Shocking realisation

I'm on MC today.

I woke up with a giddy head and voice-loss.

I decided to 'punish' my HOD with an MC. Knowing him, I figure he'll still send me to the same course some time in December or one of the holidays citing the reason 'You didn't complete the training the last time.'

Incidentally, he was the one who picked up my call this morning to receive my MC call-in.

It's crazy. Every time I want to take an MC, I would experience a deep struggle within myself,"Should I take an MC? Should I go to work?" I would weigh the pros and cons. I would think about the syllabus, the class, the work. Then, I would think about myself, and my own kids.

If work wins, it's because of the school kids.

If MC ever win, it's because of my own kids.

Last night, I had a nasty shock realising that Coco didn't do her weekend homework. I was so tired and disappointed I told Coco I felt like dying, as in killing myself. I knew it's not the most appropriate thing to say to a kid but that's exactly how I felt. I was so tired I kept tearing. I felt so disappointed with her, for lying to me that she had done her homework just so that she could go to Malaysia over the weekend. I was also disappointed with the fact that she doesn't seem to cherish being able to study in her school. I was all sold-out to put her in the school. I wake up every day at 5 am to prepare her for school. Her school skirts have these annoying pleats to be ironed. I travel all the way down to Bt Timah for Parent-Teacher session and other nonsense (okay, they are not nonsense).

I just felt so let-down and hurt. I've done all I could to give her my best, but she didn't reciprocate my hard work and all that I went through to put her in the school.