No love. No faith.

We fought again.

I was asking him to return me some money over the reno loan and baby's clothings - something he's been defaulting on since January this year. We had agreed to pay a certain amount for the repayment of reno loan each, and he is supposed to shoulder the responsibility for Baby's expenses mainly since I am shouldering Coco's.

Ever since he started full-time on tuition, he has not been able to bring home money. Not that he did before he quit teaching. But at least before he quit, I could chase after him knowing fully when his pay day was. Now that he goes into tuition alone, he can give me all the crap excuses about his money being stalled by students' parents.

He shouted at me for sending Coco to the high-end enrichment centre. He said that very few people send their kids for enrichment, especially piano. Meaning I should stop sending her to enrichment classes and use the money for his benefit instead.

I ask myself if I want to continue to live like this forever. Always fighting over money. Always quarrelling loudly so that the whole block of neighbours can hear our quarrel contents ie. money. No love. Only mistrust. No faith. Only disgust.

I ask myself if I can cope with the financial demands after a divorce.

I really don't know.

But do I want to succumb to this lousy marriage, for the rest of my life, and see myself rotting away, because of financial reasons?

A chatter was telling me that we should think about our mental and spiritual well-being first, not the physical. That does make sense. And it seems to make things a lot easier.

I'm just so tired.