Life being Unpredictable

I received an sms yesterday about my English Superior getting a stroke and was admitted to Tan Tock Seng Hospital's ICU (Intensive Care Unit).

I was shocked. She is only 32, or 33, and she's just delivered a baby boy two months ago.

How could anyone so young suffer from a stroke?

To me, 'stroke' is synonymous with 'old age', so it was inconceivable to me that someone who works closely with me had a stroke.

I was updated by a colleague today that she went through her second surgery tonight.

I still get goosebumps when I think about it.

It freaks me out.

All of a sudden, the unfortunate incident that has happened to me doesn't seem to be so significant anymore. I am just so glad that I am absolutely healthy, jumping about and am able to earn an income to support my kids, even if I leave the service, even if it means settling for a lower pay.

Suddenly, the urge to do something I like, instead of something I detest, seems to be of a much greater importance now, as of that moment.

The Superior has always been a very driven girl. She works very hard. She is very creative. She gets an A grade wherever she is placed. She is excellent in her CCA - she would think of ways to get awards, even if those awards seemed to be of no importance. When she was a Social Studies Subject Superior, she would think of ways and activities for the whole school to do.

When she first ascended to the Superior position last December, after the departure of the previous Superior, she worked her P5 and 6 English reps almost as hard as herself. A big part of the reason for me wanting to leave the place is also because I feel highly pressured by the workload ever since we are under her. The thought of redoing everything next year freaks me out.

It was so bad that the three of us hoped unanimously that she would come back as late in the year as possible, so that we didn't have to come up with anymore packages this year.

I hope that her suffering has nothing to do with what we innocently hoped.

William had asked one of his students' parent about the stroke and she said that women after delivery are prone to strokes because of blood clotting issues.

It reminded me of the time when I often had giddy spells during my confinement. In particular, I remember the time when I resolved not to let the giddy spell get the better of me by grabbing the table edge tightly when it happened again. I felt as if the whole room was spinning - I finally could understand what that meant. I used to think that it was a metaphor. I really felt as if I was being tossed in a giant ball that gains speed as it rolls down a slope. When the giddy wave ended, I opened my eyes and saw myself sitting tightly on a chair, my hands grabbing the table edge tightly. I thought I looked so silly.

Thinking back, that could have been a prelude to a stroke, although the doctor attributed it to low blood pressure, which accounted for my giddy spells during my pregnancy.

What happens to my Superior strikes me how unpredictable life is, as cliche as it sounds. She was doing so well, had risen so fast at such a young age, had an adorable son and a loving husband. She is a pretty mix-blood, has the gift of the gab and yet never neglect the feelings of small fry, like me. She is accomplished, yet humble. Yet such a misfortune has befallen her.

It also jolts me to think about the more important things in life. I wonder if it had happened to me, what would I have wished for myself to have done? I think I would wish to have done something I like.

I was exploring the possibility of going into some form of photography, and if it works out, go into business. I asked Coco about it, and at the same time told her that I probably would not get back the same pay as I now have, and precociously, she said,"I'd rather you do something you like."

How much more can I ask for, when I have a daughter like this?

For all that life has to offer, I can only pray that the Superior recover from her infirmity so that she can be well and about for her son again.