'Don't love me' (不要爱我）

香港一代艳星狄娜(Dina Leung / Tina Ti)于三月三十一日去世，享年六十五岁。

绝大多数的女人穷一生的时间追求爱情，这个得天独厚的女人却用一生的时间来劝男人：“不要爱我。”她是何其幸运？让人何其羡慕？

我唯一与她相像的地方只是和她有一样的遗憾：“为人女儿不合格，为人母亲有亏欠。”

她未婚生女，无法给女儿一个完整的家，她的前夫甚至两次向媒体声明他与她女儿并没有血缘关系，让她非常受伤。我完全理解她的感受。

我不认识狄娜，从没看过她演的电影，也并不知道有这样的一个传奇女子存在。我只在张小娴的散文中读过某个女星曾劝男人不要爱她，心里好生羡慕，也理所当然好奇：到底是哪一个娘们这么嚣张，抑或幸福，可以这么说？

她说她的追求者不下1000个，就算在她花甲之年，也不乏追求者，实在令人羡慕。

人说：红颜薄命。在她身上，除了女儿毅然变性之外，其实她的命实在不能用‘薄’字形容。只离婚一次，赚了一大堆钱进军商界，第一次经商更是经营钻石出入口生意，虽然于同年破产，她只用了四年便还清2000万，并在商界卷土重来。过世的时候，她的身家总值两亿。如果这是薄命，我想每个女人都要跟她一样薄命，有一样的际遇。

I've always wanted to blog in Chinese, but always felt strange to infuse a Chinese-worded post in my English-language blog.

But this time, I had alot of thoughts that I deemed as better expressed in Chinese. I will not attempt to translate what I had written above word by word as per what my lecturer once said, it restricts your structures and limits the translation. The quotes may not be translated accurately either. It's more of how I feel about what she meant.

It's about the Hong Kong actress, a lengendary sex symbol, Dina Leung, better known as Tina Ti. She passed away on the 31st of March, a few days ago, at the age of 65.

She had given up her fight with cancers. Apparently, she had been plagued by cervical cancer since 10 years ago. She had undergone a few operations since then, but the last time she was admitted to a hospital due to an infection, she refused to eat, so that she would die of starvation.

My post is titled 'Don't love me'. Because those are the exact words she told the more-than-1000 men who had loved her in her lifetime.

I was contemplating on how fortunate this woman is.

I had read about this phrase, used by a 'certain actress', quoted by my favourite authoress Amy Cheung in one of her books. I was envious of this woman, and at the same time, curious about who this lucky woman could be. Most women on the face of this earth spend their whole life pursuing romance, yet this woman has the gumption to tell her woo-ers not to love her.

The only similarity I could share with her is her regrets,"I have failed as a daughter. I have not been a good mother."

She had given birth to her daughter out of wedlock and could not provide her daughter a complete family. It dealt her blows when her ex-husband declared to the media, twice, that he was not the biological father of her daughter. I could empathise with the hurt she felt. Of the very few reasons I am still with William, one of them is because he has never claimed that Coco is not his biological daughter. I appreciate that very much. True, it's only words, but words can mean alot, especially when you have nothing else to hold onto.

As aforementioned, she had more than 1000 men who had wooed her. Even when she was in her golden years, there were still men who loved her. Sigh, wouldn't any woman be envious of that?

Chinese has a four-phrase saying,"Pretty face, hard life." As far as I am concerned, this phrase does not apply to her. The only sad thing that had happened in her life was her daughter's decision to undergo a sex-changing operation. Other than that, there was nothing hard about her life. She had the looks and figure to earn alot of money to enable her to start a diamond import and export business. Although she was made a bankrupt in the same year she started the business, she cleared her debts of $20 million within four years and went into business again after that. At the point of her death, she had $200 million, inherited by her son.

If what she had gone through is deemed a 'hard life', I am quite sure most women would exchange a leg or an arm for that kinda of hard life.