Good Mothers Bad Mothers

Back in Malaysia last week, I was warming up the breastmilk when my cousin's wife saw it and she told me how 'stupid' a mother she had been. She said that she warmed up her milk and gave it to her baby without checking the temperature. As it turned out, the milk wasn't sufficiently warmed and her baby suffered inflammation of intestines. She only knew it after he passed out black stool and they took him to a doctor.

During those 2 days, I'd observed that she's a meticulous and loving mother. She was a typical, classic loving and gentle mother to her child. I'd commented,"You look like a typical mother." and she quickly retorted,"No. I make the worst mother on the face of this earth."

It set me thinking about how I used to blame myself for everything that's turned out not-so-good on Coco. It also dawned on me on how good mothers are usually the ones who feel guilty while the lousy ones don't feel a thing towards their own children, much less feel bad.

We feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed our babies, or stopping breastfeeding, since there are mothers who breastfeed for 2 or 3 years. We feel guilty about not being there for our children when we have to work full-time to earn money to support them. We feel guilty when our children suffer setbacks. We feel guilty when our children get the hereditary asthma which comes with eczema.

How about the bad mothers?

A Japanese mother left her 6-year-old with a few tens to look after her twin babies for more than 10 days while she went gallivanting with her boyfriend and gave the lousy excuse that she was sick of taking care of children and wanted to get away from all this. When one of the twins died of starvation, covered with faeces and vomit, while the other suffered from dehydration, she put the blame on the poor 6-year-old son. The son actually said,"My mother says I'm responsible ..."

A British mother allowed her 17-month-old toddler to be tortured to death by her boyfriend while she msned on her computer. She allowed the child to starve. He had to rush to pick up breadcrumbs left by other kids to 'fill' his stomach. When that's not enough, he ate the soil in the garden.

Another Caucasian mother (I didn't read the details as it's too cruel) joined her boyfriend in beating her 2-year-old toddler to death just because the little girl forgot to say 'please' and 'thank you' to the boyfriend. The toddler had reached out to the mother and said,"I love you." to try to stop the beating. But they didn't bother.

What about all these lousy mothers?

They really deserve to die and burn in hell. Instead of protecting their children, they joined hands with their cruel boyfriends to torture and murder their own flesh and blood.

It may be a loser's mentality, but I try not to feel guilty towards Coco on many counts although I'm doing it not-so-well, like the times when she goes to school without breakfast. I think about these mothers and tell myself that there're worse mothers out there and it's not as if I deliberately deprive her of her breakfasts.

I try very hard to give her whatever I can afford. I don't force her to do things that she hates. I try to coach her in her studies despite my impatience. I try very hard to suppress my 'tsk's when she doesn't know how to answer a question.

It was inconceivable for me whenever I read those sob-sob stories about how mothers had to prostitute themselves for the sake of their children. Subconsciously, I felt that these women actually don't mind being prostitutes and children's livelihood is merely a glorified excuse. After all, they could work as blue-collar workers (if they are not very educated) and take up 2 or 3 jobs if they really want.

Now that I'm a mother, I can understand these women's mentality and what goes through their mind. I can do anything for my babies as long as they don't end up like me. I want to give them a good life. By 'a good life', it means not scraping at the bottom of the barrel. It means to enjoy good, quality material things, to have a future with hope, to be able to realise their dreams and that's the least a parent could do for his or her children.

Good mothers don't deserve to make to feel less than they are. They don't deserve to feel bad or guilty after all that they have done. Good mothers deserve a break.