of Desired Outcomes of Education, which aims to mould our children into:

a confident person, a self-directed learner, an active contributor and a concerned citizen.

Of course, we may argue that to be the person listed above, the education he receives should ideally be a 'holistic' one in order to be such a person.

In any case, most people would define a 'holistic education' as one that does not emphasise on academic results.

Now, if the education system does not have PSLE as the yardstick at the end of our children's 6-year primary school education, I would say,"To hell with the academics!"

The fact that PSLE is, and will continue to be the yardstick for our children's education.

Academics aside, top schools are still better at providing a holistic education.

Have you seen children who excel in everything, academic, music, art and physical training?

That's how top schools are. They are good at the academics, and good at non-academic activities.

If you want a truly holistic education, the top or good schools are your best bet.

At P4, Coco learnt dragon-boating together with the rest of the students in her level.

What activity teaches you more about co-operation and groupwork spirit than having to row a boat together, to race the other classes?

I don't remember neighbourhood schools having such an activity. Of course, they can have other activities that promote co-operation and groupwork spirit among the students, but I am just quoting a convenient example to show that top schools have the resources and manpower that neighbourhood schools do not have.

Coco's school has an annual swimming event during the curriculum time. They simply play and swim with their friends, or take part in a swimming competition organised by the school during the event. If that is not 'holistic', or simply non-academic, I don't know what is. Again, I haven't heard of neighbourhood schools doing the same thing.

Coming from a school that did not place emphasis on the academics, I have a lot more insights on how a non-academic environment affects a child than an average Joe.

In the name of 'holistic education', the school would spend half a day (from after recess onwards) to celebrate an occasion. Be it Hari Raya, Chinese New Year, Teachers' Day, Children's Day ... you name it, they had it. They also spent the precious curriculum time on giving students dance lessons in celebrating this and that occasion.

It is fine to be holistic, but by doing all these non-academic stuff during curriculum time and over-emphasising the need to celebrate festivals and occasions, the school had unknowingly sent the message that studying is not important to the students.

It was no wonder that the students' results were always very poor, year after year. The students were always excited about rollerblading, dancing and other non-academic programmes but only aimed for a pass at PSLE. As long as they did not repeat PSLE, all's well. Their Facebook posts could go something like this: I got 139 (t-score)! Yay!!!

The new principal who came on board frowned when she saw the results. And she said something that I couldn't agree more:

A child can be as holistic as he can get. At the end of the day, if he does not have the results, many windows will be closed to him.

I know of a child who was a champion at hockey. He had dsa-ed into a neighbourhood school using hockey.

However, he failed his PSLE, so he had to go to a school for PSLE failures, and he never gets to develop or realise his talent.

I find it strange that parents would think that neighbourhood schools are not so result-oriented, and therefore they would be more 'holistic'.

A holistic education is not something that you have when you are lacking in the academics. We have only 6 hours as curriculum time. If the school is not spending them on the academics, I would be very worried. I don't need a holistic education at the expense of what I send my children to school for. They should finish what a school ought to have done before they give my children something extra.

A Surprise with an Afterthought

Last night, when we returned from my birthday dinner at Lawry's, a pleasant surprise awaited me in the mailbox.

Coco got an 'Edusave Certificate of Academic Achievement' for 'being in the top 25% in terms of academic performance in the level and course and good conduct in school'.

It is the first time she ever received a certificate like this.

Top 25% in her school.

If you minus the GEP children in the cohort, she would be among the top 22 students in the mainstream.

I can't help but wonder if she would have got this certificate in her other years at school if I had not been a teacher.

Or maybe she was among the top 25% in her school at P1 and P2, or even P3, just that she was penalised for her conduct because I had been, admittedly, quite a 'difficult' parent by most teachers' definition.

Such things are by teachers' recommendation.

She didn't do very well at P4, a supposedly easy year. In fact, she did better at P5, which is 'strange', because most kids' results dip or plummet at that year.

But I was just thinking, if I had not ignored her academic progression, if I had stayed home and supervised her in her studies, if I had not been so stressed up and busy with teaching, could she have been among the top 25% all the time?

I was 'inspired' to take leave from work when an adjunct colleague told me that her children in a neighbourhood school would never have been able to get above 260 for their t-scores if she had not stayed home for their primary school years. Another colleague 'affirmed' this when she took a 3-month break from work and stayed home to 'be there' for her child before PSLE. The child hit 250, enough to get her into one of the better girls' school. The colleague didn't take leave for the second child though, at the request of the child herself. And she didn't do as well as her elder sister.

Time and again, parental involvement, especially the mother, seems to be the key to a child's academic excellence.

I just felt a little melancholic that the fact that we are not well-to-do enough to allow me to stay home for the kids, or my job is not one that allows me to spend time supervising and teaching my own kids. When I work, I basically ignore my own kids, not that I want to, but it is just that busy and preoccupying. I am called 'Ms Efficient' at work, but the amount of work is simply too much.

If 6 months spent with Coco can help her that much, I can imagine how much help I would have been to her if I had stayed home throughout her schooling years.

Mixed Feelings

I had always thought that whatever feelings parents have for the t-scores begin and end on the day the result is released.

My first experience with PSLE tells me that the 't-score effect' continues to last through the week after the release. It could possibly last through Christmas and even Chinese New Year when we meet relatives and friends.

William was sharing with me how he had gone to the nearby coffeeshop to buy his lunch when he met a parent of a child he had tutored. Even before he said anything, she told him she already know Coco's t-score.

While we are relieved that Coco has passed the mark of her school of choice, we are very aware that most parents are having a hard time coming to terms with unexpected results. If those who score 250 and above are the top ten percent of the cohort, then there are about 70 to 80% of the children or/and parents who have not got their expected results.

I know of parents who are overjoyed that their children did not fail PSLE, meaning the children get to go to Normal (Technical). Some others are happy that their children made it to the Express stream, and still others are glad that their children could go to Normal (Academic).

Most of these parents do not impose high expectations on their children. Usually, they just want their children to do a grade better than what they do in school. A child who had consistently scored 30/100 for Maths managed to get a B at PSLE. I am sure the mother would have felt immensely relieved and ecstatic. A child who had consistently got 50/100 for English managed a B at PSLE. I have no doubt the mother would be all smiles.

Most people would focus on the 'Highest aggregate score this year: 285' and think about how far their children are from the score, and who this child could possibly be. Few would think about the 'Lowest aggregate score this year: 43' and who the child could be.

I am not sure how the child getting the lowest t-score islandwide feels about his results, but it's highly likely that he already know that he would not make it before he took PSLE.

Such a child would have:
- failed all his exams, consistently, throughout his school life
- got U grade (below 20 marks) for all his subjects
- nil parental support
- nil tuition
- not studied for PSLE
- been likely a Foundation stream student

It may sound ridiculous but there are children who are not able to read at P5 and there are some who can only read 'a' and 'the' in a sentence.

There are children who cannot write at P6. I have seen my fair share of poor writings, but William told me he once read a script at an official exam which had 'A boy is a man, a man is a boy, a boy is a man, a man is a boy ...' for the whole piece of writing.

Indeed, our education system has lost these children. They slip through the holes in the system and get 'promoted' to P6 regardless of their results, and get streamed into Foundation.

After the results are released, they are retained for a year and get to try at PSLE again. Then they fail again, and are asked to go to Northlight or other institutions for students who fail PSLE twice.

It is likely that these children are from neighbourhood schools. Is it because the teachers at neighbourhood schools are less competent?

My question then would be: Are not all teachers trained by the same institution?

My take on the seemingly wide gap between teachers in neighbourhood schools and 'good' schools is that: teachers in good schools are given time to teach, reflect on their own teaching and create customised resources for their own students.

Teachers in neighbourhood schools do not have this 'privilege'. They are expected to develop children, in my opinion, more holistically than the good schools' children, to make up for the shortfall in the academic performance. And to do this, they need to turn themselves into event planners, event managers, dance instructors, story-telling trainers, scriptwriters, decorators ... I am not sure how much of these do the teachers in good schools do, but you can be sure these adhoc roles take up a huge amount of time and energy.

Teachers are only human beings. When you keep them in school for 10 to 12 hours every day for meaningless meetings and workshops that achieve little, something has to give. And if teaching is at the bottom of the list to be appraised, you can be sure teaching well would be the last thing on the teachers' mind.

From what I have seen and experienced in Coco's school, the teachers do have alot more support from parents ie. from running events to supporting the academic programmes at home. When they need help, they write a letter or email to request for support, and most of the time, support pours in. They in turn become better and more motivated teachers. Yes, over the years, they do become 'better' teachers than the neighbourhood school ones.

While we celebrate ...

The wait is finally over. Coco got 252 for her T-score.

William had asked Coco to let him look at her result first, even before she did. So she took her result slip, walked out of the classroom and obediently handed it to William.

William opened it carefully. With a frown and a hint of smile, he closed it, and opened it again before he gave it to us.

When I saw the score '252', the only word I could utter was Coco's name. Almost immediately, tears welled up in my eyes - for all the time and effort we had put in, for all the expectations and dreams we had for her, for all the frustrations, fears and stress that we had gone through, for all the months of salary that I had given up, for all the sleepless nights and nightmares that I had for the past one year. I cried. And cried. I didn't care if other parents saw me cry. My hands holding the result slip went numb. For the first time, I understood why Miss Universe always cry when they win the title. For the first time, I understood what people mean when they say 'it feels so surreal'.

Gratitudes overwhelmed me.

I don't care what the rest of the world get. Coco's class average T-score is 250. Her school has more than 30 students who got 270 and above. I only needed her to get 248 + Merit for Higher Chinese. And she got 252 + Merit.

I am grateful.

I am grateful to my principal who granted me no-pay leave at very short notice because I was stressed out by the guilt of not being there for Coco when she needed me most.

I am grateful to the mothers on kiasuparents who had generously shared their strategies for various subjects, especially the one on composition-writing. For all the years of teacher that I was, I could not break composition-writing down as well as she did. And she is not a teacher!

I am grateful to Coco's teachers who continuously set high standards for the children and paved the way for the children to achieve such results. Who says that brand-name schools are only about 'brands'? Who says that top schools push all the teachings to the tuition centres and private tutors? I can see for myself that the teachers had worked very hard at leveraging on the children's ability. They churned out worksheets tailored to the children's ability. The worksheets given were of good quality. The sample compositions given were almost-full-marks quality to show how the children should write at PSLE.

The teachers communicated honestly their feedback with the parents. When the Science teacher saw that Coco was consistently in the B range for Science, he told me that he was 'very worried' for her and that the school expected at least an A from her class. The English teacher told Coco that she was a 'potential A-star' pupil for English, making no promises that she definitely would be. The Chinese teacher said that Coco could get an A-star for Chinese if she continued to put in effort and improved along the way. The only teacher I did not get enough feedback from was her Maths teacher but I knew that Coco was a borderline-A for Maths.

I am grateful that William had put in alot of time and effort to coach Coco for Maths and Science. He probably worked harder than I did because he taught her the subjects consistently for ten months every Saturday and Sunday. He even found a studious girl to study together with her so that Coco could be motivated by a more hardworking girl.

Above all, I am grateful that prayer really changes things. We prayed alot over Coco's PSLE. Before she went for the exams, I prayed for peace of mind, intelligence and ability to remember whatever she had learnt or memorised. During the exams, I prayed at home that she could finish her papers and could recall what she had learnt and apply them accordingly. After the exams, I prayed that she would get lenient or enlightened markers who could see things her way. Even before the release of the results, I prayed and fasted for them. I still believed that God is a God of miracles even if the results had been printed.

We had not been faithful in going to church. In fact, we skipped church for almost the whole year because Coco had her tuition with William on Sundays. But God is faithful even when we are faithless.


Coco's PSLE results mean alot to us.

1) We are teachers by training. Even though both of us did not verbalise it, we know within ourselves that we need recognition that our teaching works, and her results are a reflection of our teaching.

She didn't receive Chinese tuition at all. Although I had always been a distinction student for Chinese, I was not sure if the way I taught her could work. So if she had done badly or even get an A for Chinese, I would have doubts with my own Chinese standard. By getting an A* for it, she affirms me that I did the right thing with her.

Although she goes for English enrichment, it hadn't really had an evident impact on her English result since P4. Her composition writing was still languishing in the 20s. With the enrichment centre's resources and the kiasuparents forum's mother's formula of teaching writing, I managed to get her to write in the way her teacher wanted and she was just reaching 30 or 31 out of 40, but I was hoping that it would be sufficient to hit at least a mid-30 at PSLE, and I guess it did, to bag her an A* for English as well.

The only tuition she received for Maths and Science was from William. It meant alot to William that she did well in them. He would receive sneers and jeers if Coco had got a B for either of them. I am sure he was hoping for an A* for the subjects but we are just glad that whatever her grades, her score was a good one.

2) We have invested alot of time, effort and money on Coco's PSLE.

I have taken no-pay leave and given up my pay and bonuses for her PSLE. William could have used the time he coached Coco to have a few more classes and earned more money. For this PSLE, we have sacrificed tangibly and intangibly.

We would have been sorely disappointed if she did not do well enough to get into a good girls' school.

We may say that how others look at us does not matter, but we did have this fear that we would be laughed at - by colleagues who might think that my no-pay leave had not been worth it, by my parents and sisters who had advised me not to take no-pay leave as a student's attitude is the determining factor in her studies, by friends and people we know who said that travelling so far to a brand-name school is silly and in vain. And we know that the laughing-at would last for a long time.


For all the vile effects and impacts I have listed, there are many parents out there experiencing them because their child did not do well.

PSLE is such a high-stake exam. Not just for the next milestone in a child's academic journey, but the comments and the looks that others give you which probably mean more.

It breaks my heart to see a crushed child being half-carried away by his brow-knitted father out of the school quickly upon receiving the results. The father was protecting his child from the happy crowd which was celebrating their children's good results, literally, emotionally, spritually. I was too selfish and wicked to show my emotions when I saw Coco's score.

The mothers on kiasuparents forum shared how crushed they felt when their children did not do well. They cried in their own room while their children cried in theirs. They doubt themselves, doubt their methods of training their children for PSLE. They have to think up alternative schools for their children. They think about how to appeal to their school of choice.

It's not easy. PSLE is so high-stake that, I dare say, every parent who is academically-aware treats it as a be-all-and-end-all, no matter what the Prime Minister says on his facebook.

Just like what William told Coco the night before the results were released,"It's not the end of the world if you don't do well. Study hard when you get into secondary school."

Coco asked,"Then why did you tell me it's the end of the world if I don't do well (before PSLE)?"

They are only twelve.

We know and we know that this is 'only' one exam in their life, but the system has made it such that this 'one exam' is an all-important one, such that it either paves the way for your future or makes the course ahead more challenging.

If I never had a child, I certainly would factor PSLE in as a consideration before I get pregnant. Up till now, I deem it as the most stressful thing in parenting.

My PSLE takeaway

PSLE ended, officially, yesterday, with Higher Mother Tongue as the last paper.

The biggest takeaway I have from this PSLE preparation is how callous children can be, for the sake of demoralising other children, whom they probably view as 'rivals' or 'enemies' all of a sudden.

Suddenly, everybody is a composition expert, dooming their friends' English Paper One by commenting that their friends have written a 'ridiculous' storyline, or that their stories are 'out of point'.

Suddenly, everybody is super-clever, because every single paper is 'super easy'.

William had a student who is the top boy in one of Hokkien Huay Kuan schools. He was worried that he might have gone out of point for his Chinese Oral Conversation. When he voiced his worry to his classmate, the girl who went in after him for the Oral Exam told him that she heard the examiners discussing his marks, and agreed that he should get 38/50 as he had gone out of point for the Conversation segment.

For weeks, the boy was affected. He was worried that it was true. Fortunately, the boy was accepted into a choice school via DSA so he could do his PSLE without further worries.

I thought that must be an isolated case since the girl must have viewed the boy as a rival.

How wrong was I!

When Coco told her friends that she wrote about a plane crashing into the library building which resulted in an explosion and fire, they commented that the story was 'ridiculous' and that she was 'going to fail'.

She was so affected that she cried just before her English Paper Two.

And she didn't tell me until after her Maths paper the next day.

I asked her to tell me how she wrote it, and upon hearing the way it was written, I assured her that it was alright, and that the language expression is more important than the actual storyline itself.

I had come across more ridiculous stories and did not fail those stories for even Content, much less the whole story.

Then when I went into kiasuparents forum, quite a few children or parents were worried that their compositions or their children's compositions could be out of point, with some being told by the children's friends that theirs were indeed out of point.

I got so riled up that I had to log in to say that the story was perfect for the title. Who are those people to comment that others' stories are out of point?

I am just very disheartened that children these days can be so callous. I am sure for the same kind of worry, children twenty years ago would have comforted or assured their friends that it was 'creative' or at least 'alright' instead of attacking their friends' morale and demoralising them for the remaining papers.

Did their parents teach them such 'tactics' or 'strategies'?

Didn't their parents teach them not to open their mouth if nothing good is going to come out of their mouth?

What sort of parents do they have - I genuinely wonder?

Nothing could have prepared me for this. What kind of generation are we raising? For the sake of their own benefits, they emotionally attack the meeker peers. What happened to the friendship they share on normal days?

I shudder to think what would happen when these children grow up.