Domestic fight 2

I'm surprised I haven't got this on record. I always thought it's so dramatic I wouldn't miss blogging it.

William went into my yahoo messenger archives and read that I met up with my long-time chatfriend.

From then on, he was extremely insecure.

At first, he confronted me with a printout of my conversation with my chatfriend which spoke of our meetup.

I was surprised at myself.

In an attempt to mimic his response when I caught him betting on soccer, I said, with a nonchalant look,"I didn't do it."

He was surprised,"It's clearly you! How can you deny it?!!"

I continued to model after him,"It's not me! Why do you malign me?!!"

From there, I maintained that he'd maligned me and I never did do it, even though my yahoo id was evident on the printout.

It's exactly what he does when he's caught red-handed.

I never knew it felt so good saying those things,"It's not me! I didn't do it! Why do you malign me?"

:)

But a few days after that, when he read my handphone messages and realised that I had been smsing another chatfriend, he went into a frenzy (again).

He threw my sim card out of the window. Yes, right out of the window. At 12am. Midnight.

Coco saw where he threw it down from, and fortunately for me that I am living on the second floor, Coco soon found the sim card after searching for 10 to 15 minutes.

When I returned, I found that he had removed my handphone battery so that I cannot use my handphone. He also snatched my sim card from me and put it into his mouth.

Coco was quick-witted. She took his handphone and removed the sim card, and hid it so that he could not find it.

The next day, he took my handphone, using my sim card.

Subsequently, he deleted my long-time chatfriend's number, which I found out only after my chatfriend smsed me again.

When I told my chatfriend what William had done, he told me that William had gone online, using my yahoo id to chat with him, pretended to be me and tried to fish out information about our meetup.

Fortunately, my chatfriend was too intelligent for him. He could tell that it wasn't me and played a fool with him.

My chatfriend thought this is getting out of hand, and William is trying to ruin everything I have (although I think I have nothing to begin with), and that I should leave him so that I could at least live with some dignity.

Contrary to what some people think, I never intended to hurt William by meeting up with my chatfriend.

I have long passed the stage of meaning to hurt him.

I just want to do something to make myself happier, so that I don't feel like I'm rotting my life away. I feel that I had been too decent and nice all my life. And the decency and niceness have not done me any good or even justice. I am a divorcee, with kids. What have I done to deserve such a status? What have I done to deserve meeting jerks and bastards? Only one answer justifies my mess of a life: I had been too decent and nice.

I don't want to be decent and nice all my life, just to be bullied.

I want to be loved as well. I am just a very simple woman who, like any other ordinary women, wants to be loved, even if it's in temporal or superficial ways. I don't want to be bound by moralistic thinking anymore. I just want to make myself a bit happier. I have done much for the people around me. I just want to do something for myself, and they don't hurt anybody, perhaps only William. But it's not because he loves me that he feels hurt. He's hurt because his ego is hurt.

Back to what my chatfriend said - dignity. It's a big word to me. I haven't known this word ever since I knew my ex. I only recovered my dignity when I divorced him, only to lose it again after I married William.

He asked me why I don't leave William for good. I told him that I'm just sick and tired of trying to jump out of the frying pan, only to find that the next thing waiting for me is the fire.