I haven't been blogging because I wanted to make up my mind about the marriage before I blog again.
I don't want to grumble and grumble without doing anything about the situation. I like to grumble for a while, but not all my life. I would despise myself for doing just that.
I went to a lawyer and he explained to me what 'Custody' and 'Care and Control' are about.
We always thought that 'custody' equates 'care and control', but they are two different matters actually.
'Custody' refers to the right to make major decisions ie. education, religion etc for the child. The lawyer gave a scenario: if the husband is the one who has the sole custody of the child, one day if the child meets with an accident and needs blood transfusion and the husband refuses to let it go through, the wife can't say anything about the mindless decision.
But generally, the court would propose joint custody as studies have shown that children under joint custody and get to see both parents on a regular basis grow up to be more 'balanced'.
'Care and control' refers to the daily care of the child.
So they mean two different things.
I told him that we'll get joint custody, and I want the care and control of the child, as I decided that if I don't get care and control of the child, I won't get any child's maintenance for the baby, and he won't save up for the baby. And I really don't have extra money for another kid, after the previous bastard dumped the baby on me.
A lot of dramas ensued.
He came to my parents' place and tried to take the baby. I called the police twice. Things got ugly. And the baby was scratched on her hand during one of the struggles. He was emotionally unstable while holding the baby. He screamed and jumped while holding her. And we snatched the baby back.
After a lot of smses, he promised me, yet again, that he'll repay his debts and hand all his money over to me so that I can apportion his pocket money, debt money and bill money for him.
Of course, the promises never materialise when I go back to him.
His grandfather called me today.
He said that William has not picked up his call ever since he loaned him $30k one year ago. He's very angry with him that he's so heartless towards someone who'd cared for and loved him for so many years.
William complained to him that he's been cheated by the contractor. The grandfather told him,"You're worse than the person who cheated you! Because you cheat even your own family."
William complained to him that my father punched him. The grandfather told him,"You deserve it! If you were here, I would have punched you too!"
He said that if he died today, some people would feel sad about his departure. But if William were to die, people probably would say,"It's punishment from God."
He said,"You're still so young. How can you live with a man like that - with no integrity - for another fifty or sixty years?"
I kept quiet and listened to all these.
I just feel so dead inside me. No emotion stirred.
I'm a dead person.
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Ridiculous and Rude Parents, Unappreciative Brats
Yesterday was Meet-the-Parent Day.
It's hard to believe that such rude and disrespectful parents exist, and it's a double shock when their kids are really nice kids. How could they have such parents?
One stupid mother actually kept stressing on the fact that 'If you are a GOOD teacher, you would ...'
She so GOOD. Come and teach lah!
If she's a GOOD mother, her kid wouldn't be scoring in the 50's range.
If she's a GOOD mother, she wouldn't insult her kids' teachers in front of them.
If she's a GOOD mother, she wouldn't enrol the kids into a neighbourhood school in the first place.
If she's a GOOD mother, she would model GOOD behaviour and GOOD words for her kids.
From my experience, usually kids with parents who despise teachers and make life difficult for teachers don't do well. Reason is simple: the kids no longer have respect for their teachers. Whatever the teacher teaches, it doesn't register because the kids have doubts about their teacher's capability.
If that's not stupidity, I don't know what is.
An idiotic father kept asking stupid questions ie. 'What is my son's compo mark?' when it's supposed to be confidential and I didn't have my marksheet with me, or 'P3's total mark is 300. How about P4, 5 and 6?'
I don't teach P4, 5 and 6, so I DON'T KNOW, ok?
And his retort? "Everything you also don't know don't know."
Then he said,"All SA papers are shared by 5 schools."
I said,"No."
He said,"You DON'T KNOW ah? How many years have you been in this school?"
I maintained that not all SA papers are cluster papers.
Then I decided to ask him to leave. I said with a straight face,"Other parents are waiting."
He ignored what I said and continued with his blabbering.
Then, about 30 minutes later, he said,"I need to work. I go first." meaning: I don't want to talk to you ok, not you don't want to talk to me.
If that's not an idiot, I don't know what is.
And he said,"Help my son to improve his English huh."
After insulting me for so long? Crazy.
Such parents only make teachers hate their kids.
Just because I'm here to teach doesn't mean that you're entitled to heap insults and shit on me. You want to throw shit at me, see who suffers in the end lah.
It's parents like these that make you feel that whatever you've done for the kids are in vain and it makes you feel STUPID and IDIOTIC to put in so much effort for the kids, when the parents don't even appreciate you. And not only do they not appreciate you, they let you eat shit.
I've been so STUPID. I haven't taken an MC ever since I came back to work. Even when I needed to take my own kids to the doc, I made sure it's a day that I spend the least with the students so that I don't waste my periods. Isn't that really IDIOTIC?
And the kids don't even appreciate what you've done for them. The setting up and constant updating of the blog is nothing to them. It's like I SHOULD do it.
When I took them to the computer lab to do a survey on teachers, they told me they clicked on "Strongly disagree" for "I hope my teacher will teach me next year." and other things about the teacher being fair, being motivating, teaching moral values.
I told them I don't even care or am interested in whether they like me or not.
It's true that I'm not doing all these to make them like me, but it's hard not to feel disappointed when you've been nice to a bunch of unappreciative kids.
They procrastinate on the things you ask them to do, but do everything properly for their Mother Tongue teacher who is harsh and fierce to them.
From today onwards, I'm not going to be gentle and nice towards them. I'll revert to my old fierce and unfriendly 'self' so that they all do my bidding. I've come to realise that these kids are no different from a class whose half of the kids fail - their attitude I mean.
It's hard to believe that such rude and disrespectful parents exist, and it's a double shock when their kids are really nice kids. How could they have such parents?
One stupid mother actually kept stressing on the fact that 'If you are a GOOD teacher, you would ...'
She so GOOD. Come and teach lah!
If she's a GOOD mother, her kid wouldn't be scoring in the 50's range.
If she's a GOOD mother, she wouldn't insult her kids' teachers in front of them.
If she's a GOOD mother, she wouldn't enrol the kids into a neighbourhood school in the first place.
If she's a GOOD mother, she would model GOOD behaviour and GOOD words for her kids.
From my experience, usually kids with parents who despise teachers and make life difficult for teachers don't do well. Reason is simple: the kids no longer have respect for their teachers. Whatever the teacher teaches, it doesn't register because the kids have doubts about their teacher's capability.
If that's not stupidity, I don't know what is.
An idiotic father kept asking stupid questions ie. 'What is my son's compo mark?' when it's supposed to be confidential and I didn't have my marksheet with me, or 'P3's total mark is 300. How about P4, 5 and 6?'
I don't teach P4, 5 and 6, so I DON'T KNOW, ok?
And his retort? "Everything you also don't know don't know."
Then he said,"All SA papers are shared by 5 schools."
I said,"No."
He said,"You DON'T KNOW ah? How many years have you been in this school?"
I maintained that not all SA papers are cluster papers.
Then I decided to ask him to leave. I said with a straight face,"Other parents are waiting."
He ignored what I said and continued with his blabbering.
Then, about 30 minutes later, he said,"I need to work. I go first." meaning: I don't want to talk to you ok, not you don't want to talk to me.
If that's not an idiot, I don't know what is.
And he said,"Help my son to improve his English huh."
After insulting me for so long? Crazy.
Such parents only make teachers hate their kids.
Just because I'm here to teach doesn't mean that you're entitled to heap insults and shit on me. You want to throw shit at me, see who suffers in the end lah.
It's parents like these that make you feel that whatever you've done for the kids are in vain and it makes you feel STUPID and IDIOTIC to put in so much effort for the kids, when the parents don't even appreciate you. And not only do they not appreciate you, they let you eat shit.
I've been so STUPID. I haven't taken an MC ever since I came back to work. Even when I needed to take my own kids to the doc, I made sure it's a day that I spend the least with the students so that I don't waste my periods. Isn't that really IDIOTIC?
And the kids don't even appreciate what you've done for them. The setting up and constant updating of the blog is nothing to them. It's like I SHOULD do it.
When I took them to the computer lab to do a survey on teachers, they told me they clicked on "Strongly disagree" for "I hope my teacher will teach me next year." and other things about the teacher being fair, being motivating, teaching moral values.
I told them I don't even care or am interested in whether they like me or not.
It's true that I'm not doing all these to make them like me, but it's hard not to feel disappointed when you've been nice to a bunch of unappreciative kids.
They procrastinate on the things you ask them to do, but do everything properly for their Mother Tongue teacher who is harsh and fierce to them.
From today onwards, I'm not going to be gentle and nice towards them. I'll revert to my old fierce and unfriendly 'self' so that they all do my bidding. I've come to realise that these kids are no different from a class whose half of the kids fail - their attitude I mean.
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Baby at 5th and 6th months
I got a pink Bumbo seat for Baby so that it's easier to feed her.
She is able to swallow her brown rice cereal now, even when I make it abit thick for her.
I let her try pumpkin (Australia) and she was ok with it. Unfortunately, I don't get to let her try stuff for 4 full days as I need to work and my mother is too busy to prepare for her.
She's very cute now. Trying hard to flip but usually she only got her butt over. Her arm is trapped under her and hinders her from flipping entirely. She managed to have a full flip on last Sunday though. I was so excited I ran out of the room to look for my camera. When I came back, she was probably tired out from the support that she cried. So I couldn't take a pic of that, could I?
Smiling Baby at 5 months
A big girl now at 6 months
The chalet
I did a chalet for Coco a week after her birthday as I couldn't get one on her birthday.
We had the barbeque really late and our neighbour were gathering at our pit and using our table for their event.
I teased Xavy, asking him to go tell those people to buzz off, but he was reluctant.
Coco said,"I will go!"
And there she went.
The people around the pit really dispersed after they gave her a shocked look.
When she came back, we asked her what she said to those people.
She said,"I said,'This is our barbeque pit and we want to use it now. Please go away.' They looked at me, very shocked. Then the girl told her friends,'Let's go.' And they go away.'"
Isn't that cute?
We had the barbeque really late and our neighbour were gathering at our pit and using our table for their event.
I teased Xavy, asking him to go tell those people to buzz off, but he was reluctant.
Coco said,"I will go!"
And there she went.
The people around the pit really dispersed after they gave her a shocked look.
When she came back, we asked her what she said to those people.
She said,"I said,'This is our barbeque pit and we want to use it now. Please go away.' They looked at me, very shocked. Then the girl told her friends,'Let's go.' And they go away.'"
Isn't that cute?
My heart
I was in a chatroom recently and told a stranger about my stuff. He commented that he didn't know that an educator can have so many personal problems and that he's surprised that I can still work under such mental and emotional conditions.
I told him it's because my heart is dead.
And it has to, after so much battering and abuses - emotionally.
3.5 years of inhuman living (where emotions are concerned) have made me stoic and so-called able to separate personal life from work.
There is a Chinese phrase that goes 'Tragic is the heart that is dead'. But I once came across a book titled 'Tragic is the heart that is NOT dead', and I concur with that.
When you still harbour hope against all hopes, that's more tragic than anything else. It's only when you reach the pit bottom of hopelessness that you'll let go and move on.
There was a local TV show about real scenarios of people suffering in silence. One of them featured a 30-year-old woman who put up with her husband's abuse for years. After 12 years, she finally decided to leave him with her three kids. It wasn't easy for her as the husband is a nut case and threatened to kill the children if she ever divorced him.
The bottomline of the show is 'Continuing to live in a trapped situation is not being courageous. The walking out is.'
I've changed myself to a large extent because of this marriage. I'm beginning to lose my true self. I don't behave like myself anymore.
I told him it's because my heart is dead.
And it has to, after so much battering and abuses - emotionally.
3.5 years of inhuman living (where emotions are concerned) have made me stoic and so-called able to separate personal life from work.
There is a Chinese phrase that goes 'Tragic is the heart that is dead'. But I once came across a book titled 'Tragic is the heart that is NOT dead', and I concur with that.
When you still harbour hope against all hopes, that's more tragic than anything else. It's only when you reach the pit bottom of hopelessness that you'll let go and move on.
There was a local TV show about real scenarios of people suffering in silence. One of them featured a 30-year-old woman who put up with her husband's abuse for years. After 12 years, she finally decided to leave him with her three kids. It wasn't easy for her as the husband is a nut case and threatened to kill the children if she ever divorced him.
The bottomline of the show is 'Continuing to live in a trapped situation is not being courageous. The walking out is.'
I've changed myself to a large extent because of this marriage. I'm beginning to lose my true self. I don't behave like myself anymore.
Sunday, 19 April 2009
Coco's 9th birthday
Today is Coco's birthday. To think I almost forgot to blog about it.
I didn't manage to book the chalet for her this week, so we decided to postpone it to next week although it's quite close to her SA1.
I bought a pre-ordered Winx Club 'Party Time' birthday cake for her and we celebrated at my mother's place. Oops! I forgot that she asked if we could do away with the birthday song. We sang it anyway. I was too busy recording and taking pictures.
It's really quite funny. Her presents are Harry Potter books - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince. The Harry Potter bookworm!
I didn't manage to book the chalet for her this week, so we decided to postpone it to next week although it's quite close to her SA1.
I bought a pre-ordered Winx Club 'Party Time' birthday cake for her and we celebrated at my mother's place. Oops! I forgot that she asked if we could do away with the birthday song. We sang it anyway. I was too busy recording and taking pictures.
It's really quite funny. Her presents are Harry Potter books - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince. The Harry Potter bookworm!
Baby at 6th month
Baby is starting to flip on her side, but it's an ardous task for her it seems. We have to help her flip.
Recently, she's starting to reject the bland brown rice cereal. So today, I mixed it with her milk and sure enough, she liked the taste of it. However, mixing it with milk makes the cereal lumpy. Cooking it over fire doesn't solve the problem either.
She seems to get hungry at closer intervals now. I think that's a cue for me to give her more feeds on her cereal and start some fruit purees.
So next on the list is the book 'First Foods'. I just saw it at Popular today and it seems a good book. It has recipes on simple food preparations like fruit and vegetable purees, and the book can last till the baby reaches 24 months.
A parenting website 'Baby Weekly' states that Baby would be a social butterfly at this stage. She would smile and make friends with whoever she meets. And how true is that! Even in the lifts, in the queue at the bank, in the restaurant, in the eatery, outside the changing room, at the traffic lights, people look at her and make comments of all sorts ie. 'She looks exactly like her father', 'She's adorable', 'She's super cute', 'She's very fair' and smile at her, and she smiles back.
Recently, she's starting to reject the bland brown rice cereal. So today, I mixed it with her milk and sure enough, she liked the taste of it. However, mixing it with milk makes the cereal lumpy. Cooking it over fire doesn't solve the problem either.
She seems to get hungry at closer intervals now. I think that's a cue for me to give her more feeds on her cereal and start some fruit purees.
So next on the list is the book 'First Foods'. I just saw it at Popular today and it seems a good book. It has recipes on simple food preparations like fruit and vegetable purees, and the book can last till the baby reaches 24 months.
A parenting website 'Baby Weekly' states that Baby would be a social butterfly at this stage. She would smile and make friends with whoever she meets. And how true is that! Even in the lifts, in the queue at the bank, in the restaurant, in the eatery, outside the changing room, at the traffic lights, people look at her and make comments of all sorts ie. 'She looks exactly like her father', 'She's adorable', 'She's super cute', 'She's very fair' and smile at her, and she smiles back.
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