A Meet-Up with a Close Friend

I was in town with a close friend yesterday.

We shared how we felt about buying expensive things to soothe ourselves. I never thought that buying a car is extravagant as long as you can afford it, like what she does. Unfortunately, she viewed the acquisition of branded bags as a luxury and she abhorred my purchase of such bags. She even went as far as to say that it was an act of wearing a hat that doesn't fit. The exact phrase she used was: 打肿脸皮充胖子.

It hurts, especially when it comes from someone you love.

I don't see how it can be classified under such when you have a bonus of $5k and you spend $1k on a bag you like.

When I thought it through (because it really hurts), I was not sure if she was referring to me exactly because she was saying that most teachers in the childcare centre her mother was working in earned about $2k and splurged on branded goods. But she asked,"Why do teachers like to 打肿脸皮充胖子?" To me, that's a sweeping statement because not all teachers earn so little.

I found myself explaining in great length and depth to her why I needed to buy a branded bag to 'balance' myself psychologically. It took quite some time before she could see it.

The incident left me feeling that people who never have a kid will never understand how it is like with them.

True, kids give you alot of joy. Sacrifices are a given. But I don't want to live in such a way that my life is a sacrifice unto my kids. I want to splurge on myself once in a while. I used to think for over a year over a coach wristlet that cost over a hundred dollars, but splurge on Coco without thinking for a second.

Do I really want to be a mother like that?

Perhaps what my friend said about being too sacrificial has affected me, but it did shed light on my external behaviour in my bid to provide the 'best' for my kids. Do I come across as being 'too thrifty' to others? Do I come across as being 'over careful' in my purchases?

I don't want to live just for my kids. That's not healthy. I got to a point of exploding when Coco fell short of my expectation. I don't want that to happen again.

To my friend, she probably sees it a sin for me to spend extravagantly when the amount could be saved up for my kids or used to buy many other cheaper items. She said she felt 'heartpain' for people like me who spends so much on a bag. But for me, as long as you use it every day, it's a bargain. I felt that a car is high-maintenance but I did not condemn her purchase of a car. I could have said that she did not need a car since she was single and could easily take public transport ie. MRT to her office, especially when public transport is so accessible now. Furthermore, her office was just next to an MRT station. I did not say that she 'splurged' on a car and it was just an item to show off since it was not a need.

I feel that everybody has the right and privilege to use the money they earn any way they want. They will bear the consequence of their purchase, so there is no need to judge someone's desires. Even the single mother colleague I mentioned in one of my previous post - she earns a meagre take-home pay of $1300, but she has Kate Spades and Gucci in her collection. Do I tell her that she should not spend on these bags but channel her finances to her kids or savings instead? I am not in a position to do that, because I don't pay her her salary. It makes her happy to spend on these bags, then go ahead. There is no point in riding on moral high horse and give her a lecture on how single mothers should scrimp and save for the sake of her kids and blah blah blah. She is the one in the situation herself. Would she not know? Do I know it better than she?

From my chat with my friend last night, I get the feeling that non-teachers, like non-mothers, can never understand the need to buy expensive items to justify the hard work we do, just like how non-teachers can never understand what teachers mean by 'our work is stressful' or 'we work very hard'. They will tell you,"Everybody also work very hard and very stressful wat!"