Last day of 2009

I just didn't know how to account to myself on this blog, and that's why I haven't been blogging.

He transferred a bulk of his payout to me as a step to show that he'll let me hold the pursestring. In view of that, I have called off the lawyer's appointment, possibly tentatively. At the back of my mind, there's a voice that says,"You're going to divorce sooner or later, and you keep putting things off for a bastard. What's the matter with you?"

I just want to hold onto the last strand of hope that he's changing for the better, and this is a huge step that he's taken to show that he's sincere to want to make the marriage work. That's women for you. Hopelessly hopeful.

Sometimes he hides in the toilet for hours. I know he's smsing. Probably betting on soccer and exchanging information with his so-called friends.

His boss has remarked that he has a 'wrong belief system'. It shows up at his workplace, family and marriage. In short, his whole value and belief system is all wrong because of his self-centredness.

When a person is self-centred, he becomes the whole world, and he must be the priority on whatever list there is.

He doesn't know that his self-centredness and selfishness are the ones that cause his downfall.

It's no longer my business.

Perhaps I should learn to view infidelity in a new light. Whatever that's deem wrong by him, he's at it, in his warped little (reads: narrow) ways.

It's a new year tomorrow.

I want to change my ways.