Happy News

I thought I should share this with you.

Get this: I didn't get a D grade!

I only knew it on Thursday morning when I was back in school, not knowing that there was a change in schedule and I was not needed.

I decided to get over with the suspense once and for all, and marched into the Second Boss' office to ask,"Did I get a D this year?"

She looked stunned for a moment, shook her head, and said,"No."

She then explained why I did not get it.

The 'teaching-a-child-to-lie' incident was the reason why the panel of Heads and Bosses wanted to give me a D.

They felt that it had 'impacted the school value of integrity' and that 'it was VERY serious'.

Then they 'investigated' the matter by checking out my work in the department with my English Head (I later realised that she was there at the first session of ranking, before she was hit with stroke) and falling back on my track record.

My English Head had given the feedback that I was highly reflective in my work and gave deep thoughts to the resources I built up. I had helped a child enter into the Semi Finals of a storytelling competition last year and that showed that I was a very tenacious teacher. The students we have do not have any edge over their peers from other schools - in fact, most of the time, they are from disadvantaged or poor families - and it 'must have taken a very patient and tenacious person' to train up a child good enough to even get into the Semi Finals.

Some other colleagues were surveyed on the person that I was like. And the panel took into consideration the kind of behaviour I had exhibited all these years and juxtaposed it against the incident to see if they were consistent with each other: was it me to teach a child to lie?

The Second Boss felt that I had always been a very quiet and reflective worker who did not 'do things with a lot of fanfare', so they decided to give me the benefit of doubt, as the only 'evidence' was that bitch's word against mine.

She asked me to take this as a lesson learnt: that I need to build rapport with the kids so that they would defend me if something like this happens again.

She said that there were people with their own 'private agenda' and agreed that the incident could have happened because the kids could have been led to claim that I taught them to lie, but if I had good rapport with them, they probably would not say things that were not in my interest.

She said that I have to articulate my intention each time I do something as kids would not know that I am doing something for their good, especially if it is something they do not like.

A lot of learning points from this incident indeed, apart from what my Second Boss had given insight on:

1) I learnt from a colleague that my Second Boss does not 'click' with the bitch. I honestly felt that that could have helped me.

2) Some kind souls had spoken up for me. The Second Boss said that someone had asked her,"Are you saying that we ought to be lenient towards the children from now on? (as opposed to my hard way of clamping down on the boy who refused to give me the letter of absence, which led to the incident)" I see that as justifying my action for me.

My sup is not someone who is seen competent at work, and the Bosses do not take her word for it, as opposed to the bitch's. She would have helped me, but her strength alone would not have been enough to stand against the odds.

And of course, the people who gave good feedback about the work I did.

3) Politics - whether you want to climb the ladder or not, it will still come to you.

4) Teaching is not an iron rice bowl.

My Second Boss told me that it was after a very long debate that the panel decided not to give me the D.

I was hoping to find out who the kind souls who had helped me were, so I asked a colleague whom I thought was sitting in the panel who had judged me if she knew anything about the matter.

She told me that she knew nothing of it, but she was aware that the bitch was like that. I asked why I was targeted since I had no wish of climbing the ladder. She said that I was not targeted, but it was just convenient for the bitch to do me in as we were dealing with the same children. She agreed that it was just a small matter, blown out of proportion.

I told her about the incident in which the bitch did not tell me about a child's reason for absence from the exams, and she agreed that ordinary teachers would have got into hot soup if we did the same thing as what the bitch did, but she could get away with it unscathed because she had risen to where she was.

Now you, as well as I, finally know teachers do not have an iron rice bowl. True, getting a D does not mean that you are out of the job, but to most teachers, getting it means that you have a bad record, blacklisted, like a criminal who has a record. You don't get your performance bonus which translates to a loss of quite a few thousand dollars. You lose your wage increment. Your promotion is halted for 3 years.

Not that I am interested in the promotion. Getting promoted only means more work with less than two hundred dollars' increment. I just did not want to lose my bonus and get a bad record on the job.

I was prepared to submit my letter of resignation if given the grade, that's why I approached my Second Boss to ask about the outcome. Our rice bowl is as fragile as, if not more fragile than, anybody else's. It can be shattered just because someone lies about your conduct. No matter how consistent you have been in your work, or how you have demonstrated your character to be like all this while, doubts can be cast on your character at the snap of a finger, at a word, literally.

I must admit: I will never get used to all this. I will never be able to take these in my stride. I used to think that I can, and I will, with age. But deep within me, I know I will never be able to. I will still lose sleep over politics, I will still get agitated at false accusations. I will still get worked up over politics.

The first thing I did when I knew I didn't get the lousy grade, I smsed all my friends and sisters whom I have confided about the matter in. They were all relieved and happy for me.

And I know, whoever reads this, will also be happy for me.