Hope for the baby

Last night, I got this earache which woke me up from my sleep. Sometimes I do get earache, but usually it doesn't last for so long and it gets better after I adjust my sleeping position.

It scares me. I'm afraid that I might become deaf in time to come. I even imagined the doctor asking me to make a choice between having the baby or saving my ear.

But as usual, William says 'it's nothing'. You'd think I must have been crazy to marry this man, but he was totally the opposite before we were married. He would get uptight over every little thing that happened to me and Coco. He would source for all possible help to relieve us of any inconvenience, not to mention pain. But now, he just can't be bothered. Like the time when I had something hidden in my sole, and he insisted there was nothing too.

I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him after he insisted that there's nothing wrong with my ear because 'it happens to him too'.

It's one thing to be a big-picture person, like what they always say men are, and another to be uncaring about your wife.

I don't know how I can spend the rest of my life with him.

My tummy has become visibly smaller by the day. I'm not sure what to make of this. Up till now, I haven't talked to the baby yet. I don't know what to tell the baby. There's nothing good about the father that I can talk to her about. There's no good life that she can look forward to when she's born. And she will not have her parents around for her as a baby because they need to slog for a living. Or maybe she knows that she needs to remain small so that her mother can continue to work hard at home and in school.

William has been telling me that his grandfather will loan him $50k to clear all his debts. But I find it unbelievable that he has not gone to get the cheque from the grandfather yet, if it is true. Which man in his right mind would continue to sit on his debts with a 24% interest per annum if there's help? He has grossly underestimated my intelligence.

With a husband who cannot manage finances, and cannot be trusted with money, what hope is there for a marriage?

I hope to look for a good home for the baby.