I am attending an ex-parental or sibling church of CHC. The preaching and worship style is similar to CHC, and thus familar to me.
CHC was my first church. When a church is your first place of worship and you grow up there, you find that it is difficult for you to get accustomed to another type of delivery of sermon and worship style. I did try to attend other churches, but I was not entirely comfortable in them. I once attended a more 'conservative' church. The worship songs were hymns. Everybody looked at a thick hymn book to sing from it, and the songs sounded more like chanting than singing I thought. Then suddenly, everybody fell to their knees all at once at the suggestion of the pastor's line! I was shocked and felt out of place. The delivery of sermon was solemn - I am fine with that. It suggested that we should take God's word seriously.
But I didn't feel belonged.
I went to two other evangelistic churches with which I ought to feel more 'belonged', but for one reason or another, I didn't fit in. I find myself not willing to commit to any church because of a fear of having others to know what I am. Church-goers are mere human beings. They have their own sets of value system. They have their rights to look down on or reject anyone they deem sinful or unpardonable.
A meet-up with my old friends was followed by an invitation to the Candlelight Service.
It was something new to me. And in all honesty, I have missed Pastor Kong's preaching. So I went.
After reading so much about him and the church in forums and papers, I went there with a heart of wondering how he has handled all this. Part of me wanted to know if he was still the Pastor Kong I knew.
When he went on the stage, I saw that he had aged. Of course he would have, silly. He was just 25 when I first knew him. Now he is 47. I am not sure if his glasses made the difference, but his eyes looked a little different from when I first knew him.
His preaching was still the same. His accent - never changed abit since 22 years ago.
I saw the preaching extracts on youtube in which people accused him of asking others to give till it hurts. Like I said, those were 'extracts'. The video could be as brief as a minute or so and they are often taken out of context just to support the argument of the writers.
Whenever I see an extract like that, I write it off. Having been a victim of words taken out of context more than once, I know too well what these people are up to. I can surmise the intention and character of such people based on the 'extracts' they use. I call this 'behind-the-back assassination'.
No, I am not brainwashed. I have felt this way all along. But I hadn't attended the church for so long I didn't think I ought to comment.
But I was there last week. And I saw him preach.
How difficult it was for him to preach that God wanted us to be successful and not live in poverty again when all eyes were on him, especially when it was likely that his critics were amongst the crowd. He was still preaching the same line 'God wants us to be the head and not the tail'. He started preaching this line since the Hephzibah days. It was one of his favourite lines. It appeared to me that it remained his favourite line.
True. He preached prosperity a little too much for my, or most people's, liking. I also didn't fancy the 'giving' part, in all honesty. But that aside, was he still the pastor I knew him to be?
For some reason, I thought his eyes did not look as sure or confident as they used to be. I am not sure if it was because of the relentless attacks from the media and public that they looked a little ... sluggish? Or tired?
Him aside, the crowd for one service was phenomenal. I still remember how we used to struggle to fill a fraction of a World Trade Centre hall. Some workers, while resting at the back of the hall, played secular music loudly while the preaching was going on. One of the church pioneers had to run to them to ask them to turn their volume down or off so as not to distract the congregation. Pastor Kong was upset by the leaders of the church though. He chided them for not amen-ing louder to drown out the secular music.
He was that open with the church. He did not disguise his unhappiness even in front of the church. He had high expectations and was strict with his leaders, yet he was gentle with the rest of the flock. He was extremely intelligent. He had great people skills. He was charismatic. Always full of energy. Never tired. He could preach three services at one go and sounded as energised for the third service as he did for the first, and did the same thing for the next day again.
The Candlelight Service had me feel that he was still the same person I knew since my teenage days.
I went back to him again, didn't I? Haha ...
The congregation was huge. It must have become one of the biggest churches in the world.
It was William's first time there. He commented that it was indeed like what others said, that a church service had become a concert. I didn't get what he meant at first because the church had done its praise and worship like this all along, even the very first time I went to a cell group. The drum was deafening. The guitar was loud. The song leader was dynamic and jumping on the stage all the time.
I am not sure if it is the Christians who are more critical. If CHC were your first church, you wouldn't know how a church service is 'supposed' to be like - solemn, quiet, soft, phlegmatic. But if like me, it is your first church, you would have thought that a church is supposed to be loud in praise and worship.
I could understand when people critique that CHC has become a place where people go to network or socialise. It is really huge. It is human instinct to do just that. Don't tell me you go to a place where birds don't even drop their poop to socialise or network. And it sounds too flakey to go to a church just to worship God. We are human beings, right? Human beings are by nature social animals. There is nothing wrong with wanting to go there to socialise. Besides, the church's atmostphere does encourage socialising since days of young. We had 'fellowship', meaning eating together and talking together, right after a cellgroup meeting or church service.
I saw Belinda Lee sitting just a few seats in front of me. A friend told me a few other celebrities were in her cellgroup. It is only natural for human beings to want to be friends with celebrities, right? So what's wrong with socialising? I don't see anything wrong with that, even if you use socialising as a pulling factor to get people 'saved'. As long as it is not by 'crook', I think it's perfectly fine.
However, there was something that disturbed me: Coco was in the children's church and she told me she didn't like it. "The children there are very snobbish," she said. Conversation samples included:
"We live in (very big) house."
"My father is working overseas to earn a lot of money."
"My mother is working as a (some high-earning job)."
"My father is so rich my mother doesn't need to work!"
She remarked that "they were even more snobbish than the most snobbish people" she knew. I certainly do not want her to grow up with such friends.
It appears that she does not want to befriend those children either. The next morning, she asked to go back to our current church. When I asked why, since we had already attended a service, she said,"Because that is my church." I guess we all feel the same way about the church we attend most regularly!
I met a few old friends. Managed to search through the crowd and say 'hello' to the pastor's wife who handheld me through the darkest moment of my life.
It was with a heart of gratefulness that I was able to meet the friends who went through so much and mattered so much to me. These were the friends I had in my most insecure years. They were my confidantes. They were parts of me. And they had not changed since the day I first knew them. Such were my CHC friends.
A few pictures from the beautiful Candlelight Service:
The man who comes under fire from the press and public
Aren't they ever so handsome a couple? And she has always been so beautiful, right from our secondary school days. She was the belle of our school, indeed.
An amazingly well-behaved child throughout the service 
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