After the last post, I went into the bedroom, trying very hard to sleep.
I covered my head with the blanket, closed my eyes hard, and tried to fall asleep.
Sleep is a strange thing. The harder you try at it, the more you can't get it.
I woke up to play Bejeweled, but found myself thinking of Coco's plight, and how it came to all these. I reflected on the hurts within me, the insecurities I feel about this marriage and how it is affecting the way I live, the way I educate Coco, the way I talk to William.
I am doing the part-time job because I feel insecure about losing my full-time. Unlike my friends who stay at home to look after their only child, I don't have a husband who brings home enough bread to support Coco and me.
I don't have anyone to co-save with me. I have only myself to depend on for old age. So I save hard, and to save hard, I need to earn enough for savings as well as for spending.
I am treating Coco so harshly because I have this great fear of having my effort wasted. I know I should not have told Coco this, but I was so disheartened I told her that I have staked my doomed future happiness on this marriage. I don't want to see my years invested in this unhappy marriage wasted. The least that she could do was to get into a good secondary school because a large part of why I married William had to do with her primary school education, which was a headstart for her.
My elder sister recorded and played my talk while I was on the phone with William, so all the audience could hear was what I said to William. My nephew guessed that I was talking to William. He said that I only talked that way when I talked to him. It sounded horrible. I kept scolding him "Crazy! You are crazy!" and my tone was foreign to even myself. Do I really talk like that? Like a shrew? Yikes!
But I guess I really speak like a boorish shrew when I talk to William. I have no respect for him, the man I gave my word to honour at the altar.
I was chatting with a chatfriend earlier on. William read that he was looking for an accommodation in Singapore. He blurted out his grouses when I remarked that most girls who enjoy a happy marriage seem to have a similar pattern - they are plain-looking but their husbands are much better-looking. He said,"Because such men will look for plain-looking wives, knowing that the not-so-plain ones will look for other men outside marriages, and it makes life easier for themselves!" He proposed that we divorce the moment my chatfriend comes to Singapore.
I kept quiet. Not because I was speechless. Not because I felt guilty. I just don't want to fight, at that moment.
I only feel that it's a fair exchange - if I work so hard for my keeps, I should also have the right to pursue my own happiness. And if I can't find that happiness within my own marriage, why should I bury myself in a marriage doomed for a divorce, when the husband is a gambler? You like to gamble, I won't check on you. Go ahead. But you have no right to stop me from finding another man to love, because you have given up your right to when you decided not to work at building a marriage with me.
A marriage is hard work. But he doesn't seem to know that. Since our ideals are different, I'll just do my thing and you'll do yours. I won't interfere with yours, so you don't intervene with mine either.
Tears flow. Not because I feel heartached for this long-gone marriage. I am reminiscing about the woman who so wanted to have a simple and happy marriage, and have a complete family for her child.
He said that I wanted something extraordinary, that's why I am pursuing another relationship. How ironical is that! I just want to have a simple and happy relationship. I just want to remain sane. I don't know how others remain sane in a loveless and respect-less marriage.
I asked myself if I still love him. And I know that I can no longer love him. The love I had for him were wasted away. Love and respect for a man go together. Without respect, how can I love him? And he has eroded that respect I had for him before marriage.
He is angry that I am spending his money on expensive meals. How else can I feel like a married woman if not for the digging out of his money for something?
I think about what would happen if we divorce. Actually, it would be for the better - for the kids, and us. I wouldn't feel so frustrated within. I wouldn't feel so terribly insecure and uncertain - isn't that what a marriage should be - to provide a sense of security and eliminate uncertainties? I wouldn't feel so shortchanged as a legally bound woman. I wouldn't feel so cheated after marriage, and continue to be cheated in the marriage. I wouldn't treat Coco so harshly. I would treat her more humanely because I would have been free from this set of shackles.
Is that why my favourite authoress refuses to get married? Because she knows that most marriages go down the ugly route?
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Mother Forgets
I can't sleep.
I walked into Coco's room. Saw her Nokia handphone on her table. I picked it up and pressed on 'Sent Items'.
A message sent to one of her best friends read 'Can chat? Thinking of commit suicide'.
The friend didn't reply. The call history didn't show a chat either.
It was Sunday. The day I screamed at her and rained a cane on her.
She spent an hour on a Chinese composition and didn't finish it. She was doing another Chinese assignment.
I jumped and screamed at her like a mad woman, and beat her all over.
She finished it after another thirty minutes, but she took another 2 hours to edit and copy it out. Close to 4 hours spent on a Chinese compo.
I told her she would not have been able to finish writing a compo under exam condition.
I have been harsh on her.
The part-time job wears me out. And having two jobs that keep me teaching makes teaching or coaching my own kid the last thing I want to do when I reach home.
And I don't have time with her. The fact that she wastes time on Saturdays irks me immensely. I get very irritable at the slightest mistake she makes.
I have two more weeks to go before I am free from the part-time job. I worry that the damages done within the weeks I was away from Coco are irrepairable.
The part-time job was meant to be a gateway for me to make an exit from my full-time.
But before I could hold out till I quit my full-time, its cons have outweighed every little benefit it could possibly give me.
I'm so sorry, Coco.
You're the best gift ever in my life, but I have not given you the best.
I walked into Coco's room. Saw her Nokia handphone on her table. I picked it up and pressed on 'Sent Items'.
A message sent to one of her best friends read 'Can chat? Thinking of commit suicide'.
The friend didn't reply. The call history didn't show a chat either.
It was Sunday. The day I screamed at her and rained a cane on her.
She spent an hour on a Chinese composition and didn't finish it. She was doing another Chinese assignment.
I jumped and screamed at her like a mad woman, and beat her all over.
She finished it after another thirty minutes, but she took another 2 hours to edit and copy it out. Close to 4 hours spent on a Chinese compo.
I told her she would not have been able to finish writing a compo under exam condition.
I have been harsh on her.
The part-time job wears me out. And having two jobs that keep me teaching makes teaching or coaching my own kid the last thing I want to do when I reach home.
And I don't have time with her. The fact that she wastes time on Saturdays irks me immensely. I get very irritable at the slightest mistake she makes.
I have two more weeks to go before I am free from the part-time job. I worry that the damages done within the weeks I was away from Coco are irrepairable.
The part-time job was meant to be a gateway for me to make an exit from my full-time.
But before I could hold out till I quit my full-time, its cons have outweighed every little benefit it could possibly give me.
I'm so sorry, Coco.
You're the best gift ever in my life, but I have not given you the best.
Sunday, 10 April 2011
I Quit
I have tendered my resignation at the tuition centre.
It has proven to take a toll on quite a few things:
1) Coco is slacking in her studies.
She does not do a thing for 8 hours on Saturday. If she ever does, it is practising her piano for 10 to 15 minutes and do half a topic of Maths from an assessment book.
2) I am very tired.
I have a full-time job, a part-time job, and am a mother to two kids. I feel torn apart and me-not-enough. I am close to dead every Saturday. I keep visualising that I would plonk into a bed if one were to appear right in front of me, no matter where I am.
Last week, I had so many things on my mind I didn't realise I'd missed my train stop. And I almost alighted at the wrong stop - I stood up getting ready to alight, then I asked myself if that was really the stop I ought to drop at and it wasn't. Just yesterday, I almost missed another stop because I was thinking of Coco and job stuff again, plus fatigue.
3) I don't have time for just about anything else
I don't take pictures anymore. I don't read to my kids anymore. I struggle to find time to do my things for my full-time job. I don't go for Saturday breakfasts anymore.
I was hoping to quit as soon as possible, but the centre insisted that I give a month's notice, so I am left with 2 more weeks to hold out.
'Hold out' - I feel like I am 'holding out' for the major things in my life - I am holding this marriage out. I am holding my full-time job out. I don't know how long I can hold out for.
I thought I was the only one 'holding out' at this job, until I read a blog of someone in the same line. She replied her friend that she had changed the environment but did not know how long she can hold out for.
Yeah, I wonder how pathetic it has become. Everyone's simply holding out. Every day, people who sit around me say,"Very tired." It's every single day that you feel 'tired'. Isn't that amazing? Yet it's true. I attended the business sharing, and the guy said 'Go beyond what's expected of you'. You know, teachers do love to go beyond what's expected of them - in the teaching arena, not the administrative or programme-running or logistics arena.
I still remember how my colleagues and I would stay till 8pm or 9pm in school, till the school cleaner had to chase us out, and being chided by a PE Head about how 'inconsiderate' we were (for delaying the home-going time of the cleaner), just to do stuff related to teaching - mark books, decorate classrooms, creating teaching resources.
But we are not willing to spend that same amount of time doing things that take us away from teaching, and of course, marking. And we are seen as 'not willing to go beyond our teaching duties'.
'Why has teaching become such a long-hour job?' a part-time colleague asked me, rhetorically. She was glad that she was not a permanent teacher now.
I can't sleep sometimes because of the amount of work I have to complete before a certain deadline. I worry that I do not have time to meet the different demands of the different programmes and Heads within the same curriculum time.
Just last Monday, I was supposed to have 4 free intermitten periods for me to do my administrative work:
For remedial class
print remedial worksheets, print teacher's copies for a colleague and myself, laminate and cut out teaching resources
For Science Head
give out consent forms to students from five different classes and explain to them separately on what they were in for and what to do
For my Head
type out a weekly lesson plan
However, I often have to take on at least 1 relief period on Monday, and the assembly period always ate into my free period. I felt stressed that I might be left with just 2 free periods to do my stuff and I could not sleep.
Fortunately, by some divine intervention it seemed, I did not get a relief period to do, the assembly period ended almost just on time (the first time this year!), I managed to do my weekly lesson plan within 20 to 30 minutes (been a long time since I could do that!), and I had a trainee to cover a one-period lesson for me. And I realised that those 5 free periods was just nice to cover my administrative work.
I shudder to think what could happen if I did not have a trainee to free me of that one precious period.
I wake up early on weekends because I am very troubled by work - the first thing on my mind when I wake up is: I better get those worksheets designed and the lesson plan out, on top of the powerpoint slides and resources. I don't have time to do them on Monday and I need them on Tuesday.
I am not sure if others who have jobs of an equivalent pay go through the same grinding process.
A colleague whose kid goes to one of the better secondary girls' schools shared that the teachers don't teach. They flash the questions on the screen and asked the girls to do them. After that, they flash the answers on the screen and ask them to mark their work themselves.
For CCA, the teachers appear at the beginning of the session to take their attendance, and they disappear for the next 2 hours because they have senior students to take over the CCA. They only reappear at 5pm to dismiss the students.
... ...
I can only blame myself for not studying hard when I was in school.
It has proven to take a toll on quite a few things:
1) Coco is slacking in her studies.
She does not do a thing for 8 hours on Saturday. If she ever does, it is practising her piano for 10 to 15 minutes and do half a topic of Maths from an assessment book.
2) I am very tired.
I have a full-time job, a part-time job, and am a mother to two kids. I feel torn apart and me-not-enough. I am close to dead every Saturday. I keep visualising that I would plonk into a bed if one were to appear right in front of me, no matter where I am.
Last week, I had so many things on my mind I didn't realise I'd missed my train stop. And I almost alighted at the wrong stop - I stood up getting ready to alight, then I asked myself if that was really the stop I ought to drop at and it wasn't. Just yesterday, I almost missed another stop because I was thinking of Coco and job stuff again, plus fatigue.
3) I don't have time for just about anything else
I don't take pictures anymore. I don't read to my kids anymore. I struggle to find time to do my things for my full-time job. I don't go for Saturday breakfasts anymore.
I was hoping to quit as soon as possible, but the centre insisted that I give a month's notice, so I am left with 2 more weeks to hold out.
'Hold out' - I feel like I am 'holding out' for the major things in my life - I am holding this marriage out. I am holding my full-time job out. I don't know how long I can hold out for.
I thought I was the only one 'holding out' at this job, until I read a blog of someone in the same line. She replied her friend that she had changed the environment but did not know how long she can hold out for.
Yeah, I wonder how pathetic it has become. Everyone's simply holding out. Every day, people who sit around me say,"Very tired." It's every single day that you feel 'tired'. Isn't that amazing? Yet it's true. I attended the business sharing, and the guy said 'Go beyond what's expected of you'. You know, teachers do love to go beyond what's expected of them - in the teaching arena, not the administrative or programme-running or logistics arena.
I still remember how my colleagues and I would stay till 8pm or 9pm in school, till the school cleaner had to chase us out, and being chided by a PE Head about how 'inconsiderate' we were (for delaying the home-going time of the cleaner), just to do stuff related to teaching - mark books, decorate classrooms, creating teaching resources.
But we are not willing to spend that same amount of time doing things that take us away from teaching, and of course, marking. And we are seen as 'not willing to go beyond our teaching duties'.
'Why has teaching become such a long-hour job?' a part-time colleague asked me, rhetorically. She was glad that she was not a permanent teacher now.
I can't sleep sometimes because of the amount of work I have to complete before a certain deadline. I worry that I do not have time to meet the different demands of the different programmes and Heads within the same curriculum time.
Just last Monday, I was supposed to have 4 free intermitten periods for me to do my administrative work:
For remedial class
print remedial worksheets, print teacher's copies for a colleague and myself, laminate and cut out teaching resources
For Science Head
give out consent forms to students from five different classes and explain to them separately on what they were in for and what to do
For my Head
type out a weekly lesson plan
However, I often have to take on at least 1 relief period on Monday, and the assembly period always ate into my free period. I felt stressed that I might be left with just 2 free periods to do my stuff and I could not sleep.
Fortunately, by some divine intervention it seemed, I did not get a relief period to do, the assembly period ended almost just on time (the first time this year!), I managed to do my weekly lesson plan within 20 to 30 minutes (been a long time since I could do that!), and I had a trainee to cover a one-period lesson for me. And I realised that those 5 free periods was just nice to cover my administrative work.
I shudder to think what could happen if I did not have a trainee to free me of that one precious period.
I wake up early on weekends because I am very troubled by work - the first thing on my mind when I wake up is: I better get those worksheets designed and the lesson plan out, on top of the powerpoint slides and resources. I don't have time to do them on Monday and I need them on Tuesday.
I am not sure if others who have jobs of an equivalent pay go through the same grinding process.
A colleague whose kid goes to one of the better secondary girls' schools shared that the teachers don't teach. They flash the questions on the screen and asked the girls to do them. After that, they flash the answers on the screen and ask them to mark their work themselves.
For CCA, the teachers appear at the beginning of the session to take their attendance, and they disappear for the next 2 hours because they have senior students to take over the CCA. They only reappear at 5pm to dismiss the students.
... ...
I can only blame myself for not studying hard when I was in school.
Monday, 4 April 2011
Troubled. Sleepless
I am troubled by a few things and tried as I might, I could not get to sleep:
1) preparation of a lesson plan for a lesson observation
2) the lack of time for both my kids
3) Coco's coming exam and her piano exam
4) Coco's wrong method of playing the piano and her refusal to change
5) my stroke-stricken English Boss
6) how I can ever get out of the vicious cycle of not having enough time with my kids
I keep telling myself I ought to be grateful that I have a job and have a stable income, but yet, I am not exactly happy.
It's 3.30am.
1) preparation of a lesson plan for a lesson observation
2) the lack of time for both my kids
3) Coco's coming exam and her piano exam
4) Coco's wrong method of playing the piano and her refusal to change
5) my stroke-stricken English Boss
6) how I can ever get out of the vicious cycle of not having enough time with my kids
I keep telling myself I ought to be grateful that I have a job and have a stable income, but yet, I am not exactly happy.
It's 3.30am.
Sunday, 3 April 2011
So cute
My mother told me about this cute incident a few days ago when she took Baby to my sister's place after a 20-minute walk.
Upon reaching my sister's place, my mother felt really hot after the walk under the sun.
She was about to take a bath when she saw, to her horror, that Baby took off her own blouse and shorts.
She asked Baby, totally surprised,"Baby! Why do you take off your clothes?!!"
Baby replied,"Popo (Grandma), I am hot (我很烧)!"
My mother could not stop laughing.
Upon reaching my sister's place, my mother felt really hot after the walk under the sun.
She was about to take a bath when she saw, to her horror, that Baby took off her own blouse and shorts.
She asked Baby, totally surprised,"Baby! Why do you take off your clothes?!!"
Baby replied,"Popo (Grandma), I am hot (我很烧)!"
My mother could not stop laughing.
A Fruitful Experience Sharing Session
I went for a free business sharing by this apparently popular guy, Hart, on Clubsnap forum. I wouldn't really call it a 'business sharing' though. It was more of sharing about experiences in photography business.
He does offer a course in business sharing, teaching you how to set up a photography business step by step, but I am not sure if this is really what I want and have doubts about how useful a course like that is, so I jumped at the chance at this FREE sharing - to see the sensitive and new age guy in person as well as to have a glimpse of how the paid sharing might go.
It was in a fairly small one-storey shophouse.
I was about 5 minutes late and when I tried pushing in the door (because the gadget that looked like a doorbell failed), the guy just opened the door and there the audience and main sharer were, seated in a couch and chairs right at the doorstep, because that was how small the studio was.
The session started at 7pm and was slated to end at 10pm. The sharer spoke and shared so much about his own views and personal experiences that it went on to 11pm and had not ended yet! I would very much love to stay on, but on top of being a little tired (my day started at 6am and work ended at 5.45pm), I had unreceived calls by my mother, a friend and William. I didn't want them to get too worried about me not picking up the phone. So I had to be rude and interrupted the sharing so that I could go.
The characteristics of a successful photographer
It was a fruitful trip nonetheless. I am intrigued by the Indonesian-Chinese sharer. He looks and sounds similar to Sean Lau, another photographer I took up a package with. They both speak softly, even-tonedly, phlegmatically, and are good with words.
For the record, he charges at least $1000 for a photoshoot and does not sell soft copies. He has 300 clients every year. He dumped every dollar he earned in his first 10 months in Singapore into a studio, and covered the $2k monthly rental for the whole year within 1.5 months. That is $24k in 1.5 months, on top of his other family commitment. How do you like that?
How he started out
He said he didn't have anyone asking him to take pictures for. He was the only one who liked his own pictures. He shared about how he used to work as a retoucher. He had only 5 hours to learn to retouch and after that he was on his own.
He was required to come to work at 8.30am and submit the finished product at 12pm. He came to work at 4am instead to do his work because he was unfamiliar with the work at first. Then he gradually came to work at 4.30am, 5am, 5.30am, and eventually, he came to work at 8.30am and finished by 10.30am.
The bottomline of the story was: go beyond what your employer expect of you. Do more than what is required.
He came to Singapore end 2007 knowing not a single soul, and started out shooting outdoor. A year later, he acquired a rented studio, but he still shoots outdoor mostly to date.
His image
He is very insightful and sensitive with his words. Like a thoughtful female inside.
And he knew just how others look at him. There was an outing organised just for him. He went. And the crowd was surprised to see how he looked like, because everybody was expecting a tall, blonde, handsome, well-built guy, but he looked every bit a Singaporean guy - short, fat (in his own word), capable of speaking Singlish just like everybody else.
He explained that his ability to converse fluently in Singlish was due to the time spent with Singaporean friends during his overseas studies in Sydney. He spent 12 years in Australia and roots himself in Singapore since 2007 after his brother's death.
He is concerned with even his online image. He would read what he wants to post over and over again, before he actually posts. I guess that really works, because most people who attended the sharing wanted to see him for who he was, and that included me.
His fall-back plan
He shared that he did not have a fall-back plan.
He told his friends he wanted to do family and children portrait, and wanted high-end customers who pay at least $1k for his service. They told him no one had ever done that and it was impossible to survive as a children photographer.
He did it anyway, because he believed that he could do it. And he did.
He shared the drawbacks on having a fall-back plan:
1) When you feel tired and have a shoot the next day, you tell yourself you have a full-time job anyway and don't have to be so hard on yourself.
2) When a client is difficult or unreasonable, you tell yourself you have a full-time job and do not have to take this kinda nonsense.
When you don't have a fall-back plan, you have to make things work, do or die.
How he designed his package
He said he took out whatever he himself didn't like in his package:
1) number of people
2) amount of time
He said he had people asking him how much he charged for extra people and he thought it strange because it does not make a difference how many people there are. He thought about why other photographers do that, and he could only derive at the answer that it was to earn more.
Someone asked how he cut off the time with a client if he does not put a cap to the time spent with a client.
He gave an example: He tells his client,"9am would be too hot for your child. We will start at 8am."
The dense me didn't understand - some people actually don't mind the heat, you know? He elaborated that the customer himself would start asking,"Are you hot? Do you want a drink?" at 9am and beyond, and the child would start to be restless and uncomfortable. The customer would want the photography session to end anyway.
I am not sure if that really would work for me, someone who doesn't talk well.
A People Person
He is very communicative and is very good at linking ideas. He said that he is a people person, and it is easy to see why. He just has this very relaxed and no-intention look about him and his tone when he talks. I don't know how he does it.
He said that he had a friend who told him this,"Every word that comes out of your mouth is negative. Change it."
His take was: if someone bothers to tell you something for your own good, you better shut up and listen.
From then on, he changes his speech, his words and naturally, his thought, eg. instead of using the word 'problems', he uses 'challenges'.
I thought it a wake-up call for me too. I was surprised to hear that from a positive thinker and speaker. How can someone who oozes positivities be someone who spoke negative? Can this be possible?
People Photography
He and another veteran photographer shared that of all photographies, children photography is the hardest.
They cry all the time. Refused to be photographed etc.
I hear that all the time, but haven't tried it yet. Of course, the only ones I take pictures of are my kids and nephews. I cajoled Baby with a tiny teddy and threatened my nephews with 'no play' so that they let me take their pictures. Threatening sure won't work with others' kids. Haha ...
He said that teenagers are the hardest to take pictures of, especially the seventeens, because 'they want to look beautiful, but do not want to talk to you'. I thought,"Isn't that just what they are - want to look beautiful, yet aloof to others outside their world?"
I had a whale of a time listening to the rich experiences and sharing. I was just like a sponge, totally doused, and immersed in an environment I enjoyed.
He does offer a course in business sharing, teaching you how to set up a photography business step by step, but I am not sure if this is really what I want and have doubts about how useful a course like that is, so I jumped at the chance at this FREE sharing - to see the sensitive and new age guy in person as well as to have a glimpse of how the paid sharing might go.
It was in a fairly small one-storey shophouse.
I was about 5 minutes late and when I tried pushing in the door (because the gadget that looked like a doorbell failed), the guy just opened the door and there the audience and main sharer were, seated in a couch and chairs right at the doorstep, because that was how small the studio was.
The session started at 7pm and was slated to end at 10pm. The sharer spoke and shared so much about his own views and personal experiences that it went on to 11pm and had not ended yet! I would very much love to stay on, but on top of being a little tired (my day started at 6am and work ended at 5.45pm), I had unreceived calls by my mother, a friend and William. I didn't want them to get too worried about me not picking up the phone. So I had to be rude and interrupted the sharing so that I could go.
The characteristics of a successful photographer
It was a fruitful trip nonetheless. I am intrigued by the Indonesian-Chinese sharer. He looks and sounds similar to Sean Lau, another photographer I took up a package with. They both speak softly, even-tonedly, phlegmatically, and are good with words.
For the record, he charges at least $1000 for a photoshoot and does not sell soft copies. He has 300 clients every year. He dumped every dollar he earned in his first 10 months in Singapore into a studio, and covered the $2k monthly rental for the whole year within 1.5 months. That is $24k in 1.5 months, on top of his other family commitment. How do you like that?
How he started out
He said he didn't have anyone asking him to take pictures for. He was the only one who liked his own pictures. He shared about how he used to work as a retoucher. He had only 5 hours to learn to retouch and after that he was on his own.
He was required to come to work at 8.30am and submit the finished product at 12pm. He came to work at 4am instead to do his work because he was unfamiliar with the work at first. Then he gradually came to work at 4.30am, 5am, 5.30am, and eventually, he came to work at 8.30am and finished by 10.30am.
The bottomline of the story was: go beyond what your employer expect of you. Do more than what is required.
He came to Singapore end 2007 knowing not a single soul, and started out shooting outdoor. A year later, he acquired a rented studio, but he still shoots outdoor mostly to date.
His image
He is very insightful and sensitive with his words. Like a thoughtful female inside.
And he knew just how others look at him. There was an outing organised just for him. He went. And the crowd was surprised to see how he looked like, because everybody was expecting a tall, blonde, handsome, well-built guy, but he looked every bit a Singaporean guy - short, fat (in his own word), capable of speaking Singlish just like everybody else.
He explained that his ability to converse fluently in Singlish was due to the time spent with Singaporean friends during his overseas studies in Sydney. He spent 12 years in Australia and roots himself in Singapore since 2007 after his brother's death.
He is concerned with even his online image. He would read what he wants to post over and over again, before he actually posts. I guess that really works, because most people who attended the sharing wanted to see him for who he was, and that included me.
His fall-back plan
He shared that he did not have a fall-back plan.
He told his friends he wanted to do family and children portrait, and wanted high-end customers who pay at least $1k for his service. They told him no one had ever done that and it was impossible to survive as a children photographer.
He did it anyway, because he believed that he could do it. And he did.
He shared the drawbacks on having a fall-back plan:
1) When you feel tired and have a shoot the next day, you tell yourself you have a full-time job anyway and don't have to be so hard on yourself.
2) When a client is difficult or unreasonable, you tell yourself you have a full-time job and do not have to take this kinda nonsense.
When you don't have a fall-back plan, you have to make things work, do or die.
How he designed his package
He said he took out whatever he himself didn't like in his package:
1) number of people
2) amount of time
He said he had people asking him how much he charged for extra people and he thought it strange because it does not make a difference how many people there are. He thought about why other photographers do that, and he could only derive at the answer that it was to earn more.
Someone asked how he cut off the time with a client if he does not put a cap to the time spent with a client.
He gave an example: He tells his client,"9am would be too hot for your child. We will start at 8am."
The dense me didn't understand - some people actually don't mind the heat, you know? He elaborated that the customer himself would start asking,"Are you hot? Do you want a drink?" at 9am and beyond, and the child would start to be restless and uncomfortable. The customer would want the photography session to end anyway.
I am not sure if that really would work for me, someone who doesn't talk well.
A People Person
He is very communicative and is very good at linking ideas. He said that he is a people person, and it is easy to see why. He just has this very relaxed and no-intention look about him and his tone when he talks. I don't know how he does it.
He said that he had a friend who told him this,"Every word that comes out of your mouth is negative. Change it."
His take was: if someone bothers to tell you something for your own good, you better shut up and listen.
From then on, he changes his speech, his words and naturally, his thought, eg. instead of using the word 'problems', he uses 'challenges'.
I thought it a wake-up call for me too. I was surprised to hear that from a positive thinker and speaker. How can someone who oozes positivities be someone who spoke negative? Can this be possible?
People Photography
He and another veteran photographer shared that of all photographies, children photography is the hardest.
They cry all the time. Refused to be photographed etc.
I hear that all the time, but haven't tried it yet. Of course, the only ones I take pictures of are my kids and nephews. I cajoled Baby with a tiny teddy and threatened my nephews with 'no play' so that they let me take their pictures. Threatening sure won't work with others' kids. Haha ...
He said that teenagers are the hardest to take pictures of, especially the seventeens, because 'they want to look beautiful, but do not want to talk to you'. I thought,"Isn't that just what they are - want to look beautiful, yet aloof to others outside their world?"
I had a whale of a time listening to the rich experiences and sharing. I was just like a sponge, totally doused, and immersed in an environment I enjoyed.
A nice long sleep
I just woke up from a 12-hour sleep, with the intervention of lots of nonsense dreams no less.
The only ones I managed to recall are:
1) Zhang Hui Mei unveiled her non-existent MTV male lead to the crowd. He even had a name - 春林.
2) The MTV male lead was actually Jaclyn Tay's kept lover.
3) I lived together in a house with this kept lover, and he tried to get fresh with me. I felt so disgusted with the whole idea of Tay having a lover when she was married, and this lover was also unfaithful to her.
4) I was at a studio photography session (must be the session I just had last Sunday and the photography sharing session I just went to last Friday night). My camera had an external exposure adjustment gadget. And a guy who thought I had problems with it took it for repair when I did not ask for it. I had a hard time finding it back.
Phew! I woke up with a slight backache - a feeling you get for arching it back too much!
The only ones I managed to recall are:
1) Zhang Hui Mei unveiled her non-existent MTV male lead to the crowd. He even had a name - 春林.
2) The MTV male lead was actually Jaclyn Tay's kept lover.
3) I lived together in a house with this kept lover, and he tried to get fresh with me. I felt so disgusted with the whole idea of Tay having a lover when she was married, and this lover was also unfaithful to her.
4) I was at a studio photography session (must be the session I just had last Sunday and the photography sharing session I just went to last Friday night). My camera had an external exposure adjustment gadget. And a guy who thought I had problems with it took it for repair when I did not ask for it. I had a hard time finding it back.
Phew! I woke up with a slight backache - a feeling you get for arching it back too much!
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