Saturday 23 October 2010

Tiredness, unexplained

I have been feeling incredibly tired.

It is strange because I have never felt this way about marking.

For the past few days of marking, I would feel totally physically drained by the time I reached home. In fact, I would be already closing my eyes half-dozingly on my colleague's car and getting some rest on my way home.

By the time the clock struck 10, I would lie sprawled on the bed and be knocked out by then. I woke up at 6am the first day and second day, afraid that I would be late. I woke up at 5.30am on the third and fourth day and today, I woke up at 4.58am! I still feel kinda tired though.

I am not sure why. I keep asking myself the possible reasons for the exhaustion:

1) Was I tired out?
No. It was only marking. Even if it's vigorous marking, I have never felt this way before.

2) Is it age?
Could be, but it's only marking. I don't need to use my energy to stand, or scream or get angry or even suppressing anger. So why should I feel tired?

3) Is it depression?
Exhaustion is a sign of depression. After all that has happened to me at work, I wonder if depression could have hit me, unknowingly. Sometimes I feel that depression has become so much a part of my life that I am not aware that I am depressed.

4) Can I have some unknown sickness?
Given my age, and after listening and seeing all the unfortunate happenings to the people I know, I am starting to wonder if I could have some infirmities in me. I have read that extreme or constant fatigue is a sign of this and that cancer.

5) My mother's usual suspicion: are you pregnant?
Impossible. I am not Virgin Mary.

Even for yesterday, we finished marking at 8.30am, half an hour we started work. After that, we just hung around and waited for the release at 1.45pm.

When I got home, after collecting some dang dang books (China website) from a spree organiser at Bishan, I felt really tired and wanted to sleep. I rested and finished reading a new book before I took my baby to my sister's place, where my mother was. But by the time I reached the place, I was also very tired.

Some markers said that the waiting made them tired. One said she dozed off in her boyfriend's living room without realising it the previous day.

If there is really nothing wrong with my physical health, my only explanation for my constant exhaustion these few days was that it was too relaxed, compared to the all-day highly-strung stressful work in school. When you are constantly on the go and doing work all the time, thinking about things at work all the time, it can be a drastic change to tune your physio and physco modes to a slower pace.

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