Pushed over the limit

I replied the lawyer to confirm the facts I gave him in our last meeting after 3 weeks he emailed me.

Even up till that point, I was still trying to give him yet another last chance.

I was trying to see if he would really change.

Indeed, what we said about him came true. He handed me his money for a few instances. After that, no more.

His debts remained huge. I only managed to pay off $1000 to Standard Chartered in August. He promised to give me $2000 every 29th of the month. But no, he 'don't have the money'. Expectedly.

The last incident was the breakdown of the washing machine.

It's been two weeks since it broke down.

It's beyond repair.

He bought a second-hand washing machine. I was against it even before it came. I bought second-hand furniture because they were cheap and faults would be obvious to the naked eye. But I would not buy a second-hand electrical appliance because you never know how it was handled. And if it'd worked well, why would the owner sell it?

He insisted that the store was 'reputated' and the washing machine was a 'trade-in', so it would be in working condition.

But no. The washing machine didn't budge beyond the second stage.

I said,"I told you so." (Yeah, I know it's hated, but he never listens to his wife. So I had to say it.)

Then he got the man to replace something inside the washing machine and promised that it would work.

No still. It was still at the same fault.

Then the person promised him a cheap washing machine. I told him to get a refund.

All the while, I was handwashing my clothes. Already very frustrated.

Then he went down to the stores to look at the washing machines himself.

I just felt very ... sad, for a lack of better word, about our marriage.

I have been wanting to watch Julia Roberts' new show. But I don't have a company.

Which couple doesn't shop for a washing machine together?

We.

I asked myself why our marriage is in such a sad state?

The only answer I have: this is not a marriage.

A marriage without sex, money, love, trust, faith, good words, future ...

I asked myself if those two years of happiness during courtship had worth the many pains and agony I've gone through for these five years.

I asked myself if Coco going to a good school has been worth all my misery for marrying a jerk.

I had told myself I would put up with the loneliness of being a single mother when I decided to have Coco, but this loneliness and frustration of being married to a lousy husband has been absolutely tormenting. I asked myself if it's really the loneliness that I cannot handle, or is it the daily frustrations of being with such a man that is causing me to break down.

I feel that being married to him has hurt me in all ways, even in my job. I suspect that his bad reputation had reached the ears of the bitch or even my First Boss to make them feel that I deserve a D since he was a triple D case.

By divorcing him, I will lose the flat, and my home studio will never come true. I'll probably really have to slog in a job I hate forever. I know I might lose Baby since it'll be difficult for me to keep two kids.

Even so, I know, in my heart of hearts, the divorce has to be done. Sooner or later.